Ransom note found
Noted celebrity and international superstar, Miss Piggy, is believed to be being held to ransom aboard an unnamed pirate vessel somewhere in the vicinity of Portsmouth dry dock after having disappeared from public view several days ago. A hastily scrawled (and very badly spelled) ransom note was found this morning nailed to the door of the Admiral Benbow, a notorious tavern in Portsmouth, known to be frequented by cutthroats and scoundrels of the worst order.
Local law enforcement officer Constable Timmins, said he was working on several leads in the case, but it was too soon to expect any major breakthroughs. "The note, demanding 2000 silver dubloons and a lifetime supply of hard tack was signed only with the initials 'TK'. We have started going through the telephone book questioning all local residents with these initials, but so far have drawn a blank" he said.
Miss Piggy's constant companion, Kermit the Frog, has been sedated and is in seclusion in his hotel suite. Mayor Liversausage was apopleptic when he was told the news. "These sorts of goings on are exactly what is destroying the tourist trade in Portsmouth!" he thundered. "If international celebrities are willing to grace us with their presence we should be throwing out the welcome mat and the red carpet, not threatening to cut them into little pieces!"
Concerned citizens with any useful information in the case are being asked to present themselves at the Portsmouth police station with suitable identification.