The Devil made me do it!

This board is NOT restricted access. Keep that in mind when you post.

Moderator: Other Stuff Mods

Re: The Devil made me do it!

Postby ken worley on Thu Apr 16, 2009 9:40 pm

Rainswept wrote:, One guy came into the barrack blind drunk, and when he went to the john we picked up his bed and took off with it, hid it in the shower. He came back and just wandered around where it was supposed to be mumbling "I don't understand" in this thick Egyptian accent he had. Good times.


You can do the same thing in county jail.

You can get a guy who's been up a while, gets arrested, and passes out in the "tent city"..(this in inphoenix.).Or summer camps everywhere.

Then begin to spin his head, for a day or so, and put a guy on the top bunk of similar height/build, who's about to be released.


Brainwash the guy until he is convinced he's being "switched".

Then, the night before the acomplice's release, you can unstack the bunks, then restack so the mark, formerly on bottom, is now on top.

Tell the poor slob that the released guy got out using HIS ID.(and face and body)

The 'mirrors' in jail are just polished stainless steel, much abused by inmates.
It is impossible to distinguish betwen yourself and someone of same shape/size/haircolor.

It's a pretty mean trick, but so funny to six-year-olds and other retards.


Here's a funny one I personally did.

I was on my way home LATE one night/early morning, on a "Loop" freeway of recent construction.

Bright as a baseball field on a game night, new, shiny-rubberized asphalt, for silent tire-passage...A monument to "safe" yuppy living.

I saw, out of te corner of my eye, a Lexus slowly pull up alongside on my right(passenger) side , both of our cars doing about 70MPH.

As it pulled level, I saw that thge driver was a black man, in a white dress shirt and loosened tie.
As we made eye contact, I affected a theatrically (though subtly) scared expression, and turned eyes back forward.
Then I leaned over, and smartly snapped the lock on the passenger door down.
Then I let my neck and shoulders relax slightly, eyes still pointedly facing forward.
Image
User avatar
ken worley
King of the Pervs
 
Posts: 3363
Joined: Sun Dec 17, 2006 11:10 pm
Location: Fortress of Squalitude

Re: The Devil made me do it!

Postby black bart on Fri Apr 17, 2009 5:20 am

ken worley wrote:
I was on my way home LATE one night/early morning, on a "Loop" freeway of recent construction.

Bright as a baseball field on a game night, new, shiny-rubberized asphalt, for silent tire-passage...A monument to "safe" yuppy living.



That's going in my collection of really interesting road surfaces of the world, Section 5 USA, Subsection 2 (Roads without potholes) Number 43.

Please supply a photograph if available.

My favourite road surface so far is this section from a road in Basildon, Essex. Note the position of the drain on the left hand side:

Image
The smoke wafted gently in the breeze across the poop deck and all seemed right in the world.
User avatar
black bart
Resident Weevil
 
Posts: 25876
Joined: Wed Sep 21, 2005 6:56 am
Location: London

Re: The Devil made me do it!

Postby ET, the Extra Terrestrial on Fri Apr 17, 2009 8:38 am

Here's a road for you, Bart. This is the Whitecap Brook Road about two years ago. Had a little bit of a water problem.
Image
"Mit der Dummheit kämpfen Götter selbst vergebens."
("Against stupidity, the gods themselves contend in vain.")
-- Friedrich Schiller (1759–1805)
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
-- Philip K Dick

OK, now let's look at four dimensions on the blackboard.
-- Dr. Joy

English isn't much of a language for swearing. When I studied Ancient Greek I was delighted to discover a single word - Rhaphanidosthai - which translates roughly as "Be thou thrust up the fundament with a radish for adultery."
User avatar
ET, the Extra Terrestrial
Privvy Counselor
 
Posts: 6995
Joined: Thu Jan 24, 2008 5:01 am
Location: In the woods, watching

Re: The Devil made me do it!

Postby black bart on Fri Apr 17, 2009 8:51 am

That's a magnificent piece of road...needs a spot of resurfacing but definitely one for the collection. Thank you.
The smoke wafted gently in the breeze across the poop deck and all seemed right in the world.
User avatar
black bart
Resident Weevil
 
Posts: 25876
Joined: Wed Sep 21, 2005 6:56 am
Location: London

Re: The Devil made me do it!

Postby ET, the Extra Terrestrial on Fri Apr 17, 2009 9:09 am

Here's another one. I took this picture right after driving across this bridge. Probably still OK to use.
Image
"Mit der Dummheit kämpfen Götter selbst vergebens."
("Against stupidity, the gods themselves contend in vain.")
-- Friedrich Schiller (1759–1805)
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
-- Philip K Dick

OK, now let's look at four dimensions on the blackboard.
-- Dr. Joy

English isn't much of a language for swearing. When I studied Ancient Greek I was delighted to discover a single word - Rhaphanidosthai - which translates roughly as "Be thou thrust up the fundament with a radish for adultery."
User avatar
ET, the Extra Terrestrial
Privvy Counselor
 
Posts: 6995
Joined: Thu Jan 24, 2008 5:01 am
Location: In the woods, watching

Re: The Devil made me do it!

Postby black bart on Fri Apr 17, 2009 9:25 am

Now that is a gem. For some reason it reminds of the film 'The Wages of Fear' but on a much smaller scale.
The smoke wafted gently in the breeze across the poop deck and all seemed right in the world.
User avatar
black bart
Resident Weevil
 
Posts: 25876
Joined: Wed Sep 21, 2005 6:56 am
Location: London

Re: The Devil made me do it!

Postby pieces o'nine on Sat Apr 18, 2009 1:15 pm

And now, for something completely different.
Here's a road of sorts across part of a lake I used to live very near.


STOP!
Image


GO!
Image
I will honor Monkey in my heart, and try to keep it all the year.
~Charles "Darwin" Dickens
User avatar
pieces o'nine
Look Upon Her Works, Ye Migyt, and Despair!
 
Posts: 8615
Joined: Fri Dec 21, 2007 9:21 am
Location: Ocean o'Sand

Re: The Devil made me do it!

Postby Nef Yoo BlackBeard on Sat Apr 18, 2009 5:12 pm

Dat luks loik ther road Uncle Farty yoosed ter send me owt ter play onn...

rrrrrrr
cabin boy fir hyer. jyint hat no hextra charj.
User avatar
Nef Yoo BlackBeard
Mystic of Meatball
 
Posts: 2558
Joined: Thu Jan 29, 2009 10:45 pm
Location: off me leesh

Re: The Devil made me do it!

Postby black bart on Mon Apr 20, 2009 6:31 am

This is fantastic. I bet my 'Unusual Roads' book out sells Ken Worley's Footprint book.

This one inspired the Beatles:

Image
The smoke wafted gently in the breeze across the poop deck and all seemed right in the world.
User avatar
black bart
Resident Weevil
 
Posts: 25876
Joined: Wed Sep 21, 2005 6:56 am
Location: London

Re: The Devil made me do it!

Postby Scott the Pirate on Mon Apr 20, 2009 2:10 pm

To return to practical jokes for a sec...

For my revenge i saved all of the packing peanuts from the banks i was cleaning and filled his entire car with them through the sun roof! Then i had a female friend who did the best "old lady" impression i'd ever heard call the police and say "There's a car filled with plastic peanuts over in the K-mart parking lot. If the owner opens the door there's going to be a mess!". They actually said "Thank you, ma'am". And sent a squad over. They found him at work and said "If you open the doors we'll have to ticket you for littering"! They helped him get it into neutral and push it over to a gas station so he could suck the stuff out through the sun roof with the big vacuums!

:)
Roy Hunter wrote:Then, when you've got to know them a bit and their defences are down, you go all Scott the Pirate on them...
:lech:
User avatar
Scott the Pirate
Corrupter of Youth
 
Posts: 8370
Joined: Tue May 27, 2008 11:32 pm
Location: Either on my bike or at the bar in New Hope, MN

Re: The Devil made me do it!

Postby PKMKII on Mon Apr 20, 2009 4:48 pm

This story isn't so much bad, but the person involved did look at me like I was the devil over it.

Some friends and I were hanging out on a famous, much-trafficked street, and one of those Jesus Freaks walks by, lugging around a giant wooden cross (y'know, re-enacting Jesus' final steps, yadda yadda yadda). He makes eye contact, I give a slight nod, and he gets this look on his face like he might have an opening to proselytize. Instead I said to him, "You know, Home Depot delivers."

:D :D :D
"How is it that hardly any major religion has looked at science and concluded, 'This is better than we thought! The Universe is much bigger than our prophets said, grander, more subtle, more elegant. God must be even greater than we dreamed'? Instead they say, 'No, no, no! My god is a little god, and I want him to stay that way.'" - Carl Sagan

"To doubt everything or to believe everything are two equally convenient solutions; both dispense with the necessity of reflection." - Henri Poincaré
User avatar
PKMKII
Senior New York Correspondent
 
Posts: 10837
Joined: Wed Jan 14, 2009 6:13 pm
Location: Where the Sun don't shine

Re: The Devil made me do it!

Postby Rainswept on Mon Apr 20, 2009 6:38 pm

I heard a story from this girl a couple days ago, we were talking practical jokes, and she said that as a kid she pulled the gag where you put saran-wrap over the toilet, but then later she'd forgotten what she'd done and was the victim of her own stunt.
I believe it's time for mankind to set aside the crutch of religion and embrace morality born of reason and truth. Those crutches have long since proven treacherous when the ground gets slippery.
User avatar
Rainswept
Caliph of Capitalist Fishing Pole Hobo Apologists
 
Posts: 9113
Joined: Tue Oct 18, 2005 9:11 pm
Location: State of Disbelief

Re: The Devil made me do it!

Postby Wawizzle on Tue Apr 21, 2009 9:09 am

Rainswept wrote:I heard a story from this girl a couple days ago, we were talking practical jokes, and she said that as a kid she pulled the gag where you put saran-wrap over the toilet, but then later she'd forgotten what she'd done and was the victim of her own stunt.


I read stuff like that a lot on fmylife.com (which is now blocked by my school county's internet filter :cry: ). Hilarious.
“We are often hesitant to look at other faiths or to examine our own critically because we feel that, in doing so, we are being disloyal to our own deeply felt convictions. ... And yet our beliefs are not worth very much if they cannot stand up to any scrutiny.” -- James Livingston.
User avatar
Wawizzle
Sorcerer of Sauce
 
Posts: 3409
Joined: Mon Dec 31, 2007 2:03 pm

Re: The Devil made me do it!

Postby S'presso on Tue Apr 21, 2009 2:12 pm

I am planning... I have started by leaving a seemingly fake message on a girl's birthday poster thing stuck to her locker. It simply reads "I LOVE YOU XOXO -Your secret lover."
Of course, it obviously sounds fake, but..
After a certain waiting period (and careful observation to find her locker again) A series of anonymous rambling notes will follow, all signed the same way. Probably rambling about the apocalypse, oranges, and so on and so forth, warning her about the aliens and such...
And so the waiting begins.

Oh, this is also the girl that is stalking one of my best friends. I'd say she's fair game... :evilgrin:
Look! A new sig.
Blaaaaag.
User avatar
S'presso
Agnolini Admiral
 
Posts: 880
Joined: Thu Jan 11, 2007 11:01 pm

Re: The Devil made me do it!

Postby daftbeaker on Tue Apr 21, 2009 2:15 pm

Is :evilgrin: not evil enough? Sounds like a good plan by the way.

How about :evilgrin: :mob: :x :antipasta: :furious: ? That looks pretty evil (and quite spammy)
A casual stroll through the lunatic asylum shows that faith does not prove anything - Friedrich Nietzsche

But why is the rum gone?!
User avatar
daftbeaker
Help! I've fallen and can't get curry.
 
Posts: 11344
Joined: Mon Feb 02, 2009 2:11 pm
Location: Surrey, England.

PreviousNext

Return to Games, Fun, and Jokes

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 6 guests