The Cow Theory of Government

[Aeger]

The Cow Theory of Government

DEMOCRAT
- You have two cows.
- Your neighbor has none.
- You feel guilty for being successful.
- You vote people into office that put a tax on your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax.
- The people you voted for then take the tax money, buy a cow and give it to your neighbor.
- You feel righteous.
- Barbara Streisand sings for you.

SOCIALIST
- You have two cows.
- The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
- You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

REPUBLICAN
- You have two cows.
- Your neighbor has none.
- So?

COMMUNIST
- You have two cows.
- The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
- You wait in line for hours to get it.
- It is expensive and sour.

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE
- You have two cows.
- You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
- You have two cows.
- The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
- You have two cows.
- The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you
for the milk, and then pours the milk down the drain.

AMERICAN CORPORATION
- You have two cows.
- You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.
- You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows.
- You are surprised when one cow drops dead.
- You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized
and are reducing expenses.
- Your stock goes up.

FRENCH CORPORATION
- You have two cows.
- You go on strike because you want three cows.
- You go to lunch.
- Life is good.

JAPANESE CORPORATION
- You have two cows.
- You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
- They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
- Most are at the top of their class at cow school.

GERMAN CORPORATION
- You have two cows.
- You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give
excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour. Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.

ITALIAN CORPORATION
- You have two cows but you don't know where they are.
- While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.
- You break for lunch.
- Life is good.

RUSSIAN CORPORATION
- You have two cows.
- You have some vodka.
- You count them and learn you have five cows.
- You have some more vodka.
- You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
- The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.

[diego]

A CHRISTIAN DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbor.

A FASCIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and sells you the milk. You join the underground and start a campaign of sabotage.

A MEXICAN CORPORATION: You think you have two cows, but you don't know what a cow looks like. You take a nap.

A SWISS CORPORATION: You have 5000 cows, none of which belongs to you. You charge for storing them for others.

A BRAZILIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You enter into a partnership with an American corporation. Soon you have 1000 cows and the American corporation declares bankruptcy.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You worship them.

[Qwertyuiopasd]

seeing all the [country] DEMOCRACY, I had to do this one

KATAMARI DAMACY: you have two cows. you roll them together, and conintue to roll them into other cows, making one big ball of cows.

weak, but meh. its 3:37 in the morning....

[lordpunkmonk]

I agree

[Thesuperamazing]

Wicked funny, very true.

[Rainswept]

Animal Rights Activist:

-There are two cows on your property, which you feed, but they are their own people.
-You don't drink their milk because you don't want to bother them.
-You learn your neighbor has two cows.
-You plan a daring nighttime raid, destroy eight cows worth of your neighbors property and "liberate" the cows.
-Your neighbors cows don't manage to start a new life, one starves to death and the other must be euthanized.
-You feel happy that at least the cows died free.
-You become sick and die from a disease that could have been cured by now with animal testing.

[Wawizzle]

This is the funniest thing I've seen in such a long time!

Animal Rights Activist:

-There are two cows on your property, which you feed, but they are their own people.
-You don't drink their milk because you don't want to bother them.
-You learn your neighbor has two cows.
-You plan a daring nighttime raid, destroy eight cows worth of your neighbors property and "liberate" the cows.
-Your neighbors cows don't manage to start a new life, one starves to death and the other must be euthanized.
-You feel happy that at least the cows died free.
-You become sick and die from a disease that could have been cured by now with animal testing.

This is my favorite one.

[Moral Minority]

Chinese Capitalism:

You have two cows and 100 people to milk them. You claim that there is no unemployement in your country and you shoot the journalist who published the numbers.

English Capitalism: You have two cows. Both are mad.

Indian Capitalism: You have two cows and you worship them till they die.

[Detective TurtleHolmes]

Australian Community:
You have two cows, but your community leads you to believe that the cows are un-Australian for not producing beer instead of milk.

Australian Lifestyle:
You have two cows that go out at night, get drunk, come home and abuse every living thing in sight, and expect centrelink to pay them when they themselves don't pay their taxes.

Ahh, Australia.

[Zankou 2.0]

You have these two cows
You do stereotyped stuff with them.
A politics joke.