Okay, as announce here is the next part of the
Story of the FSM and the Eastern Pirates
(continuation of Chapter 2)
24 The crew felt deep regret for their behaviour and that there was nothing of the food left.
25 Now they praised the cook for his work
26 The humble cook blushed and refused their praise.
27 "No glory for me! The captaon ordered it, the Divine Body touched me, so how could I fail?
28 You're right about the drink, it's far from proper and we are even running out of it with no replacement in sight."
29 He, the Mighty Pasta-King and Bringer of Plentiful Food & Drink, was highly pleased by the captains word of praise, the cook's humbleness and the crew's ability to see the error of their ways.
30 "These are people of my taste!
31 Although they don't know me yet, they follow my not yet announced suggestions.
32 They choose the divine vegetables.
33 Without advice they created noodles and formed meatballs.
34 They long for the proper drink.
35 There remains just the question of the godly Garlic Bread."
36 But the second mate, who had not touched the food, stepped forward and spoke:
37 Captain, cook and comrades! Yeah, let's praise the cook's work but let's not forget that some are still hungry!
38 Is there no bread left in the hold?
39 May it be stale, with a little bit of garlic I'd eat a stone!"
40 Oh, the hardtack bread, ye mates, it was beyond stale.
41 The captain chiselled the waterproof copy of the log on it and had to replace the chisel every few lines.
42 The armorer used it as a whetstone.
32 The third mate had sharpened the edge and clobbed a shark to death with it.
33 Last but not least the gunnery officer lost a good cannon when an experimental load with hardtack cut deep rifts into the barrel when fired.
1 "That's my cue!", said the FSM and He appeared in all His saucyness before them.
2 And they fell on their knees and worshipped Him, for they knew Him in an instant, although they hadn't known anything just a moment ago.
3 To them He spoke and His voice dripped parmesan and spice:
4 "Attention please, all passengers to Rio de Janeiro check in with their luggage at gate 7a immediately!"
4a Sorry for interrupting again! What idiot put in that line in here and what does it mean?
We don't take passengers and Rio is not on our schedule this month. Check the calendar!
It's Yellowbeard's turn. Our raid is due for New-Years day!
5 To them He spoke
5a Any further interruption will be dealt with incisively! My cutlass is hardtack-sharpened enough to split the mast from top to keel in one go!
6 "The FSM, Creator of mountains, trees and midgits, who is known as Hauro Pasta in Persia, as Carn-Aton the life-giving meatball in the sky in Egypt speaketh to ye.
7 Don't tremble and spill the food, for my grace is upon you.
8 Though not knowing, you make my food and longed for those parts unavailable.
9 They shall be given to you!
10 Instead of water stale Porter Ale shall be in your barrels and you shall never run out of it as long as you keep the covenant, I'll make with you later on.
11 But you, second mate, you called for the divine Garlic Bread but did not touch the Pasta.
12 Pray, tell me the reason!"
13 The second mate looked Him into the saucy eyestalks straight and without hesitation.
14 "Oh, Noodly One! I don't have to beg forgiveness, for thou knowest me and the reason.
15 Stricken with allergy, I can't eat the pasta made from wheat, though I long for it.
16 But the bread is made from rye, so I can eat it without problems."
17 Thus spoke He to the second mate:
18 "Rightly hast thou spoken and nothing wicked is in it.
19 As a sign of my grace I give this Anchovies Pizza to you and your family.
20 It will never grow stale and every noon it will renew itself until you will pass away and see my Hereafter, where there is the mighty Beer Volcano and the Stripper Factory.
21 Never empty is there the pasta bowl and noone will be stricken with anything not to his delight.
22 Now to you, captain. I have a task for you and your mates.
23 My temple in Pasata has fallen into disrepair.
24 No priest nor sailor sings my praise.
25 They take me for a monster even.
26 Though I am, of course, one, they have forgotten the true meaning of it.
27 A monster is, what inspires awe, not fear primarily.
28 Didn't they learn their Latin at school?
29 But I am digressing.
30 I strongly suggest that you and your crew sail there and make Pasata your base of operation.
31 It has a long tradition and you'll like the cult statue in the temple.
32 If that does not tempt you, the Pastry makers are famous.
33 Where do you think "Pasta" comes from?
34 When you go there, repair the temple, reerect the cult image and it shall be you home and that of your descendants forever.
35 It's not an order but an offer.
36 When you see it, you'll not refuse it!"
(To be continued)
Onward noodly pirates!