Piratic Poetry

[IreTea]

'ere's a short one for ye'.


Ye've smelly breath and rotten teeths,
I think it's Fish Heads that ye eats.

[pieces o'nine]

That were roight clever, IreTea.
Be ye a jingull wryter fer Bart Hindustrees?

[black bart]

Arrrgh...I aint never met her afore mateys...honest.

[Auntie Blackbeard]

I once knew a Pirate
Who wore a big hat
The biggest hat I've ever seen
He jumped on a horse
He jourey ed Norf
To London to see the Queen

The Queen said, 'I say
Did you come from Mount Gay?'
I've heard they have biggins up there
The Pirate said maam
Please remain calm
It's made from the skin of a bear

The Queen said delightful
Tis something quite frightful
My soldiers have all lost their toppers
The Pirate said, 'smashing
I've a boat load just stashing
Ye can have them for four thousand coppers.'

[black bart]

water water everywhere
and nary a drop to drink
water water everywhere
Cronan's sunk me b******d ship!

[Detective TurtleHolmes]

Rum rum e'erywear,
Many a drop ta drink.
But iffen oi drink too much tonight,
The missus'll beat me ta bits!

[black bart]

Rum rum e'erywear,
Many a drop ta drink.
But iffen oi drink too much tonight,
The missus'll beat me ta bits!

Arrrgh ye be learnin quickly an at a young age matey...it aint so much the beatin as the 'look' they gives ye though.

[Detective TurtleHolmes]

Argh, but ye's 'eard o' browbeatin', roight? GArr, oi've got that from me mam, an' that be froightful on short 'aired wimmin.

Me toe be green an' gooey,
Me eye be bloodshot an' catarac't.
Oi onlee wish me arm was back,
Soes oi could complane about that.

[black bart]

In days of old when nights were cold
There were no such things as i pods
Ye wrote yer appointments big an bold
In a nice big leather bound log

An if a meetin ye needed ta keep
No laptop but a parrot instead
For on the hour should ye fall asleep
He'd peck ye in the head

[Detective TurtleHolmes]

Did anyone see,
Did anyone know,
Cronan was back in town.

Did anyone see,
Did anyone know,
Cronan was stealing your gold.

They say Madame Fifi saw,
They say Madame Fifi knows.
They say a lot of Madame Fifi,
They say she made Cronan
Wash between his toes.

They say Cronan was furious,
They say Cronan was mad.
They say Cronan threw a tanty,
But Fifi gave him no sweets.

They say Cronan is back,
They say Cronan is hiding.
They say Cronan has handprints,
All over his peach-fuzzed bum.

[black bart]

I had a lucky eye patch
I wore it on me head
I sailed to treasure island
Where I found a loaf o bread

The loaf o bread was mouldy
So I sold it to a frog
He made it into canapes
And served em wiv the grog

(Next verse anybody?)

[Edd]

I had a lucky eye patch
I wore it on me head
I sailed to treasure island
Where I found a loaf o bread

The loaf o bread was mouldy
So I sold it to a frog
He made it into canapes
And served em wiv the grog

(Next verse anybody?)

He served em to the Captain
He served em to the Mate
He served em in the crow’s nest
Where they was eaten, early and late

The grog he watered heavily
Which is where he first went wrong
For pirates will eat anything
If the grog is nice and strong

[Dan (dat haole dude)]

so they beat the frog for waterin' the grog..
they beat 'im wit' their sabres
(& then they called some friends in & he was beaten by the neighbours)
th' beatin' it was awesome
th' pain it was quite wrenchin'
th' frog swelled oop wit' gas an' poo
so tightly was 'e clenchin'..

(next..)

[Detective TurtleHolmes]

That he finally popped,
Sending blood and poo all o'er.
The Captain, he said "FU**!"
and asked the waiter for the duck.

(Next!)

[Edd]

The waiter, he grew stern,
and said, ‘Okay, I will,
but promise only not to say,
“And put it on my bill!”’

(neeeext)