Swedes the Chosen People

Submit your scriptural writings for inclusion in the Loose Canon, and your tales of ancient FSM Lore, as well as any other FSM-related writing you may have.

Moderator: All Things Mods

swedish meatball
Conchigliette Convert
Posts: 1
Joined: Sun Aug 12, 2007 12:59 pm

Swedes the Chosen People

Postby swedish meatball » Sun Aug 12, 2007 1:18 pm

Since vikings are universally credited as the creators of the meatball, should no they be the chosen people of pastafarianism? Additionally, they can be considered the first true pirates, although the charm and wit of swashbuckling was developed much later. It could also then be interesting to make further inquires into what phenomenon explains the decreasing number of vikings.

Dan(da haole guy)
Vermicelli Vizier
Posts: 1122
Joined: Thu May 17, 2007 12:08 am
Location: under da wing of koloa nui

Postby Dan(da haole guy) » Sun Aug 12, 2007 7:03 pm

Aloha..only reason i can come up with for decreasing #s of Vikings is a new NFL smaller roster rule.. :D
KAULANA NA PUA A'O FSM..HANO HANO..FSM NO KA OI..

tek2
Conchigliette Convert
Posts: 3
Joined: Tue Aug 21, 2007 3:48 pm

Postby tek2 » Tue Aug 21, 2007 4:07 pm

Maybe the number of vikings decreased because they had a lot of Gods. We have our Great Balled Noodle :worship: , which is only one.

xvortexbladex
Conchigliette Convert
Posts: 4
Joined: Thu Nov 29, 2007 6:01 am
Location: the realm of AETHER

midgits

Postby xvortexbladex » Thu Nov 29, 2007 6:26 am

dont forget the Asians, they are the original midgits.
:mrgreen:
:worship: :fsm:
-----------------------------------------------------------
~*~*ALL PRAISE HIS NOODLY GOODNESS*~*~
Touched
by His Noodly Appendages since 11/21/07
~*~*XVORTEXBLADEX*~*~
-----------------------------------------------------------

User avatar
Clifford
Brewmeister
Posts: 1939
Joined: Tue Sep 11, 2007 4:50 am
Location: A Humble Student in Lunaticity

Re: Swedes the Chosen People

Postby Clifford » Thu Dec 27, 2007 10:45 pm

swedish meatball wrote:Since vikings are universally credited as the creators of the meatball, should no they be the chosen people of pastafarianism? Additionally, they can be considered the first true pirates, although the charm and wit of swashbuckling was developed much later. It could also then be interesting to make further inquires into what phenomenon explains the decreasing number of vikings.


How are they credited as creators of the meatball? I know that they were Pirates (learning history ... Vikings also invaded Normandy to settle there and become the Normans ... so in a sense England was invaded by Vikings twice) but Pirate existence appears to have come into being before Viking times in accordance with the Gospel. Furthermore, the traditional way of Pirate speech originates from Wiltshire after such an actor from Wiltshire stared in the first Pirate films ( I forget his name ...).

But in general it is Pirates who are His chosen people - not Vikings alone. I just so happens that Vikings were Pirates which make them part of His chosen people.
Clifford

By the power invested in me by tabloid-reading imbeciles, I name you a pedo-dog!

The Pedo-Finder General

RAmen

User avatar
Moral Minority
Prophet of Pastafarianism
Posts: 5629
Joined: Sun Jul 01, 2007 5:51 pm
Location: Follow the trail of smoldering bodies.
Contact:

Re: midgits

Postby Moral Minority » Fri Dec 28, 2007 1:05 am

xvortexbladex wrote:dont forget the Asians, they are the original midgits.
:mrgreen:
:worship: :fsm:


Har har.

epictetus
Ziti Zealot
Posts: 18
Joined: Thu Jan 03, 2008 6:05 pm

1st pirates not Vikings!!!

Postby epictetus » Thu Jan 03, 2008 6:13 pm

From your early school years when you eagerly read the original Latin histories, you will recall that one of the early deeds of the young pasta eating Pompey was to rid the Mediterranean of pirates.

This supports the Italian claim on being the chosen people, but scholars are still divided. After all, if Pompey were an early pastafarian, then why would he martyr pirates?

In the name of the noodles, the balls, and the holy sauce,

RAmen.

Reverend Doctor Epictetus, Th.D.

User avatar
Pirate Terramort
Tortellini Third Mate
Posts: 359
Joined: Wed Oct 31, 2007 2:17 am
Location: Wimer
Contact:

Postby Pirate Terramort » Sat Jan 05, 2008 1:32 am

Pompey had all the qualities of a believer in the FSM, even displaying qualities of the FSM himself. For example, he had clear geniousness, but occasional bad judgment. (Probably after he drank a little too much rum)

However, later in his life, (probably around 68 B.C.) Pompey gave up Pastafariansim. In 67 B.C., he received his orders to hunt down the Pirates in the Mediterranean. This command was clearly polemic in its nature. (Meaning: the practice the disputing of religious or philosophical matters)

However, there are still evidences that he holds true to his Pastafarian upbringing. "Pompey made his preparations for the war at the end of the winter, entered upon it at the commencement of spring, and finished it in the middle of the summer." This shows that he began war at the end of the Holiday, following (at least partly) the belief of the FSM.

It is my firmest belief that Pompey started out as a believer in the FSM, but, for unknown reasons, became an atheist. Perhaps, if his beliefs had not been altered, the world would be accepting of the Flying Spaghetti Monster today.

All hail the FSM! :worship: :fsm_float:

epictetus
Ziti Zealot
Posts: 18
Joined: Thu Jan 03, 2008 6:05 pm

Postby epictetus » Tue Jan 08, 2008 9:55 pm

To Terramont,

Your learned position on the always controversial status of Pompey's pastafarianism is welcome.

Indeed, we can all wonder what the world would be today if only Pompey had not been killed at Alexandria, and the library burnt.

Certainly, the original books that were later mistranslated as the King James Bible would be useful in that they would have laid out the Flying Spaghetti Monster's (blessed be his holy sauce) role in the creation of the universe.

Rev. Dr. Epictetus

User avatar
Pirate Terramort
Tortellini Third Mate
Posts: 359
Joined: Wed Oct 31, 2007 2:17 am
Location: Wimer
Contact:

Postby Pirate Terramort » Wed Jan 09, 2008 6:25 am

Many believe, as I do, that the Library of Alexandria held many texts concerning the Flying Spaghetti Monster. There have been many proposed theories concerning the destruction of the Library, but most involve destruction by zealous religions-either by Christian or Muslim. The Library may have been destroyed out of jealously, hatred, or both.
Sincerely,
Drew Anderson, Th. D.
Captain of the Birthday Massacre
High Magus of the Wise Council of World Pasta

If you love someone, set them free. If they return to you, put several 8 inch blades into their head. If they return again, then run.... Just RUN.

1st Nautilus 4:4 " For, in the words of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, “Don’t be a bitch. It’s not nice.” "

User avatar
pieces o'nine
Look Upon Her Works, Ye Migyt, and Despair!
Posts: 8615
Joined: Fri Dec 21, 2007 9:21 am
Location: Ocean o'Sand
Contact:

Postby pieces o'nine » Wed Jan 09, 2008 10:01 am

Don't forget the 'unreleased' scroll translations from Nag Hamadi...
I will honor Monkey in my heart, and try to keep it all the year.
~Charles "Darwin" Dickens

User avatar
Clifford
Brewmeister
Posts: 1939
Joined: Tue Sep 11, 2007 4:50 am
Location: A Humble Student in Lunaticity

Postby Clifford » Tue Jan 15, 2008 5:39 pm

I think the Dead Sea Scrolls told us about the FSM, but they were destroyed because no one liked the truth.
Clifford

By the power invested in me by tabloid-reading imbeciles, I name you a pedo-dog!

The Pedo-Finder General

RAmen

Mongo of the North
Ziti Zealot
Posts: 10
Joined: Tue Dec 18, 2007 9:15 pm
Contact:

Postby Mongo of the North » Wed Jan 16, 2008 3:49 am

Clifford wrote:I think the Dead Sea Scrolls told us about the FSM, but they were destroyed because no one liked the truth.


I thought the dead see scrolls were written on parchment made from reprocessed noodles and were written in sauce. My understanding is that the dead sea fishermen who found them actually ate them because...well the sea was dead and fish sales were down significantly.

User avatar
Angel Hair Pasta of Death
Maccheroncelli Missionary
Posts: 31
Joined: Sun Jan 13, 2008 9:10 pm
Location: New York
Contact:

Postby Angel Hair Pasta of Death » Wed Jan 16, 2008 9:49 am

They have to be the chosen people, because my school's mascot is the Viking.
Image
Image
Bobby and I technically share a server! I feel famous!
Also known as BrandMan211, or MP (Short for MP Pirate, which is short for Mini Pink Pirate).

epictetus
Ziti Zealot
Posts: 18
Joined: Thu Jan 03, 2008 6:05 pm

Postby epictetus » Mon Jan 21, 2008 1:54 pm

Angel Hair Pasta of Death, you are sadly the result of an educational system that does not emphasize intelligent design.

When the FSM (praise his meaty balls) created you with the assistance of your mommy's pee pee and his noodley appendage, he intended you for far greater things.

Yet, as is sadly the case with so many impressionable youngsters today, you were led astray from true Pastafarianism.


javascript:emoticon(':cry:')
Crying


Since I am truly devoted to always maintaining the highest of lax standards, I'll pray for you to give up the Swedish Meat Ball heresy, and return to the loving tentacles of your creator.

I suggest that you follow ancient teachings and observe our holy day, Monday, by not going to school. Doesn't the Second Book of Recipes, chapter 64, verse 16 clearly lay out the sanctity of our Monday, when truly we must recover from our busy weekends?

This is the path to your salvation, little brother.

Now, recite twenty RAmens, and the Pirate Cannon in its entirety.

In the name of the noodles, the balls, and the holy sauce,

RAmen

Reverend Doctor Epictetus, Th.D.


Return to “Scripture and Lore”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest

cron