Piratic Poetry

[black bart]

For at the Benbow Inn
They keeps a slate tab
An if ye don't settle im
They stab yer in the back

[pieces o'nine]

They stabbe yer wiv theyre cutlasses
They stabbe yer wiv theyre knyves.
Then bille ye fer the bleedin mess
Yer maykin' in theyre dyves.

[Dan (dat haole dude)]

They batter ye wit' cornmeal
They batter ye wit' egg
They put lice inside yer "jyint 'at"
and termites in yer leg

[Edd]

They be right dodgy at the Benbow Inn
Theyre hearts be black as theyre teeth
And strangers get ‘thee speshull grog’
which means it’s cheap and weak

[pieces o'nine]

Lads, don' drink thee "Speshul Grogge"
If it hasna got a heade.
I don' loike ter say wots hininit,
But those wot drank arrrgh deade.

[black bart]

Good news mateys the Benbow
Has installed a nice new urinal
So now when ye pee
Ye can shake it with glee
And not splash all over the vinyl

[Dan (dat haole dude)]

Arrgh!! ye kin widdle onna tile
ye kin whiz upon da seat
but if yez pee 'pon da vinyl
they'll nail yer danglies to a cleat!

[Edd]

Oh, yes, the Benbow's urinals
are certainly up-and-coming
Why, it's rumoured that one day soon
we may even have indoor plumbing!

[Dan (dat haole dude)]

heere's to da Addy Benbow, da best uv alla pubs
wit' rum t' slake yer thirst, and "Fish'ead Stoo" in tubs..

and pleeze be nice t' Saucy Gert (dat flirty servin' wench)
cuz if yer notte, she'll gette hotte (an' smack yez wit' a wrench!)

da guy o'er there? oh, it's DaveL (in pink he would be dressin')
& he likes t' get 'is jollies inna tub of Oil of Wesson..

[black bart]

Twere dark in the alley last noight
As I crept ome wiv a gut full o grog
It gave me a terrible froight
When I heard a scream in the fog

Cap'n Worley has spoke o the fiend
They call the terrible Werepoof
I felt a hand on me hind
An I nearly jumped on the roof

[Edd]

Black Bart is truly humorous
believing all overtures amorous
but, Bart, while your pocket may be picked
by those with enough gall
your ‘hind’ will remain safe
from were-poofs, one and all.

[ken worley]

Black Bart is truly humorous
believing all overtures amorous
but, Bart, while your pocket may be picked
by those with enough gall
your ‘hind’ will remain safe
from were-poofs, one and all.

Argh, for THAT, there be many a reason,
He still be bart, therefore not too eye-pleasin',
Plus, 'ee be's Welsh,
So Has speech like a belch, is
Poor mannered, 'n' absent 'o' reason...

If that weren't enuff o' disclaimers,
To keep his sad "hind" outta danger,
Three munfs also 'ees spent
(wifout offer o' rent)-
In Turtil-Holmes' anti-poof chamber.

As to why the girls also do shun,
ask 'im yerself,
My werk 'ere be done....




GRRRRR...

(Ursine for "yargh.)

[black bart]

There was a Scottish sailor (named Ken)
Who sailed the seven seas
He met a wench called Capellini
Who brought him to his knees

He showed the girl his clipper
He thought she'd be impressed
But she jumped clean out the porthole
When she saw Ken undressed.

[Dan (dat haole dude)]

On shore-leave in Portmeirion, Cymru..
Satiidy nyghte wif' nuffin' t' do..
Pulled a grrl from Gwynedd
Who tooke mee uppe t' 'er bedde
Fer ravishmente, cuddlin', an' snoo*


*"wot's snoo?" oi 'ears yez arsk...weeelll, notte muche rilly, ta fer arskin'...wot's snoo, wit' you?

[black bart]

Nantucket
Nantucket
Nantucket
We're on the way to Nantucket
The winds from the West
And it's blown orf me vest
Oh f*** *t!
Oh f*** *t!
Oh f*** *t!