Venganzine Pyrate Cookbook

[Auntie Blackbeard]

fish n chips auntie style

head over to the Admiral Benbow
haves a seat
waves ye hand about and yell ARGH a couple a times
tells the wench what ye wants
ifin she don run ye thru for yellin and stuff
she goes to tha kitchen and iffin the cook be awake
after a bit she brings ye fish n chips wif nice vinegar wif a shakee top

mmmmmmm, sure is good when done rite

[ChowMein]

Deep Fried Batturd Shashimi

Mek shore ye fishe slab be batturdid gud .

Plopparr gennil loike inna oil thet be 375 degrees fair in height .

Phil lip her wen ye notice slab be golden on thee unnerside .

Et be reddy wen ye notis et nay be sech a roilin boil no moors , but atoll depinz on ye tickness ove slab .

[Detective TurtleHolmes]

Pagan Brew
Fer this delicious ale, ye need four Pagans, prefereablee male, all aroond 6 feet tall wit' brown hair.
Ye also need one fat ol' bag o' kangaroo, which provoides the necessary "hops" ingredient. Ye also need a metal bar from a pub, an' lean it agin' the insoide o' yer pot. This provides the "barlean", or "barley" ingredient. Ye also need some fresh sea water, an' some yeast, preferablee grown in the armpits o' a woman named Bob.

Gather ye Pagans inna a big blender an' blend 'em up. Pour inna a big pot, an' stick the metal bar on a lean insoide. Pour in forty gallons o' sea water and shave the armpits o' the woman named Bob. Put the armpit 'airs inna pot an' add fire down the bottom. Leave it to simmer fer four hours.

Go o'er to yer bag o' Kangaroo an' belt it until it be dead. Ye can tell it be dead when it ain't trying to hop no more. Take the kangaroo outta the bag an' shove it inna pot. Make sure the kangaroo plugs up the top o' the pot real well. Leave yer brew to boil on high fer forty minutes.

When all else be finishede, take out the kangaroo an' the metal bar an' pour inna a beer barrel.

Proceed to git yerself absolutelee pished before yer missus foinds out ye've been to Australia.

[black bart]

Arrrgh...I can believe that. I'll have to bring in me Cane Toad Beer label wot I got when I was in Oz.

[Auntie Blackbeard]

Aaaaarrrgh, I loiks Shepherds Pie me dearies...but ye just can't find the Shepherds these days.

[pieces o'nine]

Ye 'ave ter track 'em proper-loike.

Oi've 'eard that shepherds be outte wotchin' oar theyre phlox by noight. So ye needs ter stake out yer gardin by thee loight ov thee full moon fer thee best huntin.

[black bart]

Aaaargh...I knew I'd seen Shepherds somewhere...there was these chaps wot I met on a voyage to the East...ye'd ave trubble gettin em into a pie I'll wager:

[ChowMein]

Oi be serchin' fer a resepee fer Treekl Tartz (not th' kind what hang out in th' lesser establishmints wher the Grog be mosly warter, the baked loike a pie kind).

Seems sumwun left the cellur doorz opin an' me 50 weight of sugar be moist. Oi'm gonna have ter make treelk out of it, and moight also moek treekl out of th' blaggard whot left th' cellur opin.

P'raps one of yer fancy ship's cooks can help me?

Yarr Auntie ,

Oi be late ta 'elp ye wiff treacle , oi dun fergot me recipe from yeers ago , wot did ye do ? 'Ow did it toine owt ?

[Mad Willyum Bonney]

Hunny Glazed Roastid Parrot ,

THAT BE ET ! ye exclaimz , yer parrot shat on yer silks wun too meny tymes an bin insultin ye at everee toin .

Well wen thet liddle blaggit be snoozen , ye ring thet bastid's wee neck .

Then all ye has ta do is dip em in roiling water fer a few minits ta mek the pluckin ezshore fer yon cookie ( thet be ye , gennil reedarr ...oi meens ye scury scum ).
Save dem innarrrds fer latarr use !

Place Polly inna oven fer a half hour per poun @ 325 degrease , at thee last foo minits tek Polly owt an smear em wid hunny , den putem back inna offin fer anudder few minits till he be noicely brownd an crispee .

Soive wid a side of seaweed cold slaw an' chips ove poor ole Jimmy .

[DaveL]

YArrrrr...

That sounds delicious!! Oi think the little blighter sittin' on me shoulder will nursin' slaw n chips tonight!

Here Polly...here polly...

[pieces o'nine]

Yarrr lads! Keep yer birds close wen yer in Portsmouth! Oive eard fings ye wunt beleave habowt wot kin appen to 'em theyre.

[ChowMein]

Ahoy Mateys !

Yes indeed it has bin a while sins oi have introdooced a nu restpee , 'ere be wun frum thee nu world .

Baked Alaska

Foistlee , ye muss book ye passage to Alaska .

Secondlee , ye muss make landfall wiff ye shovel .

Thoidlee , ye must find a sootibull peece of land an' dig ye a goodlee sized porshun of Alaska .

Place inna sootibull sized bacon pan @ 300 fair in height fer wun our to kill alla pair of cites .
This dish be full of minerals an' some heavy metals , soive roight aweigh to yer best ennymees .

[black bart]

Ye Red Cow Sandwich.

One curled up piece o stale bread.
One slice o well grissled meat.

Leave to fester in the Cellar wiv the rancid ale an the vermin

Serve wiv a garnish o weevily lettuce...only one sandwich per person mind ye.

[Auntie Blackbeard]

Fried Leeches in Red Wine

MMMM Luverly...I uses me left over leeches after me leech therapy sessions fer this one.

It aint really Red Wine, it be the blood wot oozes out o dem leeches...no one will notice.

make sure ye fries em up good or they'll carry on leechin in yer gullet.

[ChowMein]

Arrrrrrrr , not in me cookbook m8 !