Set of Sacred Rites

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Set of Sacred Rites

Postby joeybsmash on Wed Jul 02, 2008 7:30 pm

Every religion in the world has a set of sacred rites to mark important transitions in a person's life.
They line up like this:
1) A naming ceremony to introduce a baby or child to the community. (some peoples don't do this for several years after birth to ensure that the child will survive)
1.1) Many peoples (but not all) have an "unofficial" ceremony to mark when a child begins learning skills necessary to be a member of the community
2) A ceremony to mark the passage of a child into adulthood. (In the US this is like getting your driver's license or graduating from high school or college.)
3) A ceremony to mark when a couple become exclusive. (viz: Marriage)
4) A ceremony for the community to recognize that a valued member is dead.

I'm a whale biologist. I know what I'm talking about.

So I propose these guidelines:
1) This ceremony should involve the first pasta meal.
1.1) This ceremony should involve presenting the child with a cutlass.
2) This ceremony should require that the child prove he/she gets the joke.
3) This ceremony should involve strippers and rum.
4) This ceremony should involve strippers and a beer fountain.
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Re: Set of Sacred Rites

Postby Clifford on Thu Jul 03, 2008 1:02 pm

*stares a gazeless stare*
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Re: Set of Sacred Rites

Postby Elastoman on Thu Jul 03, 2008 2:00 pm

Aside from a near terminal need to avoid anything resembling dogmatic ritual, I like the strippers/rum/beerfountain idea. I think I'll include that in all my daily habits from now on.

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Re: Set of Sacred Rites

Postby Moral Minority on Fri Jul 04, 2008 8:00 am

Here is my proposed list:

Pastism = The child's first meal of pasta.
Coming of age = First Cutlass and pirate regallia
Bar/Bat Saucewah = First stripper
College age = first beer and the youth must serve a year at sea as a pirate.
The Pastament of Marriage = performed by an Ordained Pirate Captain. Must include pasta and beer.
Last Meal = must be pasta with beer. Administered by Ordained Pirate Captain.
Burial at Sea = the dead Pastafarian is given a Pirate Burial in his pirate regalia.
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Re: Set of Sacred Rites

Postby joeybsmash on Fri Jul 04, 2008 2:20 pm

Elastoman wrote:Aside from a near terminal need to avoid anything resembling dogmatic ritual, I like the strippers/rum/beerfountain idea. I think I'll include that in all my daily habits from now on.


I suggest that ultra-orthodox pastafarians always carry a portable beer fountain (also known as a warm, shaken can) at all times.

Moral Minority wrote:Here is my proposed list:

Pastism = The child's first meal of pasta.
Coming of age = First Cutlass and pirate regallia
Bar/Bat Saucewah = First stripper
College age = first beer and the youth must serve a year at sea as a pirate.
The Pastament of Marriage = performed by an Ordained Pirate Captain. Must include pasta and beer.
Last Meal = must be pasta with beer. Administered by Ordained Pirate Captain.
Burial at Sea = the dead Pastafarian is given a Pirate Burial in his pirate regalia.


this list needs moar rum.
also the bride should probably be referred to as "the wench"
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Re: Set of Sacred Rites

Postby Moral Minority on Sun Jul 06, 2008 9:48 am

joeybsmash wrote:
Elastoman wrote:Aside from a near terminal need to avoid anything resembling dogmatic ritual, I like the strippers/rum/beerfountain idea. I think I'll include that in all my daily habits from now on.


I suggest that ultra-orthodox pastafarians always carry a portable beer fountain (also known as a warm, shaken can) at all times.

Moral Minority wrote:Here is my proposed list:

Pastism = The child's first meal of pasta.
Coming of age = First Cutlass and pirate regallia
Bar/Bat Saucewah = First stripper
College age = first beer and the youth must serve a year at sea as a pirate.
The Pastament of Marriage = performed by an Ordained Pirate Captain. Must include pasta and beer.
Last Meal = must be pasta with beer. Administered by Ordained Pirate Captain.
Burial at Sea = the dead Pastafarian is given a Pirate Burial in his pirate regalia.


this list needs moar rum.
also the bride should probably be referred to as "the wench"


What about marriages with two wenches or no wenches?
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Re: Set of Sacred Rites

Postby Zankou 2.0 on Sun Jul 06, 2008 12:12 pm

Moral Minority wrote:
joeybsmash wrote:
Elastoman wrote:Aside from a near terminal need to avoid anything resembling dogmatic ritual, I like the strippers/rum/beerfountain idea. I think I'll include that in all my daily habits from now on.


I suggest that ultra-orthodox pastafarians always carry a portable beer fountain (also known as a warm, shaken can) at all times.

Moral Minority wrote:Here is my proposed list:

Pastism = The child's first meal of pasta.
Coming of age = First Cutlass and pirate regallia
Bar/Bat Saucewah = First stripper
College age = first beer and the youth must serve a year at sea as a pirate.
The Pastament of Marriage = performed by an Ordained Pirate Captain. Must include pasta and beer.
Last Meal = must be pasta with beer. Administered by Ordained Pirate Captain.
Burial at Sea = the dead Pastafarian is given a Pirate Burial in his pirate regalia.


this list needs moar rum.
also the bride should probably be referred to as "the wench"


What about marriages with two wenches or no wenches?


The one who takes it is the wench. Duh.
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Re: Set of Sacred Rites

Postby Moral Minority on Sun Jul 06, 2008 3:10 pm

You sir, know nothing about queer relationships.
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Re: Set of Sacred Rites

Postby joeybsmash on Sun Jul 06, 2008 8:37 pm

Moral Minority wrote:
joeybsmash wrote:
Elastoman wrote:Aside from a near terminal need to avoid anything resembling dogmatic ritual, I like the strippers/rum/beerfountain idea. I think I'll include that in all my daily habits from now on.


I suggest that ultra-orthodox pastafarians always carry a portable beer fountain (also known as a warm, shaken can) at all times.

Moral Minority wrote:Here is my proposed list:

Pastism = The child's first meal of pasta.
Coming of age = First Cutlass and pirate regallia
Bar/Bat Saucewah = First stripper
College age = first beer and the youth must serve a year at sea as a pirate.
The Pastament of Marriage = performed by an Ordained Pirate Captain. Must include pasta and beer.
Last Meal = must be pasta with beer. Administered by Ordained Pirate Captain.
Burial at Sea = the dead Pastafarian is given a Pirate Burial in his pirate regalia.


this list needs moar rum.
also the bride should probably be referred to as "the wench"


What about marriages with two wenches or no wenches?


In marriages with no wenches the correct term is "butt-pirate"
In marriages with 2 or more wenches they can all be wenches.
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Re: Set of Sacred Rites

Postby Zankou 2.0 on Sun Jul 06, 2008 11:48 pm

Moral Minority wrote:You sir, know nothing about queer relationships.

This is most certainly true.
--Zankou II

The thin line between genius and insanity is less of a border than a union.

"Science can purify religion from error and superstition; religion can purify science from idolatry and false absolutes. Each can draw the other into a wider world, a world in which both can flourish."
--Pope John Paul II


Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
-Albert Einstein
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Re: Set of Sacred Rites

Postby Patasfarian Wolf on Thu Jul 10, 2008 5:10 pm

Are there any lists of pastafarian holidays? Other than ever Friday.
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Re: Set of Sacred Rites

Postby Cardinal Fang on Sat Jul 12, 2008 8:09 am

Rather than worrying about who is and who isn't a wench, why not a simple "do you?" (answer: arrgghh) to each participant in turn?

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Re: Set of Sacred Rites

Postby Clifford on Sat Jul 19, 2008 11:57 am

Whether someone is a wench or not is up to her. Depends if she's a female pirate or not.
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Re: Set of Sacred Rites

Postby Phlebas on Mon Sep 01, 2008 3:40 am

joeybsmash wrote:
In marriages with no wenches the correct term is "butt-pirate"
In marriages with 2 or more wenches they can all be wenches.


"Butt-pirate" isn't cool. But, Zankou is correct, you're only the wench if you're receiving.
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Re: Set of Sacred Rites

Postby Ubi Dubium on Tue Sep 02, 2008 7:28 am

Patasfarian Wolf wrote:Are there any lists of pastafarian holidays? Other than ever Friday.


Well, there's Holiday - stretching from November-ish into January-ish.

And, of course, the highest of all high holidays, September 19 - Talk Like a Pirate Day.
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