Complete the Piratey Headline

[DaveL]

Okey dokey lads!

A game from New Portsmouth for ye to enjoy - a bit like Salty Tale. Complete the followin Portsmouth Arrr-gus headlines...
When ye complete the headline, create the next...

Ok, I'll go first.

'Big Brenda uses a swimming pool diving board, causing a ****'

[Mad Willyum Bonney]

'Big Brenda uses a swimming pool diving board, causing a garrgantuan tidal wave and subsequent flooding ! '

Thee known world is soggy , initial estimates has 99.9% casualties , evolution is on standby .
Claims one witness ," damn it's wet out there, lucky fer me oi has me a big boat and a breeding pair of the bugs , plants , beasties an critters a fella ever could need .
I was in a bit of a rush so I dint pack lunches , but them dinosaurs ought to feed us all fer months !

Benbow Gone Dry , Constable Timmins suspect ****

[DaveL]

Benbow Gone Dry , Constable Timmins suspects Saucy Gert is thirsty

Turtle Shell found with occupant not home, Detective ******

[Detective TurtleHolmes]

Turtle Shell found with occupant not home, Detective TurtleHolmes suspects the French
The French, renowned for their remarkable eating abilities, are prime suspect in the Lone Turtle Shell case, headed by dashing, chivalrous and available Detective TurtleHolmes.

Pirate Ship Found Upturned, Owner Missing, Presumed *****

[Mad Willyum Bonney]

Pirate Ship Found Upturned, Owner Missing, Presumed Saved By Chowmein Who Promptly Had Him For Over for Dinner !

" Oi hadda toin 'em ovarr moar thin wunce " , replied thee chef .


Black bart Guilty Of*****

[Rev. Rowan Redbeard]

Black Bart Guilty Of Everything!


Batch of Edible Fish-Head Stew Found. Experts Say ****

[Detective TurtleHolmes]

Batch of Edible Fish-Head Stew Found. Experts Say Bart Was Probably Drunk At The Time

Crater Appears In Portsmouth Center, Millions******

[Mad Willyum Bonney]

Crater Appears In Portsmouth Center, Millions Of Tom Crews Look A Likes Pour Out And Proceed To Jump Up And Down !

" Its them tharr Thetens wot be causin' alla hellaballoo " , replied the local furniture maker who was in the middle of hiding his couches and love seats .


Pieces Of Nine Be Missing ****

[A.L.]

Pieces Of Nine Be Missing Woden Legg
Foul Play Be Suspected


Roadtown Taverner Waterin' Rum, Claims...****

[Edd]

Roadtown Taverner Waterin' Rum, Claims Woden


The Norse god, in an inebriated tirade, accuses local barkeep of, among other things, watering down rum, serving flat beer, overcharging, and trading in stolen wooden body parts.


Charges Brought Against *****

[pieces o'nine]

Charges Brought Against TIDDLES!



HOT OFF THEE PRESSES...

Tiddles Claims Innocense, Implicates*****

[Edd]

Tiddles Claims Innocense, Implicates Everyone Else.

‘It’s a conspurrracy,’ says Tiddles. ‘I’m just the scapecat. These small time shenanigans pale next to my dastardly deeds.’

Dark Avenger Quoted As Saying, “****

[DaveL]

Dark Avenger Quoted As Saying, "Can someone remove this large object belonging to Black Spot?"

Our beloved Superhero has yet again failed to rid Portsmouth of it's pirate crimewave

Farmer Loggins gigantic Zucchini goes missing. Constable Timmins *******

[pieces o'nine]

Farmer Loggins gigantic Zucchini goes missing. Constable Timmins Suspects Andrew Marvell‡




Detective Turtleholmes Retires "To Grow the Vegetable Marrow" and *****



~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
‡ fer ye blaggards wot don' nose henny po-ims:

My vegetable love should grow
Vaster than empires, and more slow;

[Detective TurtleHolmes]

Detective Turtleholmes Retires "To Grow the Vegetable Marrow" and Play The Banjo
Detective TurtleHolmes, widely regarded as handsome, dashing and available, has had a rumour circulating about his retirement. When asked, he replied: "Whut? Me? Ye know whut ye blaggards'd do witout me? Ye'd be Dark Avenger prey by now! Retire! Ha!"

Pirates Raid Bookshop, Charles Dickens Possibly*******