Okay, here it is, but there still remains one page to type and probably another to write to finish the story.
First continuation of the Story of the FSM and the Eastern Pirates
Remark concerning the pronoun 'He' in connection with the FSM
It is known that the FSM is neither male or female, but to refer to the Supreme Noodle as 'it' would be highly disrespectful and inappropriate. Therefore it is handled as with Pratchett-Dwarfes using the male pronoun neutrally for both sexes.
From here on the text has obviously been partially reworked yb a second hand. The original author (known as the "Pious Pirate" or Tupi) knew, how to spin a good yarn. The second one (known as the "Pedantic Pastrian Priest" or Thrippy) nearly spoiled it with his "literary ambition". Therefore, ye mates, don't ever allow a landlubber to edit your tales or you'll end with bowdlerized knife-related-head-removers speaking Queen's English, not the NY district that is, boring their foes to death; and with that I don't mean application of a drill or putting them into a cannon. That's just what you should do with those wannabee editors!
the wannabee editor wishes to apologize for the above rant of this sea-related redistributor of wealth and humbly begs your forgiveness for... What are you doing with that naval-related cutting tool, you linguistically challenged out-of-wedlock being? Ouch, that hurts!
As I said, ye mates, no quarter for this this PC scum. Btw, what does out-of-wedlock mean?
So here is the second part of the tale... and cut that priest's rum ration!
1 And the cook formed tasty meatballs, grated the cheese and did all the things right and proper for the divine meal in His honour.
2 And He looked at everything the cook had done and behold, everything was very good.
3 But the cook said, "It is not good for the food to be alone! Let us prepare proper drinks as companion, for a pirate's throat shall never go dry; and hoarse only when it adds to the atmosphere."
4 But in vain he searched the hold.
5 There was only stale water and not much of it either
5a Neither were there many other words but 'but' and 'and' to start a sentence.
6 And the Anti-Past, who had silently crept into the ship behind His back, whispered into the cook's ear.
7 "What use is the divine food without beer or schnaps? Throw it away and serve them hardtack and stale water as befits humble seafarers!"
8 But the cook didn't listen to the temptation by the Anti-Past.
9 Being old and half-deaf has its advantages, you see!
10 He tried his best to improve the meagre drink by putting some spices into it, that's all he could do.
11 The FSM, who noticed the treacherous advances of the Anti-Past, became angry at the Foul Lord of the Diets and with a single touch of His Noodly Appendage sent him to the landlocked red states there to fight unhealthy obesity.
12 Beware, oh ye people, of the Anti-Past.
13 His balls are ersatz soy-meat and don't even ask what his appendages are made of
We have to interrupt here for a moment. There is as yet not a common opinion, whether the Anti-Past exists or what his functions are in His plan in case of existence.
Should the Wise Council of the Olive Garden decide against the "Meagre Adversary" and "Lord of the Undernourished" , the apocryphal passage above (6-13) is to be removed, erased and thrown onto the pile of heresy!
14 With rich food but poor drink ready the cook sounded the bell and the crew arrived.
15 They took the food from him and divided it under themselves, so that the scripture should be fulfilled:
16 "The Pasta they have taken from me and divided it under themselves and filled their stomachs.
Ye see, ye mates! Is that the proper way to spin the yarn? But somewhere here they let the Thrippy walk the plank and the Tupi proceed without further interruption.
17 Then some of the crew complained about the lack of proper drink but the captain stooped them and shouted, so that even the cook understood him.
18 "Silence, ye rotten ungrateful bastards!
19 It's you, who have exhausted everything that's worth to be called proper drink.
20 He did, what he could with stale water and spices.
21 He brought us food as we have never tasted anything alike and you have left not a crumb of it and even taken care not to spoil the least amount.
22 I see it in your eyes that you would not stop for hours eating, if anything were left.
23 Be grateful to the cook and to Him, who gave him the inspiration, for clearly it is divine!
Onward noodly pirates!