THE THREAD OF LISTS

[ken worley]

10 Signs You've Had A Bit Too Much Coffee.



1. A hiccup in your LAN causes your email server to take 3 seconds to switch folders, rather than the usual 2.
Irritated by the delay, you stand, and spin-kick your monitor into the next cubicle.

2. Another member of the household awakens, and catches you vocalizing elaborate comedic conversations to yourself, involving several characters, with funny voices/accents.

3. You are pulled over for speeding on the way to work.
You roll down the window, and while tapping frantically atop your steering wheel, you say to the officer, "writetheticketwritetheticketwritetheticketwritetheticketwritetheticketwritetheticketwritetheticket...."
When this does not prompt his pencil to begin moving as fast as you'd like, you pull a cat'o'nine tails out of the glove compartment, and begin lashing him.

4. Halfway to the other room, you stop in mid-frenzied-rush, having forgotten what you'd started to go do.
While thus paused, you note that you are standing on the wall, at chest height.

5. You nick your skin while shaving, and bleed out.

6. Your wife tells you that you are out of bacon, and you punch her in the eye.

7. The guy in front of you takes too long pulling out when the light turns green, so you get out, tuck your car under your arm, and end-run around him, shooting the 'raised-eyebrow sneer' into his window as you theatrically jog past.

8. You find that someone has taken your parking place, and suffer a massive embolism.

9. You begin answering the professor's questions before she asks them.

10. You are sprinting through the aisles at the grocery, scooping things off the shelves into your cart, and a "10" member of the opposite sex says to you as you pass, "Hey, baby, let's fuck like animals."
"NO TIME!", you toss over your shoulder as you race toward the checkout....Two hours later, at home, as you are furiously stabbing the "channel up" button on the remote for the 7700th time, you suddenly stop, wide eyed, and go, "D'oh!"

[Detective TurtleHolmes]

I think most of those things should be under the title: "Ten Signs You Have Had Too Many Steroids".

[Rev. Rowan Redbeard]

Some things I look for in potential significant others:

• Physical intimacy in and out of bed
• Monogamy until/unless jointly decided otherwise
• Paying for at least 30% of outings
• High scores in cuddling/spooning
• Emotional stability (more or less)
• Tolerance for tobacco, facial hair, and body hair
• IQ of at least 115
• Love of the written word
• Lack of belief in a higher power, astrology, tarot cards, the knowability of ultimate truth
• No children and no desire to have them at this time
• Refusal to vote Republican
• Support of gay marriage (and not just civil unions)
• Tolerance of those who are different from them
• Excellent communication skills
• Self confidence
• Enjoyment of evenings at home
• Height/weight proportionate (or a reasonable facsimile thereof)

Higher preference given to those with one or more of the following traits:
• Minor kinks/fetishes
• Non-drinker or moderate drinker
• Brunette and petite with some goth tendencies
• Redhead with green eyes, yummy curves, and pale skin
• Sexy accent (and any hair color)
• Visible ethnicity
• Eclectic taste in music (bonus points for owning anything by The Arrogant Worms)
• Owning handcuffs, daggers, and/or swords
• Biologically incapable of having children
• Bisexual with potential interest in a polyfidelity triad if a long term relationship were to evolve

[Taidje Khan]

Things I look for in potential mates:

1. Young
2. Petite
3. Wears revealing clothing
4. Walking alone at night
5. Nobody's looking

Turn-offs:

1. Pepper Spray

[Wawizzle]

Things I look for in potential mates

1) Vagina

[Moral Minority]

• Physical intimacy in and out of bed Check.
• Monogamy until/unless jointly decided otherwise I can try.

• Paying for at least 30% of outings Check.

• High scores in cuddling/spooning Check.

• Emotional stability (more or less) I wish.

• Tolerance for tobacco, facial hair, and body hair Check.

• IQ of at least 115 Check.

• Love of the written word Check.

• Lack of belief in a higher power, astrology, tarot cards, the knowability of ultimate truth Check.

• No children and no desire to have them at this time Check.

• Refusal to vote Republican Check.

• Support of gay marriage (and not just civil unions) Check.

• Tolerance of those who are different from them Check.

• Excellent communication skills Aspie.

• Self confidence Check.

• Enjoyment of evenings at home Check.

• Height/weight proportionate (or a reasonable facsimile thereof) I am a five-foot eight, 57 kilograms kinda guy.


Higher preference given to those with one or more of the following traits:
• Minor kinks/fetishes Feet and (you're gonna love this) Catholic boys.

• Non-drinker or moderate drinker Moderate.

• Brunette and petite with some goth tendencies Check.

• Redhead with green eyes, yummy curves, and pale skin My eyes are occasionally green, and I can always dye my hair. I am already as pale as a moth.

• Sexy accent (and any hair color) Nasal General American

• Visible ethnicity I do have these eyes.

• Eclectic taste in music (bonus points for owning anything by The Arrogant Worms) Check.

• Owning handcuffs, daggers, and/or swords I have a gladius.

• Biologically incapable of having children Vasectomy is an option.

• Bisexual with potential interest in a polyfidelity triad if a long term relationship were to evolve Check.

[Rev. Rowan Redbeard]

Legal Requirements:
18 years of age or older.

Location Requirements:
Lives in Southern Oregon or is willing to relocate.

Gender Requirements:
Preferably female, but willing to consider the right male.

[Moral Minority]

Things I look for in a guy:



1. An affinity for good music.

2. A deadpan sense of humour.

3. Political incorrectness.

4. Being kinky and putting up with my own sexual quirks.

5. Short hair or head-shaven.

6. A tolerance for tobacco.

7. Being older.

8. Liking my art.

9. Appreciating metal.

10. Being Catholic or non-religious.

11. Being socially liberal and slightly socialist.

12. Not being afraid to commit statutory rape (if you are reading this Dragan, you know what I mean)

13. Ability to cook pasta.

14. Enjoying lolicon.


ThingsI look for in a girl:

1. Being quirky and unusual.

2. Putting up with my fetishes and being kinky on her own.

3. Wearing goth clothes.

4. Having curves (but not too many).

5. Having a small tummy.

6. Red hair.

7. Being non-religious, Wiccan or Catholic.

8. Having straight hair.

9. Aprreciation for Sylvia Plath (and by extension, knowing who Sylvia Plath is)

10. Dominatrix.

11. Smoking.

12. Being interested in threesomes.

13. Having short hair.

14. Being younger, or the same age as me.

15. An aversion towards Dan Brown and his pen-spawn.

[Rev. Rowan Redbeard]

Things I look for in a guy:



1. An affinity for good music. (define good...)

2. A deadpan sense of humour. (check)

3. Political incorrectness. (no, but I don't do it to be politically correct, I do it because I feel it is the right thing to do)

4. Being kinky and putting up with my own sexual quirks. (check and probably check)

5. Short hair or head-shaven. (check)

6. A tolerance for tobacco. (check)

7. Being older. (check)

8. Liking my art. (haven't seen it, so don't know, but wouldn't you prefer an honest criticism?)

9. Appreciating metal. (check...so long as it is not music that you are speaking of)

10. Being Catholic or non-religious. (hardcore agnostic)

11. Being socially liberal and slightly socialist. (check and check...at least in the US...your terms may vary)

12. Not being afraid to commit statutory rape (if you are reading this Dragan, you know what I mean) (not afraid to commit it if the person is of a reasonably sound mind and mentally/emotionally mature enough to make the choice, only afraid of being caught by the authorities)

13. Ability to cook pasta. (boil water...add noodles...8 minutes...drain)

14. Enjoying lolicon. (I find nothing immoral about it)


ThingsI look for in a girl:

1. Being quirky and unusual. (agreed)

2. Putting up with my fetishes and being kinky on her own. (agreed)

3. Wearing goth clothes. (agreed)

4. Having curves (but not too many). (agreed)

5. Having a small tummy. (agreed)

6. Red hair. (agreed)

7. Being non-religious, Wiccan or Catholic. (agreed, possibly, no but she can dress in the uniform )

8. Having straight hair. (doesn't matter)

9. Aprreciation for Sylvia Plath (and by extension, knowing who Sylvia Plath is) (ummm...huh? good thing I'm not a girl)

10. Dominatrix. (Nope. Give me someone who is slightly sub.)

11. Smoking. (would prefer a non-smoker, if only to give me another reason to quit)

12. Being interested in threesomes. (agreed)

13. Having short hair. (meh, whatever)

14. Being younger, or the same age as me. (younger is certainly a plus, but I'll have to substitute my age for yours in that equation for legal reasons)

15. An aversion towards Dan Brown and his pen-spawn.(again, good thing I'm not a girl, because I have no idea what that means.)

[Zankou 2.0]

Things I look for in a guy:



1. An affinity for good music.(Define good?)

2. A deadpan sense of humour.(I have trouble keeping a straight face, but I can pull it off some times.)

3. Political incorrectness.(Hell, ya.)

4. Being kinky and putting up with my own sexual quirks.(I enjoy kinky)

5. Short hair or head-shaven.Nope. My har is about medium length. )

(6. A tolerance for tobacco. (You sicken me)

7. Being older. (15)

8. Liking my art. (Never having seen it, I can give no opinion.)

9. Appreciating metal. (Are you referring to music? If so, then yes, I enjoy metal on occasion.)

10. Being Catholic or non-religious. (I'm actually both, technically speaking)

11. Being socially liberal and slightly socialist. (Yep)

12. Not being afraid to commit statutory rape (if you are reading this Dragan, you know what I mean) (So long as I don't get caught)

13. Ability to cook pasta. (Easy)

14. Enjoying lolicon. (No aversion to it, but hentai of any sort freaks me out sometimes)


ThingsI look for in a girl:

1. Being quirky and unusual. (Agreed)

2. Putting up with my fetishes and being kinky on her own.(Agreed)

3. Wearing goth clothes.(Not so much)

4. Having curves (but not too many). (Hell, ya.)

5. Having a small tummy. (Agreed)

6. Red hair. (I like brunettes, myself, but red is nice too.)

7. Being non-religious, Wiccan or Catholic. (Strangely enough, agreed.)

8. Having straight hair. (Agreed)

9. Aprreciation for Sylvia Plath (and by extension, knowing who Sylvia Plath is) ???

10. Dominatrix. (Not so much)


11. Smoking. YUCK!

12. Being interested in threesomes. (Hell, ya.)

13. Having short hair. I like long hair.

14. Being younger, or the same age as me. (Agreed)

15. An aversion towards Dan Brown and his pen-spawn. How can you say that? He's an amazing author..

[Zankou 2.0]

Things I look for in a potential girlfriend:

1. A basic awareness of the world around them.
2. Verbal sparring ability.
3. Not afraid to think for herself.
4. Curves.
5. Appreciation for literature/art/music.
6. Non-religous/Catholic/Wiccan.
7. Long/medium hair.
8. Being around my age.
9. Not being weirded out by my weirdness.
10. Hygiene.
11. Sexual attractivness.
12. Liberal, as opposed to conservative(literal meaning)
13. Open-mindedness.

[aaRghNAbled]

picky, picky, picky......

[Zankou 2.0]

picky, picky, picky......

I'm not really all that picky...I'd pretty much take any girl who isn't hideous/abhorrent and likes me. That's just what I prefer.

[aaRghNAbled]

picky, picky, picky......

I'm not really all that picky...I'd pretty much take any girl who isn't hideous/abhorrent and likes me. That's just what I prefer.

sense of humour + "chemistry" ------> the rest takes care of itself

[Rev. Rowan Redbeard]

sense of humour + "chemistry" ------> the rest takes care of itself

If only 'twere true. I had both with my former wife. But strong differences in preferences for future life plans caused us to decide that a divorce was necessary. It was not an easy decision, but it was the only one we could make without causing one of us to give up what we wanted (and it was an area where compromise was quite literally impossible...mutually exclusive desires).