Venganzine Pyrate Cookbook

[anthrobabe]

YArr, me ol' china, Anthrobabe! Ye retern! An hupdate: Auntie B's got a nef yoo, an it be Nef Yoo. Jus' slap the blaggard.

Oar whack him wif a hammer.

Sum Beans
Git four beans.
Eat sum beans.

Yum.

after eatin beans--sleep outside on deck!

Yar matey I do likes a bit o whacken wif a 'ammer now an agin!

[Detective TurtleHolmes]

YArr, me ol' china, Anthrobabe! Ye retern! An hupdate: Auntie B's got a nef yoo, an it be Nef Yoo. Jus' slap the blaggard.

Oar whack him wif a hammer.

Sum Beans
Git four beans.
Eat sum beans.

Yum.

after eatin beans--sleep outside on deck!

Yar matey I do likes a bit o whacken wif a 'ammer now an agin!

Yarr, that be the spirit! Now don't stay awaye fer too long now, we mizzed ye!

[anthrobabe]

I be diffikult to getz da hinternetz on dem desserrtat islandz ye know.

[Detective TurtleHolmes]

I be diffikult to getz da hinternetz on dem desserrtat islandz ye know.

Ye're a pirate, pirate sumfin! Jus' holde up the closest Innernit Shoppe.

Ye kin stille do thut these days, kint ye?

[Nef Yoo BlackBeard]

Lolly surprise.
git a lolly
sneak up behind DTH
smack im on th bum wiv it
runaway

[TwistedSister]

[Detective TurtleHolmes]

Electric Bugaloo Stoo
Git ye electrickery.
Stick it in a stoo med ove bugs an' sech.
Turn Nef Yoo upsy down.
Puta funnel innis bum.
Pour the electric bugaloo stoo in.

[pieces o'nine]

BUNNY DIP
1. Catch a fresh crop o'weevils.
2. Dice 'em up wiv yer cutlass an add enuff grog t'mayke a sauce.
3. Shang-high a herd o'bunnies frum thee board; mayke ye a batch ov rabbit crisps.
4. Dip 'em in thee weevil sauce.
5. Warsh down wiv copeeyuss hamounts ov rum.

[black bart]

I dun want anyeeone ta thynk I is avoidin thee Culinaree Arts loik so here's me contribushun:

Fish Head Stew (again)

Ingredients: Fish Heads

Method: Boil em.

Serve wiv a dose o thee cat.

Arrrgh luverlee.

[TwistedSister]

A dose o thee cat...........
I wouldn't do that if I were you........>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>.[hiss]

[Roy Hunter]

Member of Parliament Business Lunch (On Expenses Only).

First you need to get access to a Member of Parliament. Offering to clean their moat for £2,000 + VAT quite often works; or else you can look up the address of one of their many second homes. MPs are notoriously greedy and most of them like a drink, so pretending that you've got some rum helps to get you in the front door.

Once you get hold of your MP, it's worth seeing if they have got any money in their pockets first. MPs get about £400 per month lunch money on top of their £5,398 per month salary, and they've got nothing to spend it on since they seem to claim everything they need on expenses. If the MP's husband or wife is also an MP, make sure you check their pockets too. As well as their other second home.

You need to kill the MP now. They may protest a bit about being killed, but if you assure them that you have been told that you are acting within the rules; that you've done nothing wrong; and that the system is to blame, they can't possibly object, can they? It does not really matter how you kill the MP, but do bear in mind that the vast majority of them are full of shit. Strangling them is clean and efficient. And fun.

Now that the MP is dead, take their platinum credit card and the key to their Range Rover, collect the rest of your crew, and go and have a jolly good lunch at Clos Maggiore, Launceton Place, or the Boxwood Cafe, and claim it back on their expenses.

Bon Appetit!

[Roy Hunter]

Postman Alphabet Soup.

Catch a fresh postman. They usually appear between about 11:30 and mid-day, nursing a hangover and dropping letters in the gutter.

Using a set of alphabet cookie cutters, make some letter shapes out of the postman. If you aren't very strong, or the postman has a tough hide, you can batter the cookie cutters in with a meat tenderising mallet.

Boil the letters in stock for about half an hour, and serve it to your next door neighbour by mistake.

Bon Appetit!

[black bart]

Member of Parliament Business Lunch (On Expenses Only).

First you need to get access to a Member of Parliament. Offering to clean their moat for £2,000 + VAT quite often works; or else you can look up the address of one of their many second homes. MPs are notoriously greedy and most of them like a drink, so pretending that you've got some rum helps to get you in the front door.

Once you get hold of your MP, it's worth seeing if they have got any money in their pockets first. MPs get about £400 per month lunch money on top of their £5,398 per month salary, and they've got nothing to spend it on since they seem to claim everything they need on expenses. If the MP's husband or wife is also an MP, make sure you check their pockets too. As well as their other second home.

You need to kill the MP now. They may protest a bit about being killed, but if you assure them that you have been told that you are acting within the rules; that you've done nothing wrong; and that the system is to blame, they can't possibly object, can they? It does not really matter how you kill the MP, but do bear in mind that the vast majority of them are full of shit. Strangling them is clean and efficient. And fun.

Now that the MP is dead, take their platinum credit card and the key to their Range Rover, collect the rest of your crew, and go and have a jolly good lunch at Clos Maggiore, Launceton Place, or the Boxwood Cafe, and claim it back on their expenses.

Bon Appetit!

A nice variation to this recipe is this one sent in by PM Gordon Brown:

For this recipe you will need:

A very quick gettaway car and an alibi
An open fire
A huge pile of MP's receipts/porn/second home deeds etc

Simply throw the lot onto the fire and run like hell

Call Lord Mandelson when you get safely away and tell him 'Supper's Ready'.

[Nef Yoo BlackBeard]

Hokay, I gunna show yer how ter make parrit anna carrit.

Yer gets a parrit
Yer gets a carrit

Yer sticks the parrit an the carrit inner big pot inner uvvin fer abowt free owers until parrit es ded.

Et taste juss lyke rose chickn.

Fank ye, ye welkum.

[pieces o'nine]

^ duz ye has t'loight a fyre in thee ovven, loike, oar duz thee parrit jest has fix eyate?