I (acording to some) am going to hell

[BenDover]

I used to be friends with this kid for a while and one day he asked what religion I have (this was just before I was touched by his noodly appendage) I replied "I don't have one I am atheist" he said "oh realy I am mormon" and I thought to myself "oh crap I am so friggin' screwed" as it turns out, I was correct in my prediction that I was screwed for he tried to convert me told me I was going to hell said that I hated him because of his religion (this however was not true) and kept bugging me about it and it eventualy led us to be no longer friends. right now I am trying to figure out wether I should go up to him and say that I had found god and say that he was wright in saying I would be happier with one only to elaborate that I worshiped a flying spaghetti monster please help

I know people like that. They think my beliefs are ridiculous even though they contradict their own beliefs all the time. "No one's perfect" they say, and then they say "Only the imperfect and unworthy go to hell". Gosh.

[GreenRain22]

Haha, join the club, we have bowls of pasta.

Anywho, my teacher, a closed minded Seventh Day Adventist, is against Harry Potter, His Dark Materials, all that jazz. If she finds out I'm a Pastafarian, I'll have my own little corner in hell for sure. Heck, I don't care really. ^^ Dont'cha know that more people are condemned, the more Pastafarians we get? Seriously!! Christians are '"persecuted" allll the time. They're one of the biggest religons on the world. Be happy when people tell ya you've got a spot in hell! People like the underdog. Or the underpasta. :P

[Wafflebob]

I have a few Mormon friends. I basically just told them that I wasn't interested at this time, but they would be the first to know if I ever felt the need. I'm still creeped out by seeing them switch from acting like a normal person to a missionary. They go from zero to creepy in .5 seconds.

[lari]

My mom got shocked when I told her I don't have a religion, and then when she found out I don't even believe in God she got kind of no-reacting, I was worried bout her...
At least when she realized I don't believe in any deity(it was before I found the Great Noodly One) she stopped asking me for having a religion(anyone I wanted, she just wanted me to be religious), because she believes just following "God" brings you the salvation.
Now I'm lost, but she respects, I didn't know she would react like this. She believes in spiritualism, the Kardec's one.

[Eliza]

ahha to many times this has happened to me.

to often religion is plagued by guilt, the belief that we are going to hell. ....well t least at will know someone down there if that's the case because it seems like no one goes to heaven cos we are all guilty of sin .....but then the contradiction is that God forgives everyone.....so therefore we would all go to heaven, so I get totally cofuddled and where would the best place to be, be, I mean has anyone recieved a postcard from one of these places!???

[HeathenPastafarian]

I used to be friends with this kid for a while and one day he asked what religion I have (this was just before I was touched by his noodly appendage) I replied "I don't have one I am atheist" he said "oh realy I am mormon" and I thought to myself "oh crap I am so friggin' screwed" as it turns out, I was correct in my prediction that I was screwed for he tried to convert me told me I was going to hell said that I hated him because of his religion (this however was not true) and kept bugging me about it and it eventualy led us to be no longer friends. right now I am trying to figure out wether I should go up to him and say that I had found god and say that he was wright in saying I would be happier with one only to elaborate that I worshiped a flying spaghetti monster please help

Don't feel too guilty about thinking "oh crap", you probably thought that because you knew you'd have to listen to his speil about conversion and how great the LDS church is. I think that all the time when I see Missionaries (I am a non-Mormon in Mormonritaville). It sounds like he was the one who was close minded by automatically assuming that YOU hated HIM because of HIS religion.

If you miss his friendship and he misses yours, then you should be able to be friends no matter what your religious differences are. I have a feeling that just because you found the FSM (great as he may be) isn't going to matter to your friend. It should matter what you have in common and if you have fun together etc. So if you want to be friends again, I would tell him you want to be friends despite your difference in religion. I mean would he stop being your friend if you were Jewish? And if so, is this someone you want as your friend?

[fueledbycoffee]

Did you know that mormons have been known to convert the dead.

Damn, now I have to booby trap my grave. How much do landmines cost again?

[HeathenPastafarian]

Did you know that mormons have been known to convert the dead.

Damn, now I have to booby trap my grave. How much do landmines cost again?

Wouldn't do any good. All they do is get a list of dead people and baptize them. It's called "Baptism For The Dead". They do it in the Temple and all good Mormons are supposed to do it once a month. So we'll all probably get it once we croak.

[fueledbycoffee]

Damn. I must needs figure out how to avoid this.

[Zankou 2.0]

Did you know that mormons have been known to convert the dead.

Damn, now I have to booby trap my grave. How much do landmines cost again?

Wouldn't do any good. All they do is get a list of dead people and baptize them. It's called "Baptism For The Dead". They do it in the Temple and all good Mormons are supposed to do it once a month. So we'll all probably get it once we croak.

You best be joking, dude.

There's no fucking way that is legal.

[fueledbycoffee]

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

In the practice of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, a living person, acting as proxy, is baptized by immersion on behalf of a deceased person of the same gender. The baptism ritual is as follows: after calling the living proxy by name, the person performing the baptism says, "Having been commissioned of Jesus Christ, I baptize you for and in behalf of [full name of deceased person], who is dead, in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost. Amen." The proxy is then immersed briefly in the water. Baptism for the dead is a distinctive ordinance of the church and is based on the belief that baptism is a required ordinance for entry into the Kingdom of God.

Community of Christ

Some members of the early Reorganized Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (now known as the Community of Christ) also believed in baptism for the dead,[1] but it was never officially sanctioned by that organization, and was considered highly controversial.[2]

A revelation and two letters written by Joseph Smith, Jr. appertaining to baptism for the dead were removed from the RLDS Doctrine and Covenants by a church general conference in 1970.

Other Latter Day Saint churches

In the Restoration Branches movement, which broke from the RLDS Church in the 1980s, the question of Baptism for the Dead is at best unsettled, reflecting their RLDS origin. Many adherents reject the validity of this ordinance completely.[3]

Other Latter Day Saint denominations that accept baptism for the dead include the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (Strangite) and The Church of Jesus Christ (Cutlerite). The Strangite Church performed baptisms for the dead during the 1840s in Voree, Wisconsin and later during the 1850s on Beaver Island, Michigan. In each case, the practice was authorized by revelation given by James J. Strang. The question of whether the Strangite Church still practices proxy baptism is an open one, but belief in it is considered orthodox.[4]

Cutlerite practice permits baptisms for the dead to be performed in baptismal fonts in Cutlerite meetinghouses (of which only two exist today, one in Clitherall, Minnesota and the other in Independence, Missouri). Though Cutlerites believe in the concept of temples, it is not required that baptisms for the dead be performed in one. The meetinghouse baptismal fonts are used for baptism of the living and for the dead. Cutlerites have practiced baptisms for the dead sporadically throughout their history (including during the early 1990s), but it is not known if they still do so. As with the LDS Church and the Strangite Church, belief in this doctrine is considered orthodox.

If that's correct, any of my descendants who do that to me are gettin' their asses haunted. I want my beer and strippers, not some boring-ass Mormon heaven.

[Zankou 2.0]

If that's correct, any of my descendants who do that to me are gettin' their asses haunted. I want my beer and strippers, not some boring-ass Mormon heaven.

In the off chance that I am incorrect in not believing in the afterlife, I will do the same.

[HeathenPastafarian]

If that's correct, any of my descendants who do that to me are gettin' their asses haunted. I want my beer and strippers, not some boring-ass Mormon heaven.

In the off chance that I am incorrect in not believing in the afterlife, I will do the same.

What!?!?!? You don't want to be a God and have as many wives as you want? I'm shocked.

A few years ago there was a big controversy because it was discovered that the Mormons were baptising (by proxy) people who had died in the holocaust and the Jewish community got all pissed off. I believe after a big religious freedom debate, "out of respect" the Mormons agreed to stop baptising those who died in the holocaust.

It doesn't have to be a decendant. Why do you think the Mormons are the ones who run ancestry.org or com or whatever. Death certificates are public records. They literally have lists and lists of dead people to baptize. That's why failthful Mormons go do "temple work" when they can....that's part of what they are doing. Their work is neverending, people are always dying and think of all the dead people that died before Joseph Smith even saw the golden plates! That's a lot people they are trying "save" and get into the "right" heaven.

[Mad Willyum Bonney]

Dem More Mens be rawdarr kinsidarrate doan ye fink ?

Day dun got me ass coverd , ets beddarr den thee RC church wot wantz ye ta pop in everary week an tittylate dem priests wid alla shit ye bin doan thee pass week .

Soze ye doan haffa do a damn fing to git inna heaven wid dat crowd eh?
Oi speshly loike thee idear of alla dem petty files swapping dere teenage girls wid wun anuddarr .
How duz Oi sign up fer a few score teenage virgins ?

[fueledbycoffee]

Dem More Mens be rawdarr kinsidarrate doan ye fink ?

Day dun got me ass coverd , ets beddarr den thee RC church wot wantz ye ta pop in everary week an tittylate dem priests wid alla shit ye bin doan thee pass week .

Soze ye doan haffa do a damn fing to git inna heaven wid dat crowd eh?
Oi speshly loike thee idear of alla dem petty files swapping dere teenage girls wid wun anuddarr .
How duz Oi sign up fer a few score teenage virgins ?

I wish I was unable to read that.

Besides, it says wives. While polyamory is okay, we bisexuals wanna have both hubbys and wives, you know? I doubt their God or Gods or whatever would be very open to that idea.

There is the plan. I'll have my death certificate have a letter on the back telling any would be soul-savers that I was a flaming fag and that they should pass me over for a good person.

Funny thing is, since most religions believe that you have to follow them and only them to get to heaven, if they're wrong, think how many souls they're damning!