O'i was rememberin this one time oof a the Injun coast when I was part of ol Capt'n
Smyths squadron in me truste vessil the "The Dorkins" (Yes a parody of Dawkins).
We wuz a huntin these ere inujre-ya-men for there precios cargo, when the call of
"Ship Ahoy" came from abuv. O'I called out to the grease monkey abuv "where away?"and he sez to me to the "port quarta capt'n".
I look down into me tasty beverage holder and me thinks he been in the sun too much
as Ima drinkin rum, when he calls out again "no ya daft bugger behind ya too ya
I scanz the orisen behind us and lo doth there apair a ship.
O'I call to the monkey above "canna ya make out her colors" (keeping in the theme
of illiteracy, I've spelt it the American way
The reply ov "Looks t' be an apple tree Capt'n"
Straits a way I order the scurvy dogs to get ready fer battle. We heave to the
port side ta bring owwa guns onta the ename, O'I call out "unleash hell" whence
once more I ear the voice from abuv
"Capt'n we aint no xtians"
"Well be for bleedin' sake bloody fire then!"
We rake the ename vessel with owwa guns, but no matter how many hits we land upon
them stiil they come. "Git ready t' board them me arties", the hands strait away
start a runnin out planks, shoutin and a hollerin "Learn to spell ya daft buggers"
and "Yes, wow you can read and write at a 4 year olds level ya silly sods"
The Dorkins heaves to on the starbard side ov the ename vessil which Ey now no to
be called the Granny Smith. Me scurvy sea dogs at once board her, beatin her crew
easily, but no matter how simply they go down they keep comin. Foinally i fights
me way aft to the skippa and atacks im, Ima a swingin and a slashin, es screamin
"swingas are t' antechris" when with a parry, riposte and thrust eyes a beaten him.
I asks him to surreneders his colrs but no, he keeps yellin "Jebus will save me!"
O'I repleyes "Jeeps won't be invented for over two hundred years ya silly twat, now
give it up ya daft bugger, if you would only take a loik at the real worled youse
would see thata yuv lost."
What does e do? E jumps over t side screamin "Praise be to the Horde"