The Annual Academy Awards Fer Piratical Arts (The Jim Lads)

[pieces o'nine]

:: opening the envelope (which appears to be a different color, size, and paper than the previous ones, although that probably doesn't mean anything) Mayor Liversausage clears his throat and announces- ::

"And the winner is...Auntie Blackbeard! Come on up here, lass and give us a kiss--er--speech."

[black bart]

But Dave L, acceptance speech in hand, had already risen from his seat thinking he was going to win...a scuffle broke out between Auntie Blackbeard and Dave L. Insults were shouted and blows were thrown and the words 'Oy let go of me beard' were heard...then Dave L replied 'You bitch Blackbeard...that award was mine'...things would have turned ugly if some of the Black Spot's henchmen hadn't intervened to calm things down.

[pieces o'nine]

Tanguerra and pieces o'nine quickly escorted DaveL away from Black Spot's henchpeople, off to the Wench's Lounge to get his dress patched and straightened, and steam the wrinkles out if his parrot's feathers before the next award.

Meanwhile...

[Mad Willyum Bonney]

...Auntie BlackBeard cackled to the roaring and raucous assembly and said , ...

[Auntie Blackbeard]

..." Thank ye... dearies...I don't desoive this...*sniff*... I juss had a few good days is all ... I be thanking me makeup and whARRdrobe department...and to all ye that voted for me... yer relatives will be released in good time . And now I ... "

[ChowMein]

...also wish to take this tyme to thank Planky for me luverly beard...we traded potions axecidintly after a visit ...he took me bottle of facial cream and Oi got his bottle of hair growth potion #6 .

Oi shave it now and again to rid me self of ..."

[tanguerra]

unwanted advances from certain members of the public, but mostly, I let's it grow in all its magnificence!" Aunty BB stroked her glossy whiskers lovingly and not without a certain smug satisfaction evident in her demeanour.

There was a small disturbance at the back of the Municipal Hall as Captain DaveL was led back to his seat with the help of a few well timed cuffings by Pieces O Nine and some shoving and a hip and shoulder from Tanguerra to make a way through the boisterous and very badly behaved crowd.

Captain DaveL was still holding a pink hanky up to his eye as he took his seat.

"I was robbed!" he sobbed, but thankfully Pirgella was there to comfort him with her...

[Detective TurtleHolmes]

...Enormous bosom. DaveL made slight cooing noises as his head was thrust into her ample bosom, and stayed there for quite a while.

Many of the pirates in the assembly were getting rather raucous, as they all wanted to be in his place. But with a few well-placed blows by Pieces o' Nine and Tanguerra, they quietened down considerably. DaveL and Pirgella sat down in the same seat, with DaveL still sobbing. Although, it looked like he was faking.

Auntie Blackbeard swooped down off the stage and back to her seat, where surrounding pirates admired her award, and made subversive grabs to her rear.

Mayor Liversausage...

[black bart]

...was looking really worried by now and couldn't help a glance at the stump of his missing pinky wot he lost in previous kidnapping.

Meanwhile Auntie BB sat back and stroked her shiny award:

[The Black Spot]

Mayor Liversausage wiped lipstick from his cheek and straightened his tie.

"The next award," he began, "is the lemming award for the most notable - but suicidily short - posting career. The nominations are:

1. Tai-Chi
2. FSB
3. Iloveboobs
4. Some chap flogging viagrarrr

And the winner is...

[pieces o'nine]

:: the category and nominees announcement is met with catcalls, parrotcalls, assorted insults and snorts of derision from the audience ::

:: Black Spot's henchpeople, acting as Security for the event, cast a warning eye (one each) at the assembly to settle them back down ::

[Auntie Blackbeard]

The mayor continued...the winner of the lemming award goes to....Oh a tie between I love boobs and FSB , Taichi being disqualified for jumping ship in '06 .

.... Well.. no sightings from ILB or FSB ...The Academy accepts the award on their behalf . The trophy will be auctioned off on Arr-bay . All proceeds will go to the Pirate Pensioners Dry Docked Ship for retired pirates.

Now the nominees for most heaviest pirate accent ...

1 ChowMein
2 Cap'n Dan Da Hoale guy
3 E Raser
4 Mad Will Bonney
5 Griffen

And the winner is.....

[black bart]

E Razer!

E Razer stepped up to the mike and holding his Jim Lad aloft said:

Secret Services inquiring into this strange schooner which worth about 150.000 $
The owner is Franc Rouayrux from Louxemburg, but he do not know about Jellow-beings.
If you have news of these pirates( ????? pirate_fish ) please write to Procura della Repubblica of Tempio Pausania 07029 Sassari-Italy

People in the audience applauded and begged for more...'Tell us about the Swans' shouted one enthusiastic cove.

E Razer continued:

OK, one definition a the ideal pirate.
A pirate is everybody who understand how the world works, and is seeking his wealth,his fame, and above all his amusement, in other words his treasure, without any prejudice neither for men neither for institutions .
Because we are an elite, and our number decreased in the past centuries, the weather is becoming very hot and when the poles will be melted we will have new ice era.

Marvelous

[Detective TurtleHolmes]

Mayor Liversausage clapped E Razer off the stage.
E Razer sat back in his seat, looking rather pleased, and stroked his Jim Lad in an all-too affectionate way.

"Isn't he great? Give him a round of applause..."

Once the applause had slowed down, Mayor Liversausage gave a slight wave. Someone threw a bottle of rum at him. It veered off wildly and struck the large model Jim Lad at the back of the stage.

"And the next award is for the Most Grog Drunk In A Single Evening. The nominees are..."

[black bart]

Captain Cronan for draining Belgium

Black Bart for drinking 15 Captain's delights without paying

The Black Spot for winning 10 Yard of Ale contests in a row

Tanguerra for drinking Rowan Red Beard under the table (a lot of tea went down that night!)

Walktheplank for sucking all the rum out of his wig

Dave L for drinking his way through the Pirate World Cup

Cap'n Turtlehead for never actually sobering up, ever

...and the winner is...