What if I don't like beer?

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What if I don't like beer?

Postby c_felix on Mon Dec 24, 2007 10:07 am

What happens if I make it to heaven? I don't like beer, never have, and probably never will. What will happen to me? :cry:

Will I eventually find a Dr. Pepper volcano?
Perhaps a Mt. Dew Volcano?
Maybe even A Steak and Shake Chocolate Milkshake Volcano?

---Maybe even Root Beer---?

Will I eventually find a volcano to my liking up there?
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Postby pieces o'nine on Mon Dec 24, 2007 10:13 am

psssst Felix: at least ask for *root* beer.
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Postby SandyHook on Mon Dec 24, 2007 10:31 am

We Pastararians aren't really hung up on dogma. Also the FSM did not reveal himself to Bobby, Pasta be upon his plate, until a couple of years ago. So I'm thinking that the beer volcano is only a metaphor all good drinky things. Me, I'm into wine.

My .02$ worth.
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Re: What if I don't like beer?

Postby E.Raser two on Mon Dec 24, 2007 5:33 pm

c_felix wrote:What happens if I make it to heaven? I don't like beer, never have, and probably never will. What will happen to me? :cry:



me too. I like Coca Cola.
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Postby Almighty Doer of Stuff on Wed Dec 26, 2007 2:31 am

See the FAQ in the Standards and Practices forum. Whatever beverage you want comes out of it. It's called the Beer Volcano because that's what came out of it when the FSM created it.
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Postby Cardinal Fang on Fri Dec 28, 2007 12:24 am

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Postby epictetus on Mon Jan 21, 2008 2:06 pm

Let me be the first to rebuke the and remonstrate against the blasphemous tolerance of heresy displayed here.

The illusion that anything other than strippers, beer, and spaghetti are required to provide everything for a happy successful afterlife simply ignores the evidence all around us.

Unintelligent Design(TM) requires that the FSM (may his sauce anoint your pasta) messed up the place, leaving out some components that most of us recognize as obvious requirements.

That's how Creationism works, folks! Don't be led astray by unbelievers! Didn't any of you study Intelligent Design in school? Duh!

As a member of the theological synod of reformed Pastafarian research and dissemination ad hoc committee on theoretical constructions and solipsistic explorations, I have conclusively proven sufficient that my heart believes that:

1. ONLY Strippers and Beer are up there in heaven.
2. The FSM messed up the design, so whatcha gonna do, huh?
3. Relax and enjoy it.
4. Bring your own pasta, because the FSM (kiss his meaty balls) won't like you just coming up and trying to stick your fork into him, okay?

We must rigorously promote our lax standards, and seriously contemplate maybe one day getting around to doing something about whatever isn't quite right. Thus I strenuous and immediate inaction to start at your earliest convenience.

In the name of the noodles, the balls, and the holy sauce,

RAmen

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Postby PantyGnawer on Mon Jan 21, 2008 2:43 pm

If you don't like beer then you are a goober.

FSM heaven will correct this for you. You will soon see that a good dark stout will correct your earthly misgivings.

Find yourself a good old Mackeson's tripple stout and learn to love it, or else heaven will be a dark place for you.

The almighty FSM doesn't take kindly to Beer pussies!


This being said, you can get a volcano for whatever beverage you choose in heaven. Just don't expect to have too many friends standing around the Dr. Pepper volcano.

Most of us will be over at the Guinness volcano with James Joyce. (If you can get past all the damn obscure literary allusions, he's a damn laugh riot)!
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Postby Clifford on Mon Jan 21, 2008 11:14 pm

Just because there's a beer volcano in heaven it doesn't mean there arn't other alcoholic beverages also.
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Postby c_felix on Tue Jan 22, 2008 3:28 am

Okay...its not that I don't like beer, its just that:

a) I don't like beer.
b) Alcoholic beverages and I don't mix well. I was in a car accident at the age of 15 and my head was all bashed apart. If I get too much alcohol in me (or pot, or nyquil) I could have a seizure. COULD being the key word. This is a limit I chose not to test.

So...uh...I'll stick by the Steak and Shake Chocolate Shake Volcano.
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Postby Mad Willyum Bonney on Tue Jan 22, 2008 5:08 am

Besides root beer there is also ginger beer...very good if ye like ginger that is .
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Postby KC Observer on Tue Jan 22, 2008 11:48 pm

Sorry Pirate Guy - You've got it all wrong. There is no beer snobery here. This has all been discussed long before. You don't have to like beer. Heck we'll accept you just so l;ong as you have flimsy moral standards!
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Postby Clifford on Wed Jan 23, 2008 7:48 pm

^ nicely said. All hail His Noodelyness!

:worship: :fsm_float:
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Postby PantyGnawer on Thu Jan 24, 2008 5:23 am

KC Observer wrote:Sorry Pirate Guy - You've got it all wrong. There is no beer snobery here. This has all been discussed long before. You don't have to like beer. Heck we'll accept you just so l;ong as you have flimsy moral standards!


There will be no beer snobbery in heaven because all crappy beer will be gone and all beer naysayers will be cured of their earthly misgivings.

But as long as I am still attached to this earthly realm, beer snobbery is fair game.
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Postby Pontius Pirate on Fri Jan 25, 2008 11:01 am

Surely there would be grog (Rum mixed with water)? I don't like rum and I love beer, but surely the ultimate pirate drink would be in heaven. Also, nothing like a full-bodied chianti to go with a pasta dish, so there's probably wine too.

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