Take your best swing boys and girls.
One rule.
NO COMPLIMENTS ON PHYSICAL APPEARANCE!
You may be taken by the way she lowers her gaze slightly, and shyly smiles up and sideways from under her bangs, while still maintaining firm shoulder set, indicating vulnerability tempered by inner strength.
You might be instantly enamored with her for the crackly intelligence and warmth in her eyes...
BUT YOU MUST PRETEND NOT TO HAVE NOTICED.
Those are the rules.
SO, give your best shot.
You have one line to impress with, or be relegated to the discard pile, or worse, milked till your wallet runs dry, then shitcanned.
Let's hear your "technique".
Some of my openings:
I have a raging erection right this minute....Do you want to see?
Would you like to rape me?...I will not struggle.
Are you allergic to chloroform?
Would you like to dance?..I have a pole in the trunk of my car.
I am filthy rich, and have 4 months to live.
I am willing to play the stooge you can easily feel superior to.
Hi. I am a putty-like blank slate, looking for that omniscient girl-genius to mold me into a suitable husband.
I am willing to let you reenact episodes of SITC, with me as the discardable bit player.
Anyone else got any good ones?
FSM Discussion
Dedicated to the teaching of Flying Spaghetti Monsterism
Non-Physically-Complimenting Pick-Up Lines Challenge.
Moderator: Other Stuff Mods
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ken worley - King of the Pervs
- Posts: 3363
- Joined: Sun Dec 17, 2006 11:10 pm
- Location: Fortress of Squalitude
by Rainswept on Fri Apr 18, 2008 10:05 am
My old Army buddy used to lead with...
"Nice shoes, wanna fuck?"
"Nice shoes, wanna fuck?"
I believe it's time for mankind to set aside the crutch of religion and embrace morality born of reason and truth. Those crutches have long since proven treacherous when the ground gets slippery.
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Rainswept - Caliph of Capitalist Fishing Pole Hobo Apologists
- Posts: 8914
- Joined: Tue Oct 18, 2005 9:11 pm
- Location: State of Disbelief
by EarthRise on Fri Apr 18, 2008 10:34 am
I wish I were DNA helicase, so I could unzip your genes.
You must be Yersinia pestis, because you give me a fever and a swelling of the groin.
The adult body has 206 bones (approximately) in it. Want another?
I wish I were your derivative, so I could like tangent to your curves.
I wish I were your second derivative, so I could investigate your concavities.
Best part is, none of those were commentary on physical appearance. Nerds unite!
You must be Yersinia pestis, because you give me a fever and a swelling of the groin.
The adult body has 206 bones (approximately) in it. Want another?
I wish I were your derivative, so I could like tangent to your curves.
I wish I were your second derivative, so I could investigate your concavities.
Best part is, none of those were commentary on physical appearance. Nerds unite!
[...] the difficulty of believing that a perfect and complex eye could be formed by natural selection, though insuperable by our imagination, should not be considered as subversive of the theory.
-Darwin
-Darwin
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EarthRise - Hox God
- Posts: 2330
- Joined: Sun Aug 27, 2006 3:35 pm
- Location: who wants to know?
by anthrobabe on Fri Apr 18, 2008 11:23 am
EarthRise wrote:I wish I were DNA helicase, so I could unzip your genes.
ok stop there-- you win--- nerds get me everytime! Ok I think the bar is set-- lets see what the rest of them can follow with.
My mantra
Just save the farkin Gorillas will you! They don't have spell check- but they do need YOU/US...
www.gorillafund.org
I Ned Speil Cheek!!!!!!!!
I'm *not* the lowest rank on this ship. What about the laboratory mice? I tell them something and they jump straight to it. "Yes, Mr. Lister Sir, eek,eek."
Just save the farkin Gorillas will you! They don't have spell check- but they do need YOU/US...
www.gorillafund.org
I Ned Speil Cheek!!!!!!!!
I'm *not* the lowest rank on this ship. What about the laboratory mice? I tell them something and they jump straight to it. "Yes, Mr. Lister Sir, eek,eek."
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anthrobabe - Lord of Linguini
- Posts: 1320
- Joined: Tue May 02, 2006 8:13 pm
- Location: Waiting to move where the Gorillas are, the ones without cell phones and cars!
by Rainswept on Fri Apr 18, 2008 11:34 am
anthrobabe wrote:ok stop there-- you win--- nerds get me everytime! Ok I think the bar is set-- lets see what the rest of them can follow with.
Baby you are so fine you turn my software into hardware.
I'm attracted to you so strongly, scientists will have to develop a fifth fundamental force.
You can put a Trojan on my Hard Drive anytime.
What do you say we go back to my room and do some math: Add a bed, subtract our clothes, divide your legs, and multiply?
You must be gibberellin, because I'm experiencing some stem elongation.
And my favorite:
According to the second law of thermodynamics, you're supposed to share your hotness with me.
I believe it's time for mankind to set aside the crutch of religion and embrace morality born of reason and truth. Those crutches have long since proven treacherous when the ground gets slippery.
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Rainswept - Caliph of Capitalist Fishing Pole Hobo Apologists
- Posts: 8914
- Joined: Tue Oct 18, 2005 9:11 pm
- Location: State of Disbelief
by ken worley on Fri Apr 18, 2008 7:56 pm
Since it worked on cap...
To me, yo, your like, what, some kinda twitchy, jurassic, carniverous lizard, huh?...
Or, how 'bout:
"Sorry I'm late, but my penis got stuck climbing out of my maserati."
"I'm writing a book about what women think about socio-political issues."(Believe me, it'll start a conversation.....an endless one you'll wish you'd avoided.
"Hi."
(I know, but it's how you say it....You say it while humping her leg.)
"
To me, yo, your like, what, some kinda twitchy, jurassic, carniverous lizard, huh?...
Or, how 'bout:
"Sorry I'm late, but my penis got stuck climbing out of my maserati."
"I'm writing a book about what women think about socio-political issues."(Believe me, it'll start a conversation.....an endless one you'll wish you'd avoided.
"Hi."
(I know, but it's how you say it....You say it while humping her leg.)
"
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ken worley - King of the Pervs
- Posts: 3363
- Joined: Sun Dec 17, 2006 11:10 pm
- Location: Fortress of Squalitude
by Detective TurtleHolmes on Fri Apr 18, 2008 9:29 pm
Or maybe even:
"So, how 'bout those papio anubis pedal phalanges, eh?"
"So, how 'bout those papio anubis pedal phalanges, eh?"
A flap of the wings yesterday means big changes tomorrow.
Let's work together to keep the present inevitable.
So yeah, I went and got a blog.
Let's work together to keep the present inevitable.
So yeah, I went and got a blog.
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Detective TurtleHolmes - Clouseau's Protege
- Posts: 9266
- Joined: Fri Oct 12, 2007 6:34 am
- Location: Francemouth
by Moral Minority on Sat Apr 19, 2008 8:08 am
Well, I went to an art exibition where I met the artist.
I think that there I made the best pick-up line ever...
'I really like the hidden symbolism in your paintings. So empowering.'
I got her number...
I think that there I made the best pick-up line ever...
'I really like the hidden symbolism in your paintings. So empowering.'
I got her number...
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Moral Minority - Prophet of Pastafarianism
- Posts: 5629
- Joined: Sun Jul 01, 2007 5:51 pm
- Location: Follow the trail of smoldering bodies.
by Wawizzle on Sat Apr 19, 2008 9:17 am
Hey baby. Want to be my integral, so you can lie right underneath me?
“We are often hesitant to look at other faiths or to examine our own critically because we feel that, in doing so, we are being disloyal to our own deeply felt convictions. ... And yet our beliefs are not worth very much if they cannot stand up to any scrutiny.” -- James Livingston.
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Wawizzle - Sorcerer of Sauce
- Posts: 3409
- Joined: Mon Dec 31, 2007 2:03 pm
by ken worley on Sun Apr 20, 2008 10:56 am
Based on the success(apparently 
) of "velociraptor"...
"Two words: Jurassic. Pork."
) of "velociraptor"...
"Two words: Jurassic. Pork."
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ken worley - King of the Pervs
- Posts: 3363
- Joined: Sun Dec 17, 2006 11:10 pm
- Location: Fortress of Squalitude
by PantyGnawer on Sun Apr 20, 2008 11:13 am
Stolen from Family Guy
Mmmmmm, you smell like the bottom of my Mamma's purse.
That one actually worked for me once.
Mmmmmm, you smell like the bottom of my Mamma's purse.
That one actually worked for me once.
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PantyGnawer - Spam Bob Grill Pants
- Posts: 4481
- Joined: Sat Mar 10, 2007 9:17 pm
- Location: Ask yer Mom.
by ~NoodleDemon~ on Sun Apr 20, 2008 3:40 pm
Hey, how about we go and calculate some prime numbers?
In the back of my car?
Please?
In the back of my car?
Please?
I hope you're on the recieving end of an improbability equation wherein something happens to you that's as unlikely as Rob Schneider winning a best actor Oscar on the same day Michael Jackson single handedly captures Osama Bin Laden. ~ Rainswept
O.K. Everything else is just stuff you do while you are waiting to have sex. Sin. WoE. ~ Warlord of Elephants
O.K. Everything else is just stuff you do while you are waiting to have sex. Sin. WoE. ~ Warlord of Elephants
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~NoodleDemon~ - Brewmeister
- Posts: 1936
- Joined: Fri Nov 09, 2007 11:10 am
- Location: Southern NJ.
by Dr Dagger on Sun Apr 20, 2008 3:42 pm
Why are you running away from me?
Would you like to drink baileys out of an old boot?
Wanna go to a club where people pee on each other?
Would you like to drink baileys out of an old boot?
Wanna go to a club where people pee on each other?
Signed Dr Dagger, The Yorkshire Ripper
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Dr Dagger - Tortellini Third Mate
- Posts: 317
- Joined: Fri Dec 14, 2007 3:45 am
- Location: Yorkshire
by ~NoodleDemon~ on Sun Apr 20, 2008 4:09 pm
Hey, baby, I love you for your mind. All those beautiful neuron networks, all those artistic electrical pathways, those beautiful breasts...
...
No, you must not have heard me right, *slap*
...
No, you must not have heard me right, *slap*
I hope you're on the recieving end of an improbability equation wherein something happens to you that's as unlikely as Rob Schneider winning a best actor Oscar on the same day Michael Jackson single handedly captures Osama Bin Laden. ~ Rainswept
O.K. Everything else is just stuff you do while you are waiting to have sex. Sin. WoE. ~ Warlord of Elephants
O.K. Everything else is just stuff you do while you are waiting to have sex. Sin. WoE. ~ Warlord of Elephants
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~NoodleDemon~ - Brewmeister
- Posts: 1936
- Joined: Fri Nov 09, 2007 11:10 am
- Location: Southern NJ.
by Moral Minority on Mon Apr 21, 2008 3:34 am
Am I glad to see you, or did I neglect to take my bipolarity meds again?
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Moral Minority - Prophet of Pastafarianism
- Posts: 5629
- Joined: Sun Jul 01, 2007 5:51 pm
- Location: Follow the trail of smoldering bodies.
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