New Portsmouth Public Pirate School Curiculum

[black bart]

This is not a comprehensive list of the courses on offer, please call in at the Admiral Benbow to discuss your child's needs with a member of staff.

Principal and lecturer in Dugong Studies: Dave L

Languages: Professors Mad Willium Bonney and Dan (dat haole dude)

Death Threats and Kidnapping ARRRGHTEC Stage 1: The Black Spot

Graphic Art and Foundation Forgery Studies: Pieces of Nine

Criminology and Self Defence: Detective TurtleHolmes

The Art of Seduction ARRGHTEC Stage 1 and Tea Drinking for the Perplexed: Reverend Rowan Redbeard

Science, Quantum Mechanics and Dork Matter: Zankou

Creative Writing and Glue Strength Technology: Walktheplank

Sailing for beginners...Sinking for beginners: Cap'n Cronan

Food Technology: Black Bart

[Edd]

Other courses and lectures include

Economics (I) – Capitalism: Rainswept
Economics (II) – Capitalism: Rainswept
Economics (III) – Capitalism: Rainswept
Economics (IV) – Capitalism: Rainswept

Physical Education (Push-ups) and Intoxication: PantyGnawer

Moustache and Motorcycle Maintenance: Warlord of Elephants

Alternate Lifestyles – ‘Loving and Living with Crustaceans’: Wawizzle

[Dan (dat haole dude)]

mustn't forget:

Physical Education-Cardiovascular Fitness/Eye-Hand Coordination:Knuckles O' Shuffle

Physical Education-Crunchy/Thumpy Sports:Elvalia

Debate (including the use of the dreaded "Finger of Logic"):Capellini

[pieces o'nine]

Don't fergit thee hextra cur ickular hack tivities!

Pyrate Scouts Internashunal 'as a chapter at thee Portsmouth Public High School, under thee eegull oi ov Portsmouth Pyrate Crewe Master, Cap’n Baird Saggingsails.




Ovver helecktivs inclood:
Brewin 101, 201, 301, 401: Cap'n Bluenose
Still Mayntenants: Cap'n Bluenose
Rum Runnin: Cap'n Bluenose

[DaveL]

This is not a comprehensive list of the courses on offer, please call in at the Admiral Benbow to discuss your child's needs with a member of staff.

Principal and lecturer in Dugong Studies: Dave L

Dear Students and Teachers,

Welcome to Portsmouth Pirate Public School. If you have any queries or complaints, please contact me in writing (with 50 dubloon note enclosed).

Yours Sincerely,

Principal Bill 'Dirk in the Ribs' Cullinane

PS: Where are the bleedin strikethrough characters on this bleedin board?

[pieces o'nine]

Oi finks PG snuck in an took 'em wiv thee rum...

[Edd]

Yes, the faculty at The New Portsmouth Public Pirate School offers training beyond the strictly ‘legal’ variety, preparing its students to excel in any lifestyle they might choose. Why, many graduates are still at large!

BTW, Bart, Professor Zankou would like a word with you about your spelling of the word ‘curriculum’.

[Zankou 2.0]

Indeed, I would.


The word is "FAIL".

You are it, sir.

[pieces o'nine]

BTW, Bart, Professor Zankou would like a word with you about your spelling of the word ‘curriculum’.

Arrrgh, oi'm sorry t'hinform ye that yer misteakin thair, Edd.

Staff at thee Portsmouth Public Pyrate Skool no awl-two-well that hit be a "dogge-eate-dogge" werlde outsoide our scurvy-league walls. Hence, Cur-iculum.


~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Paye no attenshun t'thee perfesser of "Science an Dork Matter" behoind thee Cur-tin, hex-poundin on spellin. Hit baint unner 'is jurisdickshun.

[PantyGnawer]

First off, who do oi talk to abut the 5 gal Culligan rum cooler what being hempty in tha teachers lounge? Halso we be hout of dem paper cone cups.

Next, the scheduling for me Phys Ed class conflicts with whun Oi loiks tah tend to me weevil garden. Could Oi switch wit Wawiz and teach the ‘Loving and Living with Crustaceans’ class? He did more pushups than me and I have more crab experience.


Just a reminder: Our first PTA meeting (Pirate Teachers Association) will be held on the 15th. Pieces is in charge of snacks. (Please remember those with weevil allergies! We don't need another incident!)

[pieces o'nine]

Oi am *NOT* in charrrge ov thee snax, PG. That be unner Bart's dooteas. Pay attenshun.

As fer thee hunforchunat Weevil Allergy Hincident, Staff 'as no simpafee fer those wot cant gess wot thee hingreedy yents be in "Weevil Bicuits", fer thee love ov Cronan.

[PantyGnawer]

Just of note:

Pieces will be givin a short speakin at our first PTA meeting about theee hupcomin three day simposium on bilge cleanin for wut she as hagmanimously hoffered tah teech........ for free.

Classes hoffered whil be:

Balast rock scraping 2203(can be substituted for a humanities credit)
Bilge scum removal 1101(counts as 3 lab hours towards a Bio degree)
Bilge scum collection 1202 (offers brownie points to students hin any of black barts classes)

Huncohincidentally.... Tha cafeteria menu for tha day following the simposium has been changed from "Barts Maggot Fritters and Fish head stew" to "Barts bilge scum stew and surprise".

[DaveL]

Dear Mr PG,

I have heard rumours that you have recently stole of of our school rum suppplies. Could you please return the entire stash to my office at once.
Our security parrot has seen everything and keeps mentionin something about Panty's being gnawed.

Can you please bring 2 large tankards +rum stash + 2 of Mdme Fifi's finest 'catering staff' with you, as we must discuss 'school matters' immediately.

Yours totally uncorrupted.

Principal Bill Cullinane

[black bart]

Oi am *NOT* in charrrge ov thee snax, PG. That be unner Bart's dooteas. Pay attenshun.

As fer thee hunforchunat Weevil Allergy Hincident, Staff 'as no simpafee fer those wot cant gess wot thee hingreedy yents be in "Weevil Bicuits", fer thee love ov Cronan.

Allergy Hincident? I must point out dat there be no traces o nuts in Fish Head Stew...

...unless ye counts the hunfortunate hincident wiv Mad Will Bonney fallin in the VAT whilst tryin ta perform ACT IV Scene 3 of the Tempest.

[pieces o'nine]

Oi 'opes ye dint pay two much fer yer copy of The Tempest wiv hextra scenes in Act IV, Bart.


On thee ovver hook, if yer in thee market fer rare books an sech, oi 'ave a artograffed copy of Sir Oisick Newtown's Dork Matter fer Dummies witch oi moight be willin ter parrrt wiv...