Parmageddon?

[BB]

The well know correlation between the dwindling number of Pirates and global temperature may have much greater implications than we realise.

With the ongoing warming the icecaps are melting, depositing vast amounts of fresh water into the worlds oceans. Sooner rather than later we will have a vast body of slowly warming, lightly salted water - the perfect conditions for the 'second cooking'; the physical manifestation of His Noodliness.

I'm astounded that Al Gore missed this vital issue in his recent documovie.

[Captain_Headwound]

Well, won't that mean that all religious Pastafarians will go up to the Firmament, and reside for all eternity in a drunken stupor with the Great Noodly One? But, then again, most of my family is Jewish, save for me, so, will they go to hell? I don't want that. Could we maybe bring friends and family up there with us?

[His Noodly Appendage]

Well, won't that mean that all religious Pastafarians will go up to the Firmament, and reside for all eternity in a drunken stupor with the Great Noodly One? But, then again, most of my family is Jewish, save for me, so, will they go to hell? I don't want that. Could we maybe bring friends and family up there with us?

They might go to hell, but you must remember that hell is not that bad. The difference there is that the beer is stale and the strippers have VD. Besides, the Noodly One is pretty tolerant. Just make sure to pray and wear lots of pirate regalia!

[Angel-Hair Archmage]

For hell and heaven i can go both ways, beer is beer, and im alredy in hell, it doesnt matter if i hav a STD

[RevDrDK]

Captain_Headwound wrote:Well, won't that mean that all religious Pastafarians will go up to the Firmament, and reside for all eternity in a drunken stupor with the Great Noodly One? But, then again, most of my family is Jewish, save for me, so, will they go to hell? I don't want that. Could we maybe bring friends and family up there with us?

If the LDS can crypto-baptize Jews (they got some of my dead relatives) surely the FSM can do them one better.

[Cardinal Fang]

Not all Pastafarians shall reach the Firmament when the second-cooking occurs. Indeed, only those that die in glorious combat can save their souls. Now, before the last Pirates disappear, is the time to fight the infidels and secure thy place in his Noodley bosom. To Arms, Brothers of Mine Faith, and let us rid the world of those who wished our great God destroyed! To save our souls and our faith! To save our music and our culture! And To secure ourselves free beer and clean Strippers!

Might I take the liberty of reminding you of the 1st and 2nd I'd Really Rather You Didn'ts. I've underlined the really, really relevant stuff. I quote:

1. I’d really rather you didn’t act like a sanctimonious holier-than-thou ass when describing my noodly goodness. IF SOME PEOPLE DON’T BELIEVE IN ME, THAT’S OKAY. Really, I’m not that vain. Besides, this isn’t about them so don’t change the subject.

2. I’D REALLY RATHER YOU DIDN’T USE MY EXISTENCE AS A MEANS TO OPPRESS, SUBJUGATE, PUNISH, EVISCERATE, AND/OR, YOU KNOW, BE MEAN TO OTHERS. I don’t require sacrifices, and purity is for drinking water, not people.

So no killing, being mean, teasing, fighting etc.

CF

[RevDrDK]

Well, won't that mean that all religious Pastafarians will go up to the Firmament, and reside for all eternity in a drunken stupor with the Great Noodly One? But, then again, most of my family is Jewish, save for me, so, will they go to hell? I don't want that. Could we maybe bring friends and family up there with us?

Nudles-It's simple & I don't know why it didn't think of it first. My beloved Bubby Gettle would have one answer-A nice big pan spaetzel. Capt. Headwound, it is your duty to make this Chanukah remembered forever for the bounty, variety and Noodelic Splendor of your spaetzel offerings. Get a-boiling lad!

[SandyHook]

They might go to hell, but you must remember that hell is not that bad. The difference there is that the beer is stale and the strippers have VD. Besides, the Noodly One is pretty tolerant. Just make sure to pray and wear lots of pirate regalia!

I've read the holy book and there is no mention of VD in hell's strippers. If memory serves they are merely a little older and have put on a couple of pounds.