Heh, Paul-a. Paula. Diss.
Duke
FSM Discussion
Dedicated to the teaching of Flying Spaghetti Monsterism
the book of Fearsome Pirate Pete
Moderator: All Things Mods
73 posts
• Page 5 of 5 • 1, 2, 3, 4, 5
by Duke on Tue Nov 08, 2005 4:08 am
"In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards."
--Mark Twain
He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.
--Friedrich Nietzsche
"If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil. But the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever."
--Woody Allen
--Mark Twain
He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.
--Friedrich Nietzsche
"If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil. But the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever."
--Woody Allen
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Duke - Prophet of Pastafarianism
- Posts: 8481
- Joined: Thu Oct 27, 2005 4:17 am
- Location: The Sunburnt Edge of the Western World
by Qwertyuiopasd on Sun Feb 19, 2006 9:11 am
O
M
G
I finished chapter nine, another climax draws near.
The man spoke in an Australian accent, and seemed a little off balance, but not from drinking or anything like that. He quickly spotted the guy Ushnor and Smid were talking to. “so, ye escaped from tha police did ya?†he asked, “heh, sure did Cerberus. Alls I had to do was act normal like, and they puts me in a mental institute!†the strange man’s head lolled around. “ha ha! So who are yer new friends?†he asked, slamming his hand into the insane guys back. “I he be Fearsome Pirate Pete. This’n be Ushnor, Hector and Smid†Pete said. “aye.†“what’sa up-a?†“yo†Ushnor, Hector, and Smid said passively. “say, I think I have something of yours mate!†Cerberus said. “yar, I speckin’ ye do. Cernsidarin thar damned banditos commandeered mar ship, and then ye raided thar port.†Pete responded. “arr, I suppose I did. Well, they’re mine now. I’m off†Cerberus said as he stood up, but he found Pete’s sword right on his chest as he did so. “wait jarst a minart thar. I be wantin’ me stuff back.†Pete said. “and what makes you think I’ll give you it back mate?†Cerberus said challengingly. “thars.†Pete said with a smirk as he sliced an X in Cerberus’ shirt. “Is that a chalange, Petey?†Pete twitched at Cerberus’s words. “nar, I believe it be’n more of a death penalty.†Pete said. “oh?†Cerberus retorted, “well then. A duel is it? Meet me by pier 32 on the bay at sunset.†“which bay? Thar be art least Fifty whern I’d be comin’ in!†Pete said. “just be there.†Cerberus said, annoyed, as he stormed out. “or be square!†someone said from the bar. “grah…. Friggin preps†Pete said to himself.
Pete stayed in the Pub for a while, and soon Paul came in. looking much more piratey than before. “well, whart arr we garna be doin?†Paul asked. “well,†Ushnor started, “lets go find this Fetching Skins guy, see if we can talk some sense into him. Any idea where he might be?†“yarg… ‘s prarbly at me armartment righ’ now stealin me stuff te go sell somewhar.†Paul responded. “yar, we be goin’ thar now tharn†Pete said, and the entire possie walked out the pub. Pete, Paul, Ushnor, Hector, Smid, and that one crazy guy. “dude, why you is still followin' us?†Smid asked the crazy guy. “oooohh.. I don’t know. I don’t have much else to do…†he responded. “well-a, you could-a at least-a tell-a us-a your name-a†Hector asked. “my name… my name es…. Parchessi… I think.†“really?†Ushnor asked, popping into the conversation. “mmmm probably not.†He said, grinning, “I just love Parchessi.†“whatever…†Ushnor said, increasing his pace to catch up with Pete. “arnd tharts how ye bake me mum’s apple pie.†Pete finished as Ushnor fell into step with him. “oh really… I ne’er would’ve guessed rabid lemurs were the main ingredient†Paul said. “oh yar, ye lose the entire flavar without et.â€
They quickly reached the apartment, all seemed well. “narg, ye see, me rooms in tha waaay barck, an’ ‘e canna go messin’ with othar peoples tharngs, now carn he?†Paul explained. “well larts go in’t tharn.†They entered the building, and quickly found Pauls room. Again, all seemed well, but when they opened the door, there was an tallish man looking about 50-55 years of age, with white wispy hair. “ah. Hello Paul†he said, “have you your payment yet?†“nar…†Paul said “well, normally I would have to punish you, but I see we have company.†The man said “yar ‘e be me-†Paul said, but was cut off by the old man. “let us be social then! I am Fitch A. Skeins. And you are?†“I he be fearsome Pirate Pete! Thars be part o’ me crew, Ushnor†“hey†“Hector†“hello-a†“an’ smid.†“yo†‘whet abeet meee???†‘parchessi’ said. “oh, arn’ this guys crarzy, an’ he follows uars everywhere. Oi spect ‘is narms parchessi†“propebeley.†Parchessi responded. “very well, very well.†Mr. Skeins said. “so.†They all stared at him. “err… does anyone like to cook?†Hector and Paul answered immediately “yarsa!†was the sound that was emitted. “well then. Maybe well chat later. I fear I have to take action about Pauls rent now.†Mr. Skeins struck Paul across the face. “are ye attackin’ me own flesh and blood?†Pete asked, unseathing his sword ever so slightly. “well if he’s your brother then I supposed I am attacking him.†Mr. Skeins responded. “well tharn. An attarck on me own flesh arn blard be arn artarck on me. an’, yesse, an’ artarck on me, is an attarck on me crew.†Pete explained “your point?†Mr. Skeins retorted.
Pete unsheathed his sword completely, and pete’s crew took out their weapons. Ushnor’s Hammer, Smids pistol, Hectors sword, pauls sword, and parchessis… rat tied to a stick via tail. “now… now boys, lets not be rash about anything.†“rash? That’s a baaaaad sign†Ushnor commented. “argh! Crap! Oi gots to get me stuff barck from thart ruffian, Cerberus.†Pete remembered. “Hectar, lock ‘im in tha arpartmarnt, an’ stand guard.†“aye aye-a captina.â€
Pete wasted no time running to the pier with all his crew, except Hector. Luckily, the first pier they tried had Cerberus on it. “yar, thart be a larcky break, nar?†Pete thought to himself. “ah, I see you’ve shown up. As you can see, your boat is here, ship shape and prepared to set sail. All you have to do is defeat me.†Cerberus explained. “like that will ever happen†he added. Pete unsheathed his sword quicky, and began to attack Cerberus. He came with a powerful blow downwards, but Cerberus blocked, forming a T with their swords. Cerberus pushed Pete back onto the ground. and launched a stab, but Pete rolled out of the way. Pete got up just in time to block another attack from Cerberus. Pete spun around, and attacked, but again was blocked. “hey, ya' wants' me t'pop him off?†Smid asked. “nar, thart warn’t be neccisary.†Pete said dodging another stab from Cerberus. “indeed petey†Pete twitched at Cerberus’ words, “you wouldn’t want to look like a coward, now would you? not that I don’t think that much of you anyway.†“GRARH!†Pete exclaimed as he pushed Cerberus off and attacked quickly. Just then Pete heard a splashing in the water. he looked up, and his boat was gone. “whart in thar name o’ ravioli…†Pete scanned the surroundings, and saw that his boat was sailing off with a small crew. Pete slammed his sword down into the wood beneath him, breaking the floor and causing the sword to fly into the ocean. He then went on a rampage of wrecking boxes and crates that were near. He quickly picked up a large crate and threw it over into the bay. “hey! I think that was rum!†Cerberus said. “OH YEAH? WELL YAR DON’ NEED ANNA MAR O’ IT YA BLOODY BRIGAND! OI GO’S IN THA CANAL AND ME SHIP GETS STOLEN! THEN OI FIND THE BUGGERS WHAR STOLE IT, ARNLY TE FIND SARMEWARN ELSE STARL IT! NOW WEAR FIGHTIN’ O’ER IT, AND THA BLOODY BOAT GERTS CARMANDEERED AGAIN! NOW YAR LERT ME USE YAR BOAT SO OI CAN GET ME DAMN SHIP BACK!†Pete yelled at Cerberus in a rage. “wh.. why my boat? You must’ve had one, how else would you have gotten here?†Cerberus asked quietly. “yar…†Pete said calming down, “yar thart be a gard parnt. Still, yar bring yar boat, so we carn surruarnd em ar sometharng.†“right-o†Cerberus said, leaving as fast as he could to go get his ship. “argh, come on fellars, we’ll go gert thar boat.â€
The crew followed Pete quietly to the ship. #1 and #2 were there, finishing off the last of the Toilet Paper, and Raul was messing around at the helm. “yar, get thar hell outtar thar. War gart te gar fin arsarlves ar ship!â€
They wasted no time setting up. They rendezvoused with Cerberus near the beach, and spotted Petes ship in the distance. “YAR! All men te’ thar garlley! Row lark yar’ve nevar rowed befar!†Pete commanded. “ay captian! Pero if we no row before, how we row well?†Raul asked concernedly. Pete blinked. “it’s a durn figgar o’ speech!†he said. “ah! Sà señor.†Raul said. He ran down to the galleys to help row. Pete and Cerberus’ boats were making good time, but they still weren’t catching up enough. So Pete prayed to the great noodly one. He called upon the Flying Spaghetti Monster to give his ship the speed and virility to catch up to his real ship, so he could at last be re-united. “RAmen†Pete finished. After a moment of silence, both ships accelerated to incredible speeds. Pete saw on Cerberus’ ship that yellow, noodly appendages were coming out of sides of it, aiding in the rowing. Within minutes they caught up to Petes real ship. But Pete was shocked to see who had commandeered his ship.
A bunch of men in tight black robes with think swords and headbands.
I need to know for numbering it, is the first number the chapter, or the paragraph? I know the second is the line. because theres alot of paragraphs in FPP.
M
G
I finished chapter nine, another climax draws near.
The man spoke in an Australian accent, and seemed a little off balance, but not from drinking or anything like that. He quickly spotted the guy Ushnor and Smid were talking to. “so, ye escaped from tha police did ya?†he asked, “heh, sure did Cerberus. Alls I had to do was act normal like, and they puts me in a mental institute!†the strange man’s head lolled around. “ha ha! So who are yer new friends?†he asked, slamming his hand into the insane guys back. “I he be Fearsome Pirate Pete. This’n be Ushnor, Hector and Smid†Pete said. “aye.†“what’sa up-a?†“yo†Ushnor, Hector, and Smid said passively. “say, I think I have something of yours mate!†Cerberus said. “yar, I speckin’ ye do. Cernsidarin thar damned banditos commandeered mar ship, and then ye raided thar port.†Pete responded. “arr, I suppose I did. Well, they’re mine now. I’m off†Cerberus said as he stood up, but he found Pete’s sword right on his chest as he did so. “wait jarst a minart thar. I be wantin’ me stuff back.†Pete said. “and what makes you think I’ll give you it back mate?†Cerberus said challengingly. “thars.†Pete said with a smirk as he sliced an X in Cerberus’ shirt. “Is that a chalange, Petey?†Pete twitched at Cerberus’s words. “nar, I believe it be’n more of a death penalty.†Pete said. “oh?†Cerberus retorted, “well then. A duel is it? Meet me by pier 32 on the bay at sunset.†“which bay? Thar be art least Fifty whern I’d be comin’ in!†Pete said. “just be there.†Cerberus said, annoyed, as he stormed out. “or be square!†someone said from the bar. “grah…. Friggin preps†Pete said to himself.
Pete stayed in the Pub for a while, and soon Paul came in. looking much more piratey than before. “well, whart arr we garna be doin?†Paul asked. “well,†Ushnor started, “lets go find this Fetching Skins guy, see if we can talk some sense into him. Any idea where he might be?†“yarg… ‘s prarbly at me armartment righ’ now stealin me stuff te go sell somewhar.†Paul responded. “yar, we be goin’ thar now tharn†Pete said, and the entire possie walked out the pub. Pete, Paul, Ushnor, Hector, Smid, and that one crazy guy. “dude, why you is still followin' us?†Smid asked the crazy guy. “oooohh.. I don’t know. I don’t have much else to do…†he responded. “well-a, you could-a at least-a tell-a us-a your name-a†Hector asked. “my name… my name es…. Parchessi… I think.†“really?†Ushnor asked, popping into the conversation. “mmmm probably not.†He said, grinning, “I just love Parchessi.†“whatever…†Ushnor said, increasing his pace to catch up with Pete. “arnd tharts how ye bake me mum’s apple pie.†Pete finished as Ushnor fell into step with him. “oh really… I ne’er would’ve guessed rabid lemurs were the main ingredient†Paul said. “oh yar, ye lose the entire flavar without et.â€
They quickly reached the apartment, all seemed well. “narg, ye see, me rooms in tha waaay barck, an’ ‘e canna go messin’ with othar peoples tharngs, now carn he?†Paul explained. “well larts go in’t tharn.†They entered the building, and quickly found Pauls room. Again, all seemed well, but when they opened the door, there was an tallish man looking about 50-55 years of age, with white wispy hair. “ah. Hello Paul†he said, “have you your payment yet?†“nar…†Paul said “well, normally I would have to punish you, but I see we have company.†The man said “yar ‘e be me-†Paul said, but was cut off by the old man. “let us be social then! I am Fitch A. Skeins. And you are?†“I he be fearsome Pirate Pete! Thars be part o’ me crew, Ushnor†“hey†“Hector†“hello-a†“an’ smid.†“yo†‘whet abeet meee???†‘parchessi’ said. “oh, arn’ this guys crarzy, an’ he follows uars everywhere. Oi spect ‘is narms parchessi†“propebeley.†Parchessi responded. “very well, very well.†Mr. Skeins said. “so.†They all stared at him. “err… does anyone like to cook?†Hector and Paul answered immediately “yarsa!†was the sound that was emitted. “well then. Maybe well chat later. I fear I have to take action about Pauls rent now.†Mr. Skeins struck Paul across the face. “are ye attackin’ me own flesh and blood?†Pete asked, unseathing his sword ever so slightly. “well if he’s your brother then I supposed I am attacking him.†Mr. Skeins responded. “well tharn. An attarck on me own flesh arn blard be arn artarck on me. an’, yesse, an’ artarck on me, is an attarck on me crew.†Pete explained “your point?†Mr. Skeins retorted.
Pete unsheathed his sword completely, and pete’s crew took out their weapons. Ushnor’s Hammer, Smids pistol, Hectors sword, pauls sword, and parchessis… rat tied to a stick via tail. “now… now boys, lets not be rash about anything.†“rash? That’s a baaaaad sign†Ushnor commented. “argh! Crap! Oi gots to get me stuff barck from thart ruffian, Cerberus.†Pete remembered. “Hectar, lock ‘im in tha arpartmarnt, an’ stand guard.†“aye aye-a captina.â€
Pete wasted no time running to the pier with all his crew, except Hector. Luckily, the first pier they tried had Cerberus on it. “yar, thart be a larcky break, nar?†Pete thought to himself. “ah, I see you’ve shown up. As you can see, your boat is here, ship shape and prepared to set sail. All you have to do is defeat me.†Cerberus explained. “like that will ever happen†he added. Pete unsheathed his sword quicky, and began to attack Cerberus. He came with a powerful blow downwards, but Cerberus blocked, forming a T with their swords. Cerberus pushed Pete back onto the ground. and launched a stab, but Pete rolled out of the way. Pete got up just in time to block another attack from Cerberus. Pete spun around, and attacked, but again was blocked. “hey, ya' wants' me t'pop him off?†Smid asked. “nar, thart warn’t be neccisary.†Pete said dodging another stab from Cerberus. “indeed petey†Pete twitched at Cerberus’ words, “you wouldn’t want to look like a coward, now would you? not that I don’t think that much of you anyway.†“GRARH!†Pete exclaimed as he pushed Cerberus off and attacked quickly. Just then Pete heard a splashing in the water. he looked up, and his boat was gone. “whart in thar name o’ ravioli…†Pete scanned the surroundings, and saw that his boat was sailing off with a small crew. Pete slammed his sword down into the wood beneath him, breaking the floor and causing the sword to fly into the ocean. He then went on a rampage of wrecking boxes and crates that were near. He quickly picked up a large crate and threw it over into the bay. “hey! I think that was rum!†Cerberus said. “OH YEAH? WELL YAR DON’ NEED ANNA MAR O’ IT YA BLOODY BRIGAND! OI GO’S IN THA CANAL AND ME SHIP GETS STOLEN! THEN OI FIND THE BUGGERS WHAR STOLE IT, ARNLY TE FIND SARMEWARN ELSE STARL IT! NOW WEAR FIGHTIN’ O’ER IT, AND THA BLOODY BOAT GERTS CARMANDEERED AGAIN! NOW YAR LERT ME USE YAR BOAT SO OI CAN GET ME DAMN SHIP BACK!†Pete yelled at Cerberus in a rage. “wh.. why my boat? You must’ve had one, how else would you have gotten here?†Cerberus asked quietly. “yar…†Pete said calming down, “yar thart be a gard parnt. Still, yar bring yar boat, so we carn surruarnd em ar sometharng.†“right-o†Cerberus said, leaving as fast as he could to go get his ship. “argh, come on fellars, we’ll go gert thar boat.â€
The crew followed Pete quietly to the ship. #1 and #2 were there, finishing off the last of the Toilet Paper, and Raul was messing around at the helm. “yar, get thar hell outtar thar. War gart te gar fin arsarlves ar ship!â€
They wasted no time setting up. They rendezvoused with Cerberus near the beach, and spotted Petes ship in the distance. “YAR! All men te’ thar garlley! Row lark yar’ve nevar rowed befar!†Pete commanded. “ay captian! Pero if we no row before, how we row well?†Raul asked concernedly. Pete blinked. “it’s a durn figgar o’ speech!†he said. “ah! Sà señor.†Raul said. He ran down to the galleys to help row. Pete and Cerberus’ boats were making good time, but they still weren’t catching up enough. So Pete prayed to the great noodly one. He called upon the Flying Spaghetti Monster to give his ship the speed and virility to catch up to his real ship, so he could at last be re-united. “RAmen†Pete finished. After a moment of silence, both ships accelerated to incredible speeds. Pete saw on Cerberus’ ship that yellow, noodly appendages were coming out of sides of it, aiding in the rowing. Within minutes they caught up to Petes real ship. But Pete was shocked to see who had commandeered his ship.
A bunch of men in tight black robes with think swords and headbands.
I need to know for numbering it, is the first number the chapter, or the paragraph? I know the second is the line. because theres alot of paragraphs in FPP.
daftbeaker wrote:But if I stop bugging you I'll have to go back to arguing with Qwerty about whether beauty is truth and precisely what we both mean by 'purple'
Every dead body that is not exterminated becomes one them, it gets up and kills. The people it kill get up and kill!
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Qwertyuiopasd - Admirable Admiral Qwerty
- Posts: 14218
- Joined: Wed Sep 14, 2005 5:38 pm
- Location: Northern Virginia
by Qwertyuiopasd on Mon Sep 18, 2006 8:41 pm
and now.... the moment you've probably all forgotten about....
THE CONCLUSION.
OF.
FEARSOME.
PIRATE.
PETE
'bout damn time.
anyway, here she goes:
The chapters known as last, or in some languages, X
Pete’s ship caught up to his ship on the starboard side, and Cerberus on the port side. Now, Pete could’ve sworn to his back hair that he saw a crew of men wearing tight black robes, but now the ship seemed deserted, and it slowly floated along. Pete signaled to Cerberus to board the ship carefully. Cerberus checked the lower decks, while Pete searched the cabin with Ushnor.
Suddenly, as if they appeared from the air, five of the tightly robed ninjas surrounded Pete and Ushnor. “Yargh! Ye be tha ones who be stealin’ me ship! Ah’ll Keel-Haul all o’ ye!!!!!†Pete unsheathed his sword and unleashed his anger. In a mad berserkering whirlwind Pete cut down four of the men, then grabbed the last ones head. “Tell me who sent ye an’ ah’ll end ye sufferin’!†Pete demanded. “We are… the ninjas of Dukai-San. You are to die.†He said. Pete crushed his head in his hand.
Pete ran out to the deck and yelled to his crew “Thar be Ninjars aboard! Get ‘t thar top an’ defend y’selves! Ah’ll be below.†Pete went into the lower sections of the ship, and Ushnor followed. They thoroughly searched every nook and cranny, but found no ninjas or signs of ninjas, even looking behind themselves periodically to be careful. “Ah hates thar cowardly vermin like ninjars. Arlways hidin’ ‘n sneakin’ ‘n stabbin’ oh so quietly….†Pete muttered. He and Ushnor decided that all the decks were clear, so they headed to the top again. on the Deck, they found Ushnor, Smid, Raul, #1, #2, Parchessi, Paul, Cerberus, and his crew huddled together, on guard for a ninja attack.
“Any sign o’ them?†Cerberus asked. “nar, not yet…†Pete responded. Without warning, a wave of ninjas exploded from the outsides of the ship and descended upon the crew. “KILL ‘EM AAARRRRLLLL!!!!!!†Pete screamed, then joined in the fray. He hacked down ninjas left and right, or so he thought, as the ninjas were very quick and tricky. Pete hacked and slashed his way into the center of the battler, where Cerberus and Smid fought back to back. “D’ye have everytharng undar contral?†Pete asked, as he backed in with them, fighting and stabbing the ninjas. “Fine much, Captain, but dese ninjas use fightin' styles so's different fum ours, its hard t'defend. dey're freakin' quick too. 'S coo', bro.†Smid replied. “Gerd†Pete said. Pete was about to move over to Hector, who was having some problems, when all of the ninjas leaped up and formed a circle around Smid, Cerberus, Parchessi, Raul, #2, #1, Paul, and Pete. “Whart y’ think they be up to, brother?†Paul asked. Before Pete’s response, a new ninja stepped out of the cabin. He wore a red bandana around his head. “You are the captain Pete, correct?†he asked. “Aye, thart be me.†Pete responded. “I am Shotoku, master of ninjutsu, and your doom.†Shotoku responded. “Oh, arh really be dourting thart.†Pete said. “Then combat me.†Shotoku challenged.
Pete stepped forth and readied his blade. Shotoku took a very different stance, and slowly stepped toward Pete, keeping his stance. Pete came forward slowly as well, watching Shotoku carefully, and then Shotoku spun around and slashed at Pete. Pete blocked, then sidestepped and attempted a stab, but that was knocked aside. Shotoku jumped up, and then came down with his sword parallel to the ground. Pete side-stepped, but still blocked the sword. Shotoku back-flipped, spun in the air again, and landed in a perfect stance. “Bloody show-arf†Pete spat. In a quick and spinning convolution of his black robes, Shotoku came closer to Pete, and seemed to have multiple swords. Pete stuck his in, and it knocked Shotoku over, who immediately got up, but was very angry. He hacked and slashed, losing some of his control. Pete blocked mostly, but attempted a few slashes and stabs, all failing. They continued this dance, first with Pete backing up, but then Pete would back Shotoku in the other direction. Then Shotoku began using more complex ninja moves, and Pete had to be more on guard. The sun began to set behind them, and Pete started to sweat. He held his ground until the last rays of light escaped over the horizon, for that is when the Ninja used his most clever trick. He jumped backwards, and threw a small black ball onto the ground, which exploded upon contact. There was a slightly blinding flash of light and copious amounts of smoke. Pete tried to get through the smoke to see his opponent, but in the midst of it all, something happened. Ushnor, nor any of the other onlookers could tell what had happened. But after it did happen, there was no more movement. The smoke dissipated quickly, and it was revealed that Pete had been stabbed very low in his torso. This sent Ushnor into a blinding rage, and he ran at Shotoku, pulling his war hammer behind his head, ready to crush Shotoku. This action surprised Shotoku, and that cost him dearly. Ushnors hammer made contact with the base of Shotoku’s spine, and he fell to the ground, paralyzed. “Dukai-San will…†but before Shotoku could finish, Ushnor crushed his legs with his hammer, and then he crushed Shotoku’s head. He continued crushing different parts of his body until all that was left was a bloody pulp of flesh and bone.
Ushnor breathed heavily, and his Hammar fell from his grip, too weak to continue holding it. The on-looking ninjas stood for a moment, then all left without any provocation. “todo la ninjas left… why?†Raul asked. “Well… Shotoku, their leader, was surprised when Ushnor acted after Pete, his leaders, death. When Shotoku was defeated, they all left.†#1 explained “Therefore we can conclude that it is customary from their lands to yield, admit defeat, leave, what have you, when their leader is destroyed.†#2 finished. “Yeah, dat makes sense†Smid said. “Me… me brothar…. ‘e be dead….†Paul sat down slowly. “I couldn’t steal from a dead man, especially one with family.†Cerberus said. “I’ll leave you with his ship. I also offer you my ship and my crews’ services.†He finished. “I’ll take that offer. This ‘Dukai-San’ person will pay. Tell me, where do Ninjas come from?†Ushnor asked. “wheeel, wheen ay neenja man, und ee neenja womahn luuf eeech eeuuther veeraaa mouch…†Parchessi started. “Parchessi, don’t.†Cerberus silenced him “Ninjas hail from the east, or rather, north as far as we’re concerned right now. They’re most likely from Japan. We can find more information in Tokyo, most likely.†“Then to Japan we sail. We’ll return to Sydney first and deal with Mr. Skeins. Paul… traditionally I’d be the captain, but if you’d like to captain, I’d gladly stay my post as 1st mate.†Ushnor offered. “Nar… nar…. I be much happier ‘t be cookin’ grub fer tha crew…. Lert’s set sail.†Paul responded.
And so Ushnor became captain, Smid became first mate, and Raul became second mate. Paul became the cook, and #1 and #2 became crew members. Some of Cerberus’ crew came to Ushnors Ship, but some stayed on Cerberus’ ship. Cerberus of course captained his ship, with Parchessi as his first mate.
Epilogue
Thus ended the life of Fearsome Pirate Pete. Pete ascended to Heaven, where he was met by the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
“You have done well, my pirate. You have shown strength in the face of adversity, and much perseverance. I award you with the finest Grog and best stripping wenches in the cosmos. Is there anything you wish for?†the great noodly one did ask.
“Ah spent me life on tha seas… now I see heaven has no Carribean, or Pacific ocean, or any ocean… not to take this personally, yer pastilyness, but I find it rather atrocious. If I could have one wish here, it would be that there is a great, endless Caribbean with islands ripe for the pillaging, and others with beautiful scenery and nifty hiding places. That no matter how far ye travel, there always be somethin’ ye can explore or pillage, and that there never be an end to tha advernture.†Pete said.
“so be it. Let it be known from this day forward, there shall be an Endless Caribbean, and any who wish may join or create a Pirate crew to pillage and explore the vastness of heavens Caribbean.†The Flying Spaghetti Monster declared. “oh, and one more thing…â€
Pete looked behind the Flying Spaghetti Monster, and saw a penguin, waddling towards him. “Bob? Thart be you?†Pete asked. “I do seem to be. How goes it, old friend?†Bob asked. “Well, I’ve kind of died, y’see… but I have a feelin’ heaven will be a good retirement. May I ask… how did you die?†Pete said. “died? ha ha, no… I am not a mortal, Pete, but an agent of His Noodliness. One of the many Noodly Appendages on earth, one might say. I was sent to find and walk with you that time in the Norse lands.†Bob explained. Pete and Bob did continue to talk, and they walked towards the Great Beer Volcano. The loyalty, determination, and badass pirateyness of Fearsome Pirate Pete did make the FSM glad.
chapter X, AND an epilogue. am I over-acheiveing or what?
time to go through, edite verything, number it, bla bla bla....
but all the rough draft is now here. yay for archiving.
~Qwerty
remember, my avatar is FPP, in 8bits.
THE CONCLUSION.
OF.
FEARSOME.
PIRATE.
PETE
'bout damn time.
anyway, here she goes:
The chapters known as last, or in some languages, X
Pete’s ship caught up to his ship on the starboard side, and Cerberus on the port side. Now, Pete could’ve sworn to his back hair that he saw a crew of men wearing tight black robes, but now the ship seemed deserted, and it slowly floated along. Pete signaled to Cerberus to board the ship carefully. Cerberus checked the lower decks, while Pete searched the cabin with Ushnor.
Suddenly, as if they appeared from the air, five of the tightly robed ninjas surrounded Pete and Ushnor. “Yargh! Ye be tha ones who be stealin’ me ship! Ah’ll Keel-Haul all o’ ye!!!!!†Pete unsheathed his sword and unleashed his anger. In a mad berserkering whirlwind Pete cut down four of the men, then grabbed the last ones head. “Tell me who sent ye an’ ah’ll end ye sufferin’!†Pete demanded. “We are… the ninjas of Dukai-San. You are to die.†He said. Pete crushed his head in his hand.
Pete ran out to the deck and yelled to his crew “Thar be Ninjars aboard! Get ‘t thar top an’ defend y’selves! Ah’ll be below.†Pete went into the lower sections of the ship, and Ushnor followed. They thoroughly searched every nook and cranny, but found no ninjas or signs of ninjas, even looking behind themselves periodically to be careful. “Ah hates thar cowardly vermin like ninjars. Arlways hidin’ ‘n sneakin’ ‘n stabbin’ oh so quietly….†Pete muttered. He and Ushnor decided that all the decks were clear, so they headed to the top again. on the Deck, they found Ushnor, Smid, Raul, #1, #2, Parchessi, Paul, Cerberus, and his crew huddled together, on guard for a ninja attack.
“Any sign o’ them?†Cerberus asked. “nar, not yet…†Pete responded. Without warning, a wave of ninjas exploded from the outsides of the ship and descended upon the crew. “KILL ‘EM AAARRRRLLLL!!!!!!†Pete screamed, then joined in the fray. He hacked down ninjas left and right, or so he thought, as the ninjas were very quick and tricky. Pete hacked and slashed his way into the center of the battler, where Cerberus and Smid fought back to back. “D’ye have everytharng undar contral?†Pete asked, as he backed in with them, fighting and stabbing the ninjas. “Fine much, Captain, but dese ninjas use fightin' styles so's different fum ours, its hard t'defend. dey're freakin' quick too. 'S coo', bro.†Smid replied. “Gerd†Pete said. Pete was about to move over to Hector, who was having some problems, when all of the ninjas leaped up and formed a circle around Smid, Cerberus, Parchessi, Raul, #2, #1, Paul, and Pete. “Whart y’ think they be up to, brother?†Paul asked. Before Pete’s response, a new ninja stepped out of the cabin. He wore a red bandana around his head. “You are the captain Pete, correct?†he asked. “Aye, thart be me.†Pete responded. “I am Shotoku, master of ninjutsu, and your doom.†Shotoku responded. “Oh, arh really be dourting thart.†Pete said. “Then combat me.†Shotoku challenged.
Pete stepped forth and readied his blade. Shotoku took a very different stance, and slowly stepped toward Pete, keeping his stance. Pete came forward slowly as well, watching Shotoku carefully, and then Shotoku spun around and slashed at Pete. Pete blocked, then sidestepped and attempted a stab, but that was knocked aside. Shotoku jumped up, and then came down with his sword parallel to the ground. Pete side-stepped, but still blocked the sword. Shotoku back-flipped, spun in the air again, and landed in a perfect stance. “Bloody show-arf†Pete spat. In a quick and spinning convolution of his black robes, Shotoku came closer to Pete, and seemed to have multiple swords. Pete stuck his in, and it knocked Shotoku over, who immediately got up, but was very angry. He hacked and slashed, losing some of his control. Pete blocked mostly, but attempted a few slashes and stabs, all failing. They continued this dance, first with Pete backing up, but then Pete would back Shotoku in the other direction. Then Shotoku began using more complex ninja moves, and Pete had to be more on guard. The sun began to set behind them, and Pete started to sweat. He held his ground until the last rays of light escaped over the horizon, for that is when the Ninja used his most clever trick. He jumped backwards, and threw a small black ball onto the ground, which exploded upon contact. There was a slightly blinding flash of light and copious amounts of smoke. Pete tried to get through the smoke to see his opponent, but in the midst of it all, something happened. Ushnor, nor any of the other onlookers could tell what had happened. But after it did happen, there was no more movement. The smoke dissipated quickly, and it was revealed that Pete had been stabbed very low in his torso. This sent Ushnor into a blinding rage, and he ran at Shotoku, pulling his war hammer behind his head, ready to crush Shotoku. This action surprised Shotoku, and that cost him dearly. Ushnors hammer made contact with the base of Shotoku’s spine, and he fell to the ground, paralyzed. “Dukai-San will…†but before Shotoku could finish, Ushnor crushed his legs with his hammer, and then he crushed Shotoku’s head. He continued crushing different parts of his body until all that was left was a bloody pulp of flesh and bone.
Ushnor breathed heavily, and his Hammar fell from his grip, too weak to continue holding it. The on-looking ninjas stood for a moment, then all left without any provocation. “todo la ninjas left… why?†Raul asked. “Well… Shotoku, their leader, was surprised when Ushnor acted after Pete, his leaders, death. When Shotoku was defeated, they all left.†#1 explained “Therefore we can conclude that it is customary from their lands to yield, admit defeat, leave, what have you, when their leader is destroyed.†#2 finished. “Yeah, dat makes sense†Smid said. “Me… me brothar…. ‘e be dead….†Paul sat down slowly. “I couldn’t steal from a dead man, especially one with family.†Cerberus said. “I’ll leave you with his ship. I also offer you my ship and my crews’ services.†He finished. “I’ll take that offer. This ‘Dukai-San’ person will pay. Tell me, where do Ninjas come from?†Ushnor asked. “wheeel, wheen ay neenja man, und ee neenja womahn luuf eeech eeuuther veeraaa mouch…†Parchessi started. “Parchessi, don’t.†Cerberus silenced him “Ninjas hail from the east, or rather, north as far as we’re concerned right now. They’re most likely from Japan. We can find more information in Tokyo, most likely.†“Then to Japan we sail. We’ll return to Sydney first and deal with Mr. Skeins. Paul… traditionally I’d be the captain, but if you’d like to captain, I’d gladly stay my post as 1st mate.†Ushnor offered. “Nar… nar…. I be much happier ‘t be cookin’ grub fer tha crew…. Lert’s set sail.†Paul responded.
And so Ushnor became captain, Smid became first mate, and Raul became second mate. Paul became the cook, and #1 and #2 became crew members. Some of Cerberus’ crew came to Ushnors Ship, but some stayed on Cerberus’ ship. Cerberus of course captained his ship, with Parchessi as his first mate.
Epilogue
Thus ended the life of Fearsome Pirate Pete. Pete ascended to Heaven, where he was met by the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
“You have done well, my pirate. You have shown strength in the face of adversity, and much perseverance. I award you with the finest Grog and best stripping wenches in the cosmos. Is there anything you wish for?†the great noodly one did ask.
“Ah spent me life on tha seas… now I see heaven has no Carribean, or Pacific ocean, or any ocean… not to take this personally, yer pastilyness, but I find it rather atrocious. If I could have one wish here, it would be that there is a great, endless Caribbean with islands ripe for the pillaging, and others with beautiful scenery and nifty hiding places. That no matter how far ye travel, there always be somethin’ ye can explore or pillage, and that there never be an end to tha advernture.†Pete said.
“so be it. Let it be known from this day forward, there shall be an Endless Caribbean, and any who wish may join or create a Pirate crew to pillage and explore the vastness of heavens Caribbean.†The Flying Spaghetti Monster declared. “oh, and one more thing…â€
Pete looked behind the Flying Spaghetti Monster, and saw a penguin, waddling towards him. “Bob? Thart be you?†Pete asked. “I do seem to be. How goes it, old friend?†Bob asked. “Well, I’ve kind of died, y’see… but I have a feelin’ heaven will be a good retirement. May I ask… how did you die?†Pete said. “died? ha ha, no… I am not a mortal, Pete, but an agent of His Noodliness. One of the many Noodly Appendages on earth, one might say. I was sent to find and walk with you that time in the Norse lands.†Bob explained. Pete and Bob did continue to talk, and they walked towards the Great Beer Volcano. The loyalty, determination, and badass pirateyness of Fearsome Pirate Pete did make the FSM glad.
chapter X, AND an epilogue. am I over-acheiveing or what?
time to go through, edite verything, number it, bla bla bla....
but all the rough draft is now here. yay for archiving.
~Qwerty
remember, my avatar is FPP, in 8bits.
daftbeaker wrote:But if I stop bugging you I'll have to go back to arguing with Qwerty about whether beauty is truth and precisely what we both mean by 'purple'
Every dead body that is not exterminated becomes one them, it gets up and kills. The people it kill get up and kill!
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Qwertyuiopasd - Admirable Admiral Qwerty
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Re: the book of Fearsome Pirate Pete
by Qwertyuiopasd on Sun Mar 15, 2009 8:54 am
Egads, anyone have any idea what happened to the text here? It's like all the apostrophes and possibly more got... messed up.
It wouldn't be that bad, since I still have the original .doc, but it's missing the last chapter and epilogue, for some reason. If nothing can be done, I'll just copy the post into word and fix it by hand.
I also might re-do some of the last parts... I need to re-read most of it, but I'm not sure there's enough meaning in the last chapters. Shouldn't be too hard to work on some proverbs or laws, though.
Any and all ideas are, of course, appreciated.
It wouldn't be that bad, since I still have the original .doc, but it's missing the last chapter and epilogue, for some reason. If nothing can be done, I'll just copy the post into word and fix it by hand.
I also might re-do some of the last parts... I need to re-read most of it, but I'm not sure there's enough meaning in the last chapters. Shouldn't be too hard to work on some proverbs or laws, though.
Any and all ideas are, of course, appreciated.
daftbeaker wrote:But if I stop bugging you I'll have to go back to arguing with Qwerty about whether beauty is truth and precisely what we both mean by 'purple'
Every dead body that is not exterminated becomes one them, it gets up and kills. The people it kill get up and kill!
-
Qwertyuiopasd - Admirable Admiral Qwerty
- Posts: 14218
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Re: the book of Fearsome Pirate Pete
by DaveL on Tue Mar 17, 2009 6:49 pm
Qwert,
We could do a search/replace in Word. If you can't edit it, give us a yell and I'll do it.
I've got the same problem with The Book of Midgets/Midgits.
We could do a search/replace in Word. If you can't edit it, give us a yell and I'll do it.
I've got the same problem with The Book of Midgets/Midgits.
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DaveL - Mod-ARGH-rator
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Re: the book of Fearsome Pirate Pete
by Qwertyuiopasd on Tue Mar 17, 2009 7:00 pm
I was able to go in by hand and do it. But that tactic should work, since it's always quotations, apostrophes, and ellipses that are replaced with the same symbols each time, respectively.
Of course, the whole thing needs heavy editing anyway since it's kind of terrible. I might just make everything it's own line, number it that way, and maybe later put it back into paragraphs.
Also need to cut out frivolous parts.
Of course, the whole thing needs heavy editing anyway since it's kind of terrible. I might just make everything it's own line, number it that way, and maybe later put it back into paragraphs.
Also need to cut out frivolous parts.
daftbeaker wrote:But if I stop bugging you I'll have to go back to arguing with Qwerty about whether beauty is truth and precisely what we both mean by 'purple'
Every dead body that is not exterminated becomes one them, it gets up and kills. The people it kill get up and kill!
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Qwertyuiopasd - Admirable Admiral Qwerty
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- Location: Northern Virginia
Re: the book of Fearsome Pirate Pete
by Platypus Enthusiast on Tue Mar 31, 2009 8:43 pm
I started reading it Qwerty, but it's slow going with all the weird symbols Atkins must've slipped in to try to taint your work. But so far I think it's really sweet and I'm thinking it deserves to go into the Loose Canon. That cool with you?
Check out an official Pastafarian holy book, the Loose Canon: http://loose-canon.fsm-consortium.com/the-loose-canon/
"With Him, All Things are Pasta-Bowl."
-ProvHerbs 3:35
"With Him, All Things are Pasta-Bowl."
-ProvHerbs 3:35
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Platypus Enthusiast - Tortellini Third Mate
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Re: the book of Fearsome Pirate Pete
by Nef Yoo BlackBeard on Tue Mar 31, 2009 9:48 pm
an dunt fergit bowt me 
rrrrrrrr
rrrrrrrr
cabin boy fir hyer. jyint hat no hextra charj.
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Nef Yoo BlackBeard - Mystic of Meatball
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Re: the book of Fearsome Pirate Pete
by Qwertyuiopasd on Wed Apr 01, 2009 4:54 am
Platypus Enthusiast wrote:I started reading it Qwerty, but it's slow going with all the weird symbols Atkins must've slipped in to try to taint your work. But so far I think it's really sweet and I'm thinking it deserves to go into the Loose Canon. That cool with you?
Of course! I still might want to edit certain parts, mostly spelling. Unless you like it as it is. If you PM me your email I can send you an uncorrupted version.
daftbeaker wrote:But if I stop bugging you I'll have to go back to arguing with Qwerty about whether beauty is truth and precisely what we both mean by 'purple'
Every dead body that is not exterminated becomes one them, it gets up and kills. The people it kill get up and kill!
-
Qwertyuiopasd - Admirable Admiral Qwerty
- Posts: 14218
- Joined: Wed Sep 14, 2005 5:38 pm
- Location: Northern Virginia
Re: the book of Fearsome Pirate Pete
by Platypus Enthusiast on Wed Apr 01, 2009 12:25 pm
Qwertyuiopasd wrote:Platypus Enthusiast wrote:I started reading it Qwerty, but it's slow going with all the weird symbols Atkins must've slipped in to try to taint your work. But so far I think it's really sweet and I'm thinking it deserves to go into the Loose Canon. That cool with you?
Of course! I still might want to edit certain parts, mostly spelling. Unless you like it as it is. If you PM me your email I can send you an uncorrupted version.
Cool dude. If you wanna fix anything, that's cool with me. Also, I've been having all the writers number their verses, but since you wanted to have it so quoting ignores the actual chapter and verse, it's cool if you don't. That's just too funny to change imo. So when you're happy with it, you can email it to me.
Check out an official Pastafarian holy book, the Loose Canon: http://loose-canon.fsm-consortium.com/the-loose-canon/
"With Him, All Things are Pasta-Bowl."
-ProvHerbs 3:35
"With Him, All Things are Pasta-Bowl."
-ProvHerbs 3:35
-
Platypus Enthusiast - Tortellini Third Mate
- Posts: 349
- Joined: Wed Nov 07, 2007 12:21 am
- Location: New Jersey: The Spaghetti State
Re: the book of Fearsome Pirate Pete
by Qwertyuiopasd on Fri Apr 24, 2009 4:18 am
Current plan is to rewrite the whole thing. The only part I'll probably be keeping without much alteration will be the chapters wtih Bob the Penguin. I'll keep... somewhat of a simmilar storyline.
if you want to include both versions, that's cool, just more confusing. Which can be good.
But I really want this to like... mean something. and the only part of this with any meaning so far are the aforementioned Bob the Penguin fables.
not sure when I'll get around to being able to do it, but I assume we don't have any sort of deadline, yes?
if you want to include both versions, that's cool, just more confusing. Which can be good.
But I really want this to like... mean something. and the only part of this with any meaning so far are the aforementioned Bob the Penguin fables.not sure when I'll get around to being able to do it, but I assume we don't have any sort of deadline, yes?
daftbeaker wrote:But if I stop bugging you I'll have to go back to arguing with Qwerty about whether beauty is truth and precisely what we both mean by 'purple'
Every dead body that is not exterminated becomes one them, it gets up and kills. The people it kill get up and kill!
-
Qwertyuiopasd - Admirable Admiral Qwerty
- Posts: 14218
- Joined: Wed Sep 14, 2005 5:38 pm
- Location: Northern Virginia
Re: the book of Fearsome Pirate Pete
by Platypus Enthusiast on Fri Apr 24, 2009 9:35 pm
Qwertyuiopasd wrote:Current plan is to rewrite the whole thing. The only part I'll probably be keeping without much alteration will be the chapters wtih Bob the Penguin. I'll keep... somewhat of a simmilar storyline.
if you want to include both versions, that's cool, just more confusing. Which can be good.
not sure when I'll get around to being able to do it, but I assume we don't have any sort of deadline, yes?
That's cool dude. Meaning is good. Like I might've said, it's your baby, you can do whatever you want to it. I'll probably just go with the new one and bury the old one in a jar in the desert to screw with future Pastafarians (standard procedure). Unless you want me to put in both. It's your call. And no, I don't do deadlines.
Check out an official Pastafarian holy book, the Loose Canon: http://loose-canon.fsm-consortium.com/the-loose-canon/
"With Him, All Things are Pasta-Bowl."
-ProvHerbs 3:35
"With Him, All Things are Pasta-Bowl."
-ProvHerbs 3:35
-
Platypus Enthusiast - Tortellini Third Mate
- Posts: 349
- Joined: Wed Nov 07, 2007 12:21 am
- Location: New Jersey: The Spaghetti State
Re: the book of Fearsome Pirate Pete
by Qwertyuiopasd on Thu Jun 25, 2009 6:16 pm
update: starting to re-write most of it from scratch. Should follow a similar storyline, until the random asshattery with the panama canal, Mexicans, and Australia. 
daftbeaker wrote:But if I stop bugging you I'll have to go back to arguing with Qwerty about whether beauty is truth and precisely what we both mean by 'purple'
Every dead body that is not exterminated becomes one them, it gets up and kills. The people it kill get up and kill!
-
Qwertyuiopasd - Admirable Admiral Qwerty
- Posts: 14218
- Joined: Wed Sep 14, 2005 5:38 pm
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