Complete the Piratey Headline

[Detective TurtleHolmes]

Dugong goes beserk in townsquare with 18 pounder, killing hunting party. Witness Saucy Gert states "He Ruffled My Most Favourite Silk Dress! Damn His Hide!"

Dugong Meat On The Menu For Black Bart's New Meal, *********

[tanguerra]

Dugong Meat On The Menu For Black Bart's New Meal "McFishhead Stew"
Local hospitals put on by-pass

Big Ron seized ***

[Mad Willyum Bonney]

Big Ron seized With Remorse , Sends Flowers To Bereaved

Thee final consumer of Big Ron's Special Sausage was laid to rest this morn at Portsmouth Cemetery And Outfitters Ltd.

Big Ron claymes his meat was not to blame and there is no proof to thee wild conjectures .

" Besoides , Oi be thee wun saying ye should never use embalming fluid " , said Ron .


Thee Harbour Fouled *****

[Detective TurtleHolmes]

Thee Harbour Fouled In Game With Town
Mad Will's peg-leg reportedly smacked the referee in the mouth.

Talk Like A Pirate Day Approaching Soon, Portsmouth Residents Don't Care, Say "********"

[pieces o'nine]

Talk Like A Pirate Day Approaching Soon, Portsmouth Residents Don't Care, Say "Zounds!"



Pyrate Teame returns from China with ***** medals.

[Detective TurtleHolmes]

Pyrate Teame returns from China with All The medals.
It took them a while, but our brave little pirates managed to gallantly pillage all of the other team's belongings to gain the medals.

China Fires Missiles On Portsmouth Olympic Pirate Squad, Pirate Retaliate By *********

[DaveL]

China Fires Missiles On Portsmouth Olympic Pirate Squad, Pirate Retaliate By Sending in Big Ron

Bustling Brian gets caught with his hands on a big ****

[Detective TurtleHolmes]

Bustling Brian gets caught with his hands on a big Set of Melons
It was reportedly in the fruit section with a busty blonde nursemaid.

DaveL Sent Back To School For Training of a ******* Nature

[black bart]

DaveL Sent Back To School For Training of a Domestic Science Nature

Elvis Pegsley spotted on the ******

[Phlebas]

Elvis Pegsley spotted on the Poop Deck.

Mr Pegsley insisted he had nothing to do with it, and stated that there had been a large dog in the vicinity earlier in the day. The only eye witness, a Mr B Bart, went on record saying that he thought this scenario unlikely, as dogs are not generally known for their love of sweetcorn.

Local Crisis, Pieces O' Nine Caught With Hand In *******

[Detective TurtleHolmes]

Local Crisis, Pieces O' Nine Caught With Hand In The Biscuit Tin
She was flogged very hard by sixteen burly men in leather soon after.

Phlebas Caught In Bed With Transvestite Biker Named Trevor, Claims *******

[pieces o'nine]

Phlebas Caught In Bed With Transvestite Biker Named Trevor, Claims a Case of Mistaken Identity -- *His* Name is Phleas.




Pieces o' Nine Sues Portsmouth for ***** Over Flogging Incident, Claims Burly Court Officers Were Actually Wearing Pleather.

[black bart]

Pieces o' Nine Sues Portsmouth for 5 Cronans Over Flogging Incident, Claims Burly Court Officers Were Actually Wearing Pleather.

Burly Court Officers point finger at ********* for Pleather Outfit Outrage
But our beards are real honest gov protest officers

[Detective TurtleHolmes]

Burly Court Officers point finger at Zankou for Pleather Outfit Outrage

Zankou's Pleather Outfir Stored In Mayor Borat Johnson's *******

[pieces o'nine]

Zankou's Pleather Outfir Stored In Mayor Borat Johnson's Spell-Checking Closet


Detective Turtleholmes Consulted on "The Case of the Purloined Pleather", Concludes: "*****"