THE THREAD OF LISTS

[ken worley]

6 Reasons to Join TK's "Cabal"


Instant 'posse' to help check for monsters 'neath bed.

Sounds like "Kaballah", which makes it 'madonna' enough to inkle exclusivity, 'yesterday' enough to be endearingly lame.

They know what's in butter rum.

Includes free subscription to "sarcastic anklebiter monthly"...the newsletter for bitter chihuahuas.

Perfect excuse for spamming, if you're into that sort of thing.

No better way to exclude girls.

[ken worley]

10 DVD Titles Which Would Be Inappropriate in a Gynecologist's Waiting Room.


Valley of the Dolls

Don't Look in the Basement

Broadway Thru a Keyhole

Nowhere to Hide

The Hole-in-the-Wall Gang

How Green Was my Valley

Take This Job and Shove It

The Longest Yard

Bringing Up Baby

Divide and Conquer

[ken worley]

5 People You Find On Every Greyhound® Bus


Tremulous Senior Lady...
...with "luggage" consisting of brown paper grocery sacks from a supermarket chain which hasn't done business since 1962.(Like IGA, or Peechins)
She needs the front seat, right behind the driver, (and will stab your groin-area with her cane if you fail to cede it)-so she can remind him every 10 miles, beginning in Ohio, that she gets off in Oklahoma City, and may need reminded it is her stop.


Foil-Hat...
He might not be wearing it today, but he can be overheard occasionally muttering about "them" and what he will do if "they" "steal his thoughts". You will catch him looking at you suspiciously each time you awaken from a fitful doze.

Drunk Skinny African Crackhead in carnival clothes...
He starts out boisterously and optomistically, making incomprehensible jokes at the people around him, laughing wildly at his own observations, displaying his one remaining lower tooth. He will become louder and more aggressive in tone as the miles roll on.
He will be kicked off the bus in Detroit, ostensibly for nipping at a pint of whiskey, but mainly for irritating the back of the driver's neck-muscles.


Pedo-Stare Chester...
Probably rides back-and-forth 'cross-country just to stare at the children of poor traveling single moms.(Lives in hope of a chance "magical" encounter with a 7-year-old in the tiny stainless steel lavatory.)

The sick bastard....
...whose deep, phlegmy, hacking coughs never cease.
In the confines of the bus' interior, you can while away the hours wondering when the first fatigue/glandular swelling/tickle-at-back-of-throat will strike you, indicating that his(her) leprosy has borne itself to you through the constantly-recycled air.

[ken worley]

7 Rejected Flavor Suggestions Scraped From the Bottom of Ben&Jerry's® Mailbag


Pigs on the Wing-(bacon and buffalo sauce)

Refried Bean

Tofu-tti-Tutti

Jambalaya

Acetone&DrainCleaner(submitted by a meth addict in recovery)

9/11 -(a food-borne "message to Islam"...Containing actual pork, scotch, and shredded bits of recycled Penthouse magazines.)

Health Nut- (No fat, no dairy, no sugar, no preservatives, no additives, no allergens or biological materials of any kind....Rejected late in the test marketing stage when an astute taster pointed out that it was merely ice, which could be had for 12 cents a pound anywhere.)

[Zankou 2.0]

6 Reasons to Boycott Ken Worley
He has atrocious capitalisation habits
He's the 'King of The Pervs"
He just plain sucks(In a non-sexual way. Which isn't to say he doesn't suck at sex, because he probably does.)
He is made of FAIL.
He is American.
He is Ken Worley. Duh.

[Capellini]

6 Reasons to Boycott Ken Worley
He has atrocious capitalisation habits
He's the 'King of The Pervs"
He just plain sucks(In a non-sexual way. Which isn't to say he doesn't suck at sex, because he probably does.)
He is made of FAIL.
He is American.
He is Ken Worley. Duh.

OOOH, HARSH! Wow Zank, are you sure you want to walk that road?

[Zankou 2.0]

6 Reasons to Boycott Ken Worley
He has atrocious capitalisation habits
He's the 'King of The Pervs"
He just plain sucks(In a non-sexual way. Which isn't to say he doesn't suck at sex, because he probably does.)
He is made of FAIL.
He is American.
He is Ken Worley. Duh.

OOOH, HARSH! Wow Zank, are you sure you want to walk that road?

Muahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

There are more reasons, obviously, but I was parodying his OP, with 6 reasons.

As if ken hasn't given me enough provocation to justify my retaliation.

Hell, I had enough provocation in my first two months here.

[Mad Willyum Bonney]

Ye knowest he shall take shots at ye thee entire tyme ye be online 'ere now .

[Zankou 2.0]

Ye knowest he shall take shots at ye thee entire tyme ye be online 'ere now .

Yeah....


There needs to be an evil laugh smiley.

[ken worley]

5 Kids In The Hall Characters I Remembered Today, For No Particular Reason



"Running Faggot"

That little annoying redheaded "it's a fact!" girl.

The kid who kept asking dumb questions while people were trying to work.

The guy who freaked out when someone took his pen.

The kid who corrected everyones' grammar, and blew mountain goats behind the 7-11 for nickles.
(was that one KITH?...or from somewhere else?...)

[Mad Willyum Bonney]

Ye knowest he shall take shots at ye thee entire tyme ye be online 'ere now .

Yeah....


There needs to be an evil laugh smiley.

Ye muss also be awarrs he be plumbin' nu depths ta achieve thus ?

[Zankou 2.0]

5 Kids In The Hall Characters I Remembered Today, For No Particular Reason



"Running Faggot"

That little annoying redheaded "it's a fact!" girl.

The kid who kept asking dumb questions while people were trying to work.

The guy who freaked out when someone took his pen.

The kid who corrected everyones' grammar, and blew mountain goats behind the 7-11 for nickles.
(was that one KITH?...or from somewhere else?...)

Is that the best you can do?


FAIL

[Mad Willyum Bonney]

Oy ! Kenny dun made me think ove Chicken Lady !

[lordpunkmonk]

A FEW AWSOME MOVIES
SLC Punk
Hell Boy
Batman Begins
Shaun of the Dead
X-men
X-men II
NOT X-men III
Monty Python and the Holy Grail
Monty Python's Life of Brian
The Simpsons Movie
Kung Fu Hustle
The Shawshank Redemption
Dead Again
No Country For Old Men
Saw 1, 2, 3, and 4
Nightmare on Elm Street
Alfred Hitchcock's Psycho
Jurasic Park
Alfred Hitchcock's the birds
The Pixar collection
Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy (but it didn't do the book justice)
Van Helsing
Bram Stoker's Dracula
Schindlers List
Cast Away
Sleepy Hallow with Johnny Depp
The Count of Montey Cristow both the original and the remake
Amedaeus
Life is Beautiful
Halloween
Dead Poets Society
The Scarlet Pimpernel miniseries (basicaly the james bond of the 17th century)
Titan AE

[Detective TurtleHolmes]

List of all muppet characters!
Kermit the Frog, director and host of the Muppet Show. Performed by Jim Henson until his death in 1990.
Miss Piggy, a glamorous diva pig in dual pursuit of stardom and Kermit. In the first season, her puppeteering duties were shared between Frank Oz and Richard Hunt. Starting with the second season, Oz took over the character full-time.
Fozzie Bear, a questionably talented but hardworking stand-up comic bear, and Kermit's unofficial second-in-command. Performed by Frank Oz.
Scooter, the gofer. His uncle owns the theatre. Performed by Richard Hunt.
Gonzo, also known as The Great Gonzo or Gonzo the Great, stuntman, daredevil, performance artist and "The Muppet Show's Resident Weird Person". Performed by Dave Goelz.
The Swedish Chef, a cook with weird culinary habits who speaks a Scandinavian-sounding double-talk called "mock Swedish". Performed by Jim Henson with the hands of Frank Oz.
Rowlf the Dog, the show's resident wisecracking piano player. Performed by Jim Henson.
Dr Bunsen Honeydew, Head of Muppet Labs, a scientist and inventor. Performed by Dave Goelz.
Beaker, Dr. Bunsen Honeydew's hapless guinea pig / assistant. Performed by Richard Hunt.
Camilla, a chicken, Gonzo's true love. Usually performed by Jerry Nelson.
Sam the (American Bald) Eagle, American superpatriot and self-appointed censor of the Muppet Show. Performed by Frank Oz.
Dr. Teeth, ultra-hip band leader, and keyboard player for Dr. Teeth and The Electric Mayhem. Performed by Jim Henson.
Sgt. Floyd Pepper, bass guitarist and all around hip person of Dr. Teeth and The Electric Mayhem. Performed by Jerry Nelson.
Janice, the Band's hippie-chick lead guitarist (and Floyd's main squeeze). Performed by Eren Ozker in the first season and Richard Hunt for the remainder of the run.
Animal, the Band's savage, frenzied drummer. Performed by Frank Oz. Drumming performed by Ronnie Verrell.
Zoot, the sleepy saxophone player in the Electric Mayhem and the Muppet Show's orchestra. Performed by Dave Goelz.
Lips, trumpet player for the "Mayhem" added in the fifth season. Performed by Steve Whitmire.
Lew Zealand, boomerang fish thrower and generally fish-obsessed performer. Performed by Jerry Nelson.
Statler & Waldorf, two old men who occupy the box seat at every show and heckle the performances. Statler was performed by Richard Hunt, Waldorf by Jim Henson.
Rizzo the Rat, a sarcastic inner-city rodent. A minor character in the fourth and fifth season. Performed by Steve Whitmire.
Annie Sue, a young pig, Miss Piggy's innocent rival. Performed by Louise Gold.
The Muppet Newsman. Was an energetic reporter that always had bad luck. Performed by Jim Henson.
Louis Kazager, the enthusiastic reporter for Muppet Sports. Performed by Jerry Nelson.
Foo-Foo, Miss Piggy's dog. Usually performed by Steve Whitmire or a real dog.
Sweetums, a 7-foot-tall monster. Performed by Richard Hunt.
Thog, a 9 1/2-foot-tall furry, blue monster. Performed by Jerry Nelson.
J.P. Grosse, Scooter's uncle who owns the theatre; a tough businessman. Performed by Jerry Nelson.
Link Hogthrob, a hunky but dim-witted pig, star of "Pigs in Space", Captain of the USS Swinetrek. Also stars in "Bear On Patrol". Performed by Jim Henson.
Dr. Julius Strangepork, the science officer in "Pigs in Space". Performed by Jerry Nelson.
Beauregard, the dimwitted janitor and stagehand. Performed by Dave Goelz.
Crazy Harry, a pyrotechnician and bomb expert who enjoys blowing things up far too much. Performed in the first season by John Lovelady, then taken over by Jerry Nelson.
Robin, Kermit's small nephew. Performed by Jerry Nelson.
Uncle Deadly, also called "the Phantom of the Muppet Show", a sinister character who lurks around the theatre and appears occasionally on the show. Performed by Jerry Nelson.
The Flying Zucchini Brothers, a group of human cannonballs and acrobats. Performed by Frank Oz, Jerry Nelson, Dave Goelz and Richard Hunt.
Pops, the elderly doorman. Performed by Jerry Nelson.
Marvin Suggs, the sadistic, crazed and flamboyant Muppaphone man. Performed by Frank Oz.
Brewster, a wise-looking bearded fellow seen primarily on the first season of The Muppet Show and seen mostly in the audience during the rest of the seasons.
George, the crotchety old janitor, seen primarily in the first season and performed by Frank Oz.
Mildred Huxtetter, George's dancing partner, seen primarily in the first season. Usually performed by Frank Oz or Richard Hunt.
Wayne and Wanda, a singing duo plagued by bad luck that prevents them from finishing their songs, but in Sam's eyes, they are the only decent act on the Muppet Show. Performed by Richard Hunt and Eren Ozker, although Kathy Mullen played Wanda in her one appearance in the fourth season.
Hilda, the elderly wardrobe mistress. Performed by Eren Ozker. Disappeared after the first season.
Nigel, the conductor of the Muppet Orchestra. Performed by either Jim Henson or John Lovelady.
Trumpet Girl, the unnamed trumpeter from the orchestra (she was only called "Trumpet Girl" in the scripts). Switched to trombone due to the addition of Lips. Normally performed by Eren Ozker or Louise Gold.
Mah Nà Mah Nà, the singer of the song by the same name, and the Snowths, the 2 pink creatures that sing Doo-doo-de-do-do!. Mah Nà Mah Nà was performed by Jim Henson, and the Snowths by Frank Oz.
Lubbock Lou and his Jughuggers, the jug band. Includes Lubbock Lou, Slim Wilson, Gramps, Bubba, Zeke and Lou. Performed by Dave Goelz, Jerry Nelson, Frank Oz, Richard Hunt, Jim Henson and Louise Gold respectively.
Fleet Scribbler, the reporter for The Daily Scandal who was known for exaggerating minor happenstances around the theatre to the point of ridiculousness. He appeared in only a few episodes of the second season. Scribbler was supposed to be a recurring character, but everybody working on the show hated him so much that he was eventually discarded. Performed by Jerry Nelson.
Alexander Beetle, a red and blue beetle who appeared in episodes 407 and 509. Performed by Steve Whitmire.
The Gills Brothers, a group of singing fish parodying The Mills Brothers.
The Country Trio, a band consisting of caricatures of their performers Jim Henson, Frank Oz and Jerry Nelson.
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