The Diary of The Dark Avenger

[black bart]

Diary of the Dark Avenger



The Dark Avenger is a superhero who, together with his side kick, The Crimson Skidmark (no image available) fights crime on the murky streets of Portsmouth.

His origins are shrouded in mystery but here is a reference to him in the Portsmouth Guaaaaardian:
http://www.venganza.org/forum/viewtopic.php?f=7&t=8144&st=0&sk=t&sd=a&start=15

In the following pages we publish the Dark Avengers long lost diary (when I say we, I mean everyone feel free to chip in).

Monday June 4th: Even as I lay in my hospital bed recovering from...well, lets just say I had to lay face down, the dark shadow of Piracy crept ever thicker over the town of Portsmouth. I had sworn to rid Portsmouth of it's Pirate scourge and, by the powers of my utility belt, I will do it. No one knows my true identity, not even my trusty assistant in my battle against crime, The Crimson Skidmark. Sometimes I feel the task is too great even for me, but then the ignomy of the Pirates' behaviour inspires me to gird my loins for action. Time for a wholesome cup of Horlicks before bed, for tomorrow I will begin my crusade.

[DaveL]

(yaaaarr, it's good to see him back)

Tuesday 5th June: I swooped from above for a meeting waith Mayor Keith Liversausage at Portsmouth Town Hall. He informs me that Pirates are not bribing his Council with treasures from abroad. All decisions made at Council, such as...

1) Pirates pillaging townsfolk at will;
2) Random debauchery in the town square;
3) Unsolved murders remaining unsolved;
4) Open season on The Royal Navy in Portsmouth Harbour

...have been made "in a spirit of festivity" between Council and it's consitiuents.

Somehow, I smell a rat. A large rat.

[Rainswept]

The Crimson Skidmark (no image available)

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To add realistic smell, check out "Doo Drops".

Link

[Detective TurtleHolmes]

Wednesday, 6th of June.
A seemingly unpirate Detective tried to lead me off the path to discovering where the pirates gather, but I wasn't fooled. The Jolly Roger on his shell was exceptionally obvious.
He tried to fool me, but I was too smart for him. I turned around and knocked his block off. But it was really a clone of him. The real one stuck a cutlass in my back!

Luckily, my faithful sidekick, The Crimson Skidmark, chased the blackguard off. Come to think of it, I don't know if he meant to, or if he just wandered in after some vindaloo at Hunjab Kumar's Curry Emporium. He's a good boy, really. He's just a bit... well... airheaded. I promised his Ma I'd take care of him.

Anyway, quite a good day all round. I still can't sit down, because of medical reasons, but now I have to watch out when I turn, because the cutlass might knock something over. I would think about getting ti removed, but I like bling, and this sure is shiny.

[black bart]

Thursday, 7th June

A great day today for tomorrow I leave hospital and rejoin the fight against Piracy. I think the nurse here must be somewhat deaf, I must be up early in the morning so I asked her to check my clock...it was some minutes before I could retrieve her hands from my unmentionables!

That reminds me I must remind the nurse to warm up my Horlicks.

[The Black Spot]

Friday, 8th June

The fight against the forces of evil goes on. Deep below my house lies my secret headquarters - The DarkCave - and this is where I keep my most powerful crimefighting tools. Within the Darkcave's hallowed walls you will find my supercomputing criminal database, my advanced crimefighting laboratory, and my ringbinder full of neighbours' complaints about the noise from the Avengermobile's knackered silencer.

I spend many hours sitting in the Darkcave -- mainly because I can't stand up in it. I wish the ceiling was a bit higher, but I daren't dig it out any more as the chip shop next door has subsided quite alarmingly over the past couple of weeks.

But enough! Tonight the war continues! Evildoers beware!

[black bart]

Saturday 8th of June

DA: Nothin appened...I don't work on weekends.

The Crimson Skidmark: pssst...

DA: 'what's that Skidmark?

The Crimson Skidmark: Crime never sleeps.

DA: Bollocks!

[DaveL]

20.8.08

I was asked represent Piratica at the Beijing Olympics in athletics. I carried the Skull and Crossbones into the Birdsnest Stadium. My purple cape was replaced with Pirate Regalia. Why are these uniforms so tacky?!!

Marching behind me were Piratica Football team, ready to win gold...I feel sorry for the other teams...ugh the carnage!

Someone told me the Poms were beating the Aussies in the Medal Tally...surely not! Something must be amiss, surely.

I smell a rat, a Big (year of the) Rat!

[black bart]

Tuesday 26th of August

One of those fiends that call themselves Pirates has left us a Riddle:

Wots got five fingers on one hand and four on the other?

The Crimson Skidmark and I fed the Riddle into the Dark Energy Computer in the Dark Cave. Whilst we waited the 2 hours for Portholes 95 to boot up, the Skidmark and I speculated on the solution over a steaming mug of Coco:

The Five fingers could refer to the Five senses and the Four to the Four Winds...no...

The Four Prongs on a fork and The Five Toes on a foot...no...

The hot Coco sent us mercifully to sleep and two hours later we were awakened by the loud beeping of the Dark Energy Computer...we had a result. We waited with baited breath for the computer print out:



Darn it Skidmark you've been playing Space Invaders again! The Skidmark went Crimson with shame: 'Gee sorry dark Avenger but wait there's another print coming out:'

Wots got five fingers on one hand and four on the other?

Answer: The Mayor if you don't pay the 50,000 Cronan Ransom by 3pm Friday.

The Fiends!