and now.... the moment you've probably all forgotten about....
'bout damn time.
anyway, here she goes:
The chapters known as last, or in some languages, X
Peteâ€™s ship caught up to his ship on the starboard side, and Cerberus on the port side. Now, Pete couldâ€™ve sworn to his back hair that he saw a crew of men wearing tight black robes, but now the ship seemed deserted, and it slowly floated along. Pete signaled to Cerberus to board the ship carefully. Cerberus checked the lower decks, while Pete searched the cabin with Ushnor.
Suddenly, as if they appeared from the air, five of the tightly robed ninjas surrounded Pete and Ushnor. â€œYargh! Ye be tha ones who be stealinâ€™ me ship! Ahâ€™ll Keel-Haul all oâ€™ ye!!!!!â€ Pete unsheathed his sword and unleashed his anger. In a mad berserkering whirlwind Pete cut down four of the men, then grabbed the last ones head. â€œTell me who sent ye anâ€™ ahâ€™ll end ye sufferinâ€™!â€ Pete demanded. â€œWe areâ€¦ the ninjas of Dukai-San. You are to die.â€ He said. Pete crushed his head in his hand.
Pete ran out to the deck and yelled to his crew â€œThar be Ninjars aboard! Get â€˜t thar top anâ€™ defend yâ€™selves! Ahâ€™ll be below.â€ Pete went into the lower sections of the ship, and Ushnor followed. They thoroughly searched every nook and cranny, but found no ninjas or signs of ninjas, even looking behind themselves periodically to be careful. â€œAh hates thar cowardly vermin like ninjars. Arlways hidinâ€™ â€˜n sneakinâ€™ â€˜n stabbinâ€™ oh so quietlyâ€¦.â€ Pete muttered. He and Ushnor decided that all the decks were clear, so they headed to the top again. on the Deck, they found Ushnor, Smid, Raul, #1, #2, Parchessi, Paul, Cerberus, and his crew huddled together, on guard for a ninja attack.
â€œAny sign oâ€™ them?â€ Cerberus asked. â€œnar, not yetâ€¦â€ Pete responded. Without warning, a wave of ninjas exploded from the outsides of the ship and descended upon the crew. â€œKILL â€˜EM AAARRRRLLLL!!!!!!â€ Pete screamed, then joined in the fray. He hacked down ninjas left and right, or so he thought, as the ninjas were very quick and tricky. Pete hacked and slashed his way into the center of the battler, where Cerberus and Smid fought back to back. â€œDâ€™ye have everytharng undar contral?â€ Pete asked, as he backed in with them, fighting and stabbing the ninjas. â€œFine much, Captain, but dese ninjas use fightin' styles so's different fum ours, its hard t'defend. dey're freakin' quick too. 'S coo', bro.â€ Smid replied. â€œGerdâ€ Pete said. Pete was about to move over to Hector, who was having some problems, when all of the ninjas leaped up and formed a circle around Smid, Cerberus, Parchessi, Raul, #2, #1, Paul, and Pete. â€œWhart yâ€™ think they be up to, brother?â€ Paul asked. Before Peteâ€™s response, a new ninja stepped out of the cabin. He wore a red bandana around his head. â€œYou are the captain Pete, correct?â€ he asked. â€œAye, thart be me.â€ Pete responded. â€œI am Shotoku, master of ninjutsu, and your doom.â€ Shotoku responded. â€œOh, arh really be dourting thart.â€ Pete said. â€œThen combat me.â€ Shotoku challenged.
Pete stepped forth and readied his blade. Shotoku took a very different stance, and slowly stepped toward Pete, keeping his stance. Pete came forward slowly as well, watching Shotoku carefully, and then Shotoku spun around and slashed at Pete. Pete blocked, then sidestepped and attempted a stab, but that was knocked aside. Shotoku jumped up, and then came down with his sword parallel to the ground. Pete side-stepped, but still blocked the sword. Shotoku back-flipped, spun in the air again, and landed in a perfect stance. â€œBloody show-arfâ€ Pete spat. In a quick and spinning convolution of his black robes, Shotoku came closer to Pete, and seemed to have multiple swords. Pete stuck his in, and it knocked Shotoku over, who immediately got up, but was very angry. He hacked and slashed, losing some of his control. Pete blocked mostly, but attempted a few slashes and stabs, all failing. They continued this dance, first with Pete backing up, but then Pete would back Shotoku in the other direction. Then Shotoku began using more complex ninja moves, and Pete had to be more on guard. The sun began to set behind them, and Pete started to sweat. He held his ground until the last rays of light escaped over the horizon, for that is when the Ninja used his most clever trick. He jumped backwards, and threw a small black ball onto the ground, which exploded upon contact. There was a slightly blinding flash of light and copious amounts of smoke. Pete tried to get through the smoke to see his opponent, but in the midst of it all, something happened. Ushnor, nor any of the other onlookers could tell what had happened. But after it did happen, there was no more movement. The smoke dissipated quickly, and it was revealed that Pete had been stabbed very low in his torso. This sent Ushnor into a blinding rage, and he ran at Shotoku, pulling his war hammer behind his head, ready to crush Shotoku. This action surprised Shotoku, and that cost him dearly. Ushnors hammer made contact with the base of Shotokuâ€™s spine, and he fell to the ground, paralyzed. â€œDukai-San willâ€¦â€ but before Shotoku could finish, Ushnor crushed his legs with his hammer, and then he crushed Shotokuâ€™s head. He continued crushing different parts of his body until all that was left was a bloody pulp of flesh and bone.
Ushnor breathed heavily, and his Hammar fell from his grip, too weak to continue holding it. The on-looking ninjas stood for a moment, then all left without any provocation. â€œtodo la ninjas leftâ€¦ why?â€ Raul asked. â€œWellâ€¦ Shotoku, their leader, was surprised when Ushnor acted after Pete, his leaders, death. When Shotoku was defeated, they all left.â€ #1 explained â€œTherefore we can conclude that it is customary from their lands to yield, admit defeat, leave, what have you, when their leader is destroyed.â€ #2 finished. â€œYeah, dat makes senseâ€ Smid said. â€œMeâ€¦ me brotharâ€¦. â€˜e be deadâ€¦.â€ Paul sat down slowly. â€œI couldnâ€™t steal from a dead man, especially one with family.â€ Cerberus said. â€œIâ€™ll leave you with his ship. I also offer you my ship and my crewsâ€™ services.â€ He finished. â€œIâ€™ll take that offer. This â€˜Dukai-Sanâ€™ person will pay. Tell me, where do Ninjas come from?â€ Ushnor asked. â€œwheeel, wheen ay neenja man, und ee neenja womahn luuf eeech eeuuther veeraaa mouchâ€¦â€ Parchessi started. â€œParchessi, donâ€™t.â€ Cerberus silenced him â€œNinjas hail from the east, or rather, north as far as weâ€™re concerned right now. Theyâ€™re most likely from Japan. We can find more information in Tokyo, most likely.â€ â€œThen to Japan we sail. Weâ€™ll return to Sydney first and deal with Mr. Skeins. Paulâ€¦ traditionally Iâ€™d be the captain, but if youâ€™d like to captain, Iâ€™d gladly stay my post as 1st mate.â€ Ushnor offered. â€œNarâ€¦ narâ€¦. I be much happier â€˜t be cookinâ€™ grub fer tha crewâ€¦. Lertâ€™s set sail.â€ Paul responded.
And so Ushnor became captain, Smid became first mate, and Raul became second mate. Paul became the cook, and #1 and #2 became crew members. Some of Cerberusâ€™ crew came to Ushnors Ship, but some stayed on Cerberusâ€™ ship. Cerberus of course captained his ship, with Parchessi as his first mate.
Thus ended the life of Fearsome Pirate Pete. Pete ascended to Heaven, where he was met by the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
â€œYou have done well, my pirate. You have shown strength in the face of adversity, and much perseverance. I award you with the finest Grog and best stripping wenches in the cosmos. Is there anything you wish for?â€ the great noodly one did ask.
â€œAh spent me life on tha seasâ€¦ now I see heaven has no Carribean, or Pacific ocean, or any oceanâ€¦ not to take this personally, yer pastilyness, but I find it rather atrocious. If I could have one wish here, it would be that there is a great, endless Caribbean with islands ripe for the pillaging, and others with beautiful scenery and nifty hiding places. That no matter how far ye travel, there always be somethinâ€™ ye can explore or pillage, and that there never be an end to tha advernture.â€ Pete said.
â€œso be it. Let it be known from this day forward, there shall be an Endless Caribbean, and any who wish may join or create a Pirate crew to pillage and explore the vastness of heavens Caribbean.â€ The Flying Spaghetti Monster declared. â€œoh, and one more thingâ€¦â€
Pete looked behind the Flying Spaghetti Monster, and saw a penguin, waddling towards him. â€œBob? Thart be you?â€ Pete asked. â€œI do seem to be. How goes it, old friend?â€ Bob asked. â€œWell, Iâ€™ve kind of died, yâ€™seeâ€¦ but I have a feelinâ€™ heaven will be a good retirement. May I askâ€¦ how did you die?â€ Pete said. â€œdied? ha ha, noâ€¦ I am not a mortal, Pete, but an agent of His Noodliness. One of the many Noodly Appendages on earth, one might say. I was sent to find and walk with you that time in the Norse lands.â€ Bob explained. Pete and Bob did continue to talk, and they walked towards the Great Beer Volcano. The loyalty, determination, and badass pirateyness of Fearsome Pirate Pete did make the FSM glad.
chapter X, AND an epilogue. am I over-acheiveing or what?
time to go through, edite verything, number it, bla bla bla....
but all the rough draft is now here. yay for archiving.
remember, my avatar is FPP, in 8bits.
Every dead body that is not exterminated becomes one them, it gets up and kills. The people it kill get up and kill!
But if I stop bugging you I'll have to go back to arguing with Qwerty about whether beauty is truth and precisely what we both mean by 'purple'