I can top that....

[PantyGnawer]

Here's an interesting memory. I was on school camp a few years back. For some reason I looked into the drop dunny and found a diarrhoea-like green poo. I charged kids fifty cents to look at it. And people actually gave me money!

I can sell views of shit to people. That's how amazing I am.

What an asshole! Poo views should always be free!

[Dan (dat haole dude)]

I can


sell views of shit to people. That's how amazing I am.

a classic definition of a politician..you're only amazing if you're not yet indicted for some disgustoid machinations involving fuel oil, hookers, and a bilge pump..

I, on the other, saner, hand have spoken to Chuck Norris and lived to tell about it..

[Detective TurtleHolmes]

What an asshole! Poo views should always be free!

I assume that wasn't a pun?

I, on the other, saner, hand have spoken to Chuck Norris and lived to tell about it..

Ha! I've roundhouse kicked Chuck Norris in the face, punched him in the nuts and tickled under his armpits and lived to tell about it!

[black bart]

I am so amazing I am still holding this 'Roundhouse Kick' in mid air from the last time I demonstrated it for Chuck Norris's benefit:

[Dan (dat haole dude)]

AAIIEE!! thank FSM ye groo yer 'stache/goat back*..yon nekkid chin/right 'and gave mee croo knyghte-mares 'n' da colly-wobbles..(even Chuck Norris blinked....or appeared to)


*and reattached yer hooke..

[ken worley]

AAIIEE!! thank FSM ye groo yer 'stache/goat back*..yon nekkid chin/right 'and gave mee croo knyghte-mares 'n' da colly-wobbles..(even Chuck Norris blinked....or appeared to)


*and reattached yer hooke..

I suppose the boast is in the most pidgin accent ever typed by any living haole? I am impressed, but I am not sure if you saw bart's face "nekked", or.....let's stop at that.


I can, even dressed up in my foot-tall-bear suit, sitting on a toilet, still be so frickin' sexy to the ladies that I am being sued by charlie sheen because all the hookers and bimbos in LA have fled across the mojave to maul me, leaving LA pooseless.

[Dan (dat haole dude)]

..not only poosy-less, but also causing hundreds (thousands?) of Brazilian waxing salons to close..i hope you're satisfied, young man..that sound you hear is unemployed waxing technicians striding towards your house with wax pots/strips ready for revenge..

& nope, if i did the "most Pidgin accent ever typed by any living haole", i'd have to get out my Bislama/Tok Pisin dictionary/grammar & i've got a TRO still in effect limiting indiscriminate use of B/TP on the unsuspecting populace..

[GreenRain22]

I can kill people with my brain.

[Edd]

I can, by the power of thought alone, influence the past so that the parents of my enemies never have children.

[Wawizzle]

I don't even have to think or perform an action towards anything, yet I still get women to throw themselves at me and give me their bank account #'s and passwords.

[GreenRain22]

I can be SLEEPING and in the middle of the night people will give me all their money, belongings, and credit cards.

[Detective TurtleHolmes]

Hah. GreenRain, at any time I wished, I could send you into hyperorgasm just by looking in your general direction. You live in Russia, right?
*Looks at Brazil*

[GreenRain22]

... America. :P

I can make anyone insanely in love with me by just thinking the first letter of their name.

[Wawizzle]

I caused the big bang.

[black bart]

My brain is so big, your big bang just echoed inside it.