Intelligent Falling: A new challenge for Pastafarians

[sing4pasta]

Just like Biology is enlightened by theories of Intelligent Design, Physics is now being illuminated by theories of Intelligent Falling (http://www.theonion.com/content/node/39512.

We certainly wouldn't want Flying Spaghetti Monsterism excluded from discussions of Intelligent Falling and related curriculum. Pastafarians should insist our views receive equal time and attention, but...

What is our church's explanation of Intelligent Falling? Please excuse my ignorance; I'm just not sure where to look for scripture on gravity.

I'm guessing things fall and accelerate as they approach Earth because they were created by the FSM in His image. And, everyone knows what happens if you drop a bowl of spaghetti and meatballs.

However, perhaps this is really more a matter of pirates and buried treasure. Perhaps all objects secretly long to please pirates by becoming buried treasure, and thus strive to become subterranean. I suppose they accelerate because they become increasingly excited about pleasing pirates by joining the Holy Realm of Buried Treasure.

What is the Pastafarian dogma on Intelligent Falling?

[Moral Minority]

I have a friend whom I consider a heretic to Pastafarianism, because he believes that FSM resides in the centre of the Earth and holds us down with His Noodly Appendage. This is why we do not float into space (gravity is a myth, btw).

This heresy might be true after all. Time to amend our scripture.

[PantyGnawer]

He pushes us towards the ground with his noodly appendages. In the beginning there were fewer people and he was able to push harder on each individual, thus everyone was a midgit.

As population has grown we too all now grow taller.

[lordpunkmonk]

He pushes us towards the ground with his noodly appendages. In the beginning there were fewer people and he was able to push harder on each individual, thus everyone was a midgit.

As population has grown we too all now grow taller.

this is in fact the official stance on gravity for pastaferians