I can top that....

[Rainswept]

My penis once reached the moon. (It was the first time I watched Bound)

[Wawizzle]

My penis is what dark matter is made out of.

[farfalla]

I can see all your penises and I know which one of you is closest to telling the truth -

[Apostateabe]

One time, I was sitting in my living room, and it was a little too hot. I could not be bothered with all the effort required to turn down the thermostat. So I commanded a pack of my very well-trained dogs to carry me outside on their backs. Outside, it was a little too cold. So, with even more manly brusque in my voice than usual, I commanded the Sun to crank up the temperature a little. And that is how we got global warming.

[PinkyPasta]

I am so sexy that any man looking at me instantantly gets the biggest, hardest boner of his life. The C.I.A. makes me wear a disguise in the interest of national security because I have a 'disruptive influence ' on male policy makers.

[Detective TurtleHolmes]

I'm so handsome I have to be stored fifty kilometres underground, because being within fifty kilometres of any female sends them into immediate orgasm.

[black bart]

I am so gorgeous and virile that Angelina Joli rings me constantly offering oral sex. I keep telling her about the effect I had on the dinosaurs but it just seems to encourage her.

[Apostateabe]

That's nothing. Brad Pitt keeps calling me for the same reason. There was a disagreement between Angelina and Brad about who gets to harass who, so they drew straws. Angelina got the losing straw.

[Pirate Johnson]

I can wear a yellow shirt and still contain my BMs with my tight @ssh0l3 while on a tredmill hanging upside down above flaming acid spitting kittens who hate the color yellow

[Pirate Johnson]

Wow. I know I'm supose to tell my own amazing abalities, but here's to you: 1 handed typing.

[Detective TurtleHolmes]

My Spore character, Trogdor, can overwhelm your puny big-eyed orange fool with a single swipe of his BIG BURLY ARM!


That's right. Trogdor the Burninator.

[PantyGnawer]

My amazing powers of preconception allowed me to realize that spore would suck horribly so I never even got involved.

[Detective TurtleHolmes]

Your amazing powers are flawed, as Spore kicks ass.
My incredible powers of preconception told me that Spore would rock. I top yours easily.

Oh, and I'm the big bad guy behind Fringe.

[Rainswept]

I can see all your penises and I know which one of you is closest to telling the truth -

Of course you can see mnine, it's that big!

Besides... I wanted you too...

[black bart]

I'm SO sorry about the Dinosaurs Farfalla...and the massive crater in the Gulf of Mexico...I'll try and make up for all the destruction by plugging the hole in the Ozone Layer with my dick.