The Gospel According to Everybody

Submit your scriptural writings for inclusion in the Loose Canon, and your tales of ancient FSM Lore, as well as any other FSM-related writing you may have.

Moderator: All Things Mods

The Gospel According to Everybody

Postby Platypus Enthusiast on Sun Feb 22, 2009 8:00 pm

Instead of relying on one person to receive a buttload of divine inspiration and write a whole holy text by him/herself, I think we could rely on the little bit of divine inspiration each Pastafarian receives when touched by His noodly appendage. So let's all write a gospel, one verse at a time. I'll start...


Chapter 1 Introduction

1 It was a dark and stormy night.
Check out an official Pastafarian holy book, the Loose Canon: http://loose-canon.fsm-consortium.com/the-loose-canon/

"With Him, All Things are Pasta-Bowl."
-ProvHerbs 3:35
User avatar
Platypus Enthusiast
Tortellini Third Mate
 
Posts: 350
Joined: Wed Nov 07, 2007 12:21 am
Location: New Jersey: The Spaghetti State

Re: The Gospel According to Everybody

Postby PantyGnawer on Sun Feb 22, 2009 8:30 pm

2 The sweet smell of garlic wafted through the crisp air.
User avatar
PantyGnawer
Spam Bob Grill Pants
 
Posts: 4481
Joined: Sat Mar 10, 2007 9:17 pm
Location: Ask yer Mom.

Re: The Gospel According to Everybody

Postby Tigger_the_Wing on Fri Feb 27, 2009 12:02 am

3. The parmesan was sitting on the cheese board awaiting the holey grater.
User avatar
Tigger_the_Wing
She Who Gets It
 
Posts: 4388
Joined: Wed Dec 17, 2008 7:44 pm
Location: Pyrate of the Canberrean

Re: The Gospel According to Everybody

Postby DaveL on Sat Feb 28, 2009 6:21 pm

4. And the scent of basil leaves wafted through the Midget kitchen
Manatee Singles

www.hotdugong.com
User avatar
DaveL
Site Admin
 
Posts: 4911
Joined: Fri Aug 26, 2005 8:57 pm
Location: Van Diemens Land

Re: The Gospel According to Everybody

Postby Ubi Dubium on Sat Feb 28, 2009 7:16 pm

5. As the Flying Spaghetti Monster (pesto be upon him) hovered over all, reaching out His Noodly Appendage
Open your mind, but not so far your brain falls out

"Hurry up, before we all come to our senses!" - King Julien
User avatar
Ubi Dubium
Mystic of Meatball
 
Posts: 2563
Joined: Mon Aug 11, 2008 2:10 pm
Location: This is my brain, and I live in it.

Re: The Gospel According to Everybody

Postby Platypus Enthusiast on Mon Mar 02, 2009 4:02 pm

6 And He caressed the blessed ingredients with His noodly appendage, anticipating the delicious results of their mixing.
Check out an official Pastafarian holy book, the Loose Canon: http://loose-canon.fsm-consortium.com/the-loose-canon/

"With Him, All Things are Pasta-Bowl."
-ProvHerbs 3:35
User avatar
Platypus Enthusiast
Tortellini Third Mate
 
Posts: 350
Joined: Wed Nov 07, 2007 12:21 am
Location: New Jersey: The Spaghetti State

Re: The Gospel According to Everybody

Postby Buccaneer Banzai on Thu Apr 02, 2009 1:52 pm

7. And he beheld the dinner that was prepared from the holy ingredients, and it was good. RAmen.
:fsm:
User avatar
Buccaneer Banzai
Conchigliette Convert
 
Posts: 8
Joined: Thu Apr 02, 2009 1:00 pm
Location: Connecticut

Re: The Gospel According to Everybody

Postby Pirate Johnson on Thu May 07, 2009 2:27 pm

8. This was to be the first covenant betwean Pirate and Lord, :fsm_yarr: Speaking out of the Heaven's spoke a gruff and powerful voice saying to its loyal deciples, "Ye have presented me with this bountyful meal and thus earned you're place in the endless seas among ye breathern"

9. And the sailers did so fer many yeargh.


2: Loo's gulibility

1. It was a many great years later that one of such these sailers found himself in a forest filled with many vines resembling His Noodleyness that had spoke to him in his youthful day.

2. As he continued his journey through this vegetated land he witnessed many creatures he had not yet been told of, covered in hair as of a man who were unshaven for much time.

3. Loo soon began to fear that he was not to make his journey into the land of Swiss, where he was to complete a mission to educate the cheesesmiths that dweled within.

4. Behold stretched a long and hairless creature before Loo. It moved much as did his Lord and presented no hostility toward the venturing deciple.

5. It spoke with a ssslure saying, "Go into Ssswiss and ssstrike dowwn ttthe ones who will not believe asss you do. I am ttthe messssssenger of Spaghediety, do asss he wissshesss!"6. Loo feared this slithernig beast with great trembaling. Not wanting to anger his master, Loo weilded a cutlass as he entered the city of Swiss, reluctant to do as he had been comanded.

7. It was at this time that Loo felt a great sleep come over him, the true Lord apeared in a dream.
In brightest day
In darkest night
No ninjas shall escape my sight
Let those who warrrship evil Unicorn's might
beware my power
Green Cannon's fire


About the colors I post in see: http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/rgb

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gCMzjJjuxQI&playnext=10&playnext_from=QL

YES. I AM PirateJohnson on Ebay.

R.I.P.George Carlin (my hero)
User avatar
Pirate Johnson
Agnolini Admiral
 
Posts: 838
Joined: Tue Oct 14, 2008 2:58 am

Re: The Gospel According to Everybody

Postby Platypus Enthusiast on Fri Jan 15, 2010 1:02 am

This is a checkpoint for the compilation purposes of the Second Council of Olive Garden. Please ignore and go about your business.
Check out an official Pastafarian holy book, the Loose Canon: http://loose-canon.fsm-consortium.com/the-loose-canon/

"With Him, All Things are Pasta-Bowl."
-ProvHerbs 3:35
User avatar
Platypus Enthusiast
Tortellini Third Mate
 
Posts: 350
Joined: Wed Nov 07, 2007 12:21 am
Location: New Jersey: The Spaghetti State

Re: The Gospel According to Everybody

Postby tehrabbit on Sun May 02, 2010 5:07 am

8. And His Flying Monsterness said, "Let there be midgets." Then there were midgets. And He giggled a little.
User avatar
tehrabbit
Ziti Zealot
 
Posts: 11
Joined: Sun May 02, 2010 2:35 am
Location: Seattle, Wa USA

Re: The Gospel According to Everybody

Postby Cardinal Fang on Sun May 02, 2010 11:53 am

9. Then He had a beer, and another, and in His inebriation, he saw that all was good.

CF
User avatar
Cardinal Fang
Vermicelli Vizier
 
Posts: 1124
Joined: Sat Apr 07, 2007 7:46 pm
Location: A dungeon on Viltvodle VI

Re: The Gospel According to Everybody

Postby Pirate Johnson on Mon Jun 21, 2010 3:09 pm

:fsm_yarr:
User avatar
Pirate Johnson
Agnolini Admiral
 
Posts: 838
Joined: Tue Oct 14, 2008 2:58 am

Re: The Gospel According to Everybody

Postby Kiri-Ame on Tue Jun 22, 2010 7:25 am

I'm new here, but I wanna try writing some gospel... :bounce: here goes... oh, and if it's crappy, ignore me.

And the midgets roamed free and happy in all the lands, and they ate of the holy pasta, and drank of the holy beer, and it came to pass that they were drunk and fat. And heart and liver disease did afflict them, as well as chlamydia but we won't go into that. And they cried out that the FSM had forsaken them, and beat their chicken breasts and made offerings of pesto to appease the FSM.
And it came to pass that the FSM came back from his night on the town, and he saw that the midgets were afflicted. But His Noodliness was hungover, and the high-pitched cries of the midgets irritated him somewhat. Thus, he touched the loudest, fattest and drunkest midgets with his noodly appendage, and called to them in a rather saucy tone:
"Rise up and be real men! No longer wander upon the land! No longer be fat - get some exercise! However, drunkenness is fine, the more the merrier."
And so the midgets' fat was converted into height, and their voices became rough and pleasing to the FSM. And he gave them cutlasses so that they might better cut up ingredients for pasta, and ships so that they might get a whiff of a decent sea breeze because he was sure he'd heard somewhere that this did wonders for the constitution.
But the FSM's work was flawed, and some of his ex-midgets lacked eyes, or legs - nay! some lacked both an eye and a leg!
But lo and behold, there was a good stock of peg legs and eye patches. So that wasn't a big problem.

And the FSM looked upon these ex-midgets, and they were lost - for now they were no longer midgets, nor plants, nor any other known living organism.
"Oh, FSM!" they cried. "What the hell have you done? We're even weirder than we were before!"
And the FSM cried, "Nay! I know what I'm doing! You are pirates! Yep, that was my intention all along. I didn't screw up this process at all." And then his Noodliness floated off, whistling rather guiltily.
And thus, there were pirates.
RAmen
Kiri-Ame
Conchigliette Convert
 
Posts: 2
Joined: Sat Jun 12, 2010 3:18 am

Re: The Gospel According to Everybody

Postby Platypus Enthusiast on Tue Jun 22, 2010 11:20 pm

Hey Kiri, not bad. Definitely got potential, maybe stretch it out a bit?
User avatar
Platypus Enthusiast
Tortellini Third Mate
 
Posts: 350
Joined: Wed Nov 07, 2007 12:21 am
Location: New Jersey: The Spaghetti State

Re: The Gospel According to Everybody

Postby DaveL on Wed Jun 23, 2010 12:12 am

Yay midgets. We love 'em!
User avatar
DaveL
Site Admin
 
Posts: 4911
Joined: Fri Aug 26, 2005 8:57 pm
Location: Van Diemens Land

Next

Return to Scripture and Lore

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest

cron