Picking your nose and other evils, privacy in close quarters

[DaveL]

Lads,

Being cooped up in close quarters can be a right pain at the best of times. Bein stuck on a ship with no privacy sometimes introduces a few issues that require some covert actions to ensure you don't annoy your cabin mates.

Oi wuz wunderin' if yer had any tips for werkin' in close quarters. If yer need to 'scratch yer nether regions' or 'let off a few trouserly emissions' what's the best way to do it?

The world of confined quarters is a realm of invention for the clever pirate.

What be yer tips?

[The Black Spot]

Arrr, there be a particularly gassy crewman on me ship - Otis Chuffer. Confined spaces be a problem wi' someone like 'im on board.

When I hears the warnin' signs (his stomach starts makin' noises like a gallon o' treacle goin' down a plughole) I orders Otis straight up to the crow's nest. This serves a dual purpose - it prevents our noses from rottin' away, an' 'ee makes a handy foghorn when it be misty. I also ensures that 'ee faces the direction o' travel.

I'd better stop at this point afore I ends up writin' another far-fetched tale instead.

[black bart]

ARRRR...arter a round o Fish Head Stew for the whole crew, thar be nowt for it but to order every man jack o em over board. Keeps the air on board fresh, but turns the ocean into a rather pungent jacussi!

[DaveL]

YArrrr...

I quite like to let off the cannons after a night on the curry. The smell of gun powder and extra noise masks it quite well.

[walktheplank]

aye we were 20 miles off the coast an quite safe I thought, then Slippery Smallballs me wizzened old navigator let off a belch that the navy thought was cannon fire and within the hour we had two of the blaggards on our tails.

He blamed it on some dodgy dates picked up from a Moroccan Bazaar, we'll keep him on the ship when we dock at foreign ports in future.

[The Black Spot]

He blamed it on some dodgy dates picked up from a Moroccan Bazaar...

Aye. I's picked something up after a dodgy date in Morocco too.

[DaveL]

YArrrrrr...

Do yer mean that 'applause disease'? I still can't hear it meself.

The Cabin Boy caught me undertakin a major excavation on me left nostril one time. I had to tell him that me 'inner nasal passage was itchy and Oi wuz tryin to scratch it.'

He didn't believe me, so I had to bribe him to keep him quiet. This was after he started saying stuff like 'Dave's a boogy picker' really loud. The little bugger, the next time I catch him doin sumthin untoward, there will be hell to pay.

[Pachyderm]

Oi solves all the problems by being the biggest, nastiest pirate on board.

Course weighin' a couple o' ton, and 'aving two whackin' great skewers attached ter me gob 'elps.

An' if'n Oi lets rip arter a night on the grog an' a helping o' stoo, who is gonna give me grief? Oi is the Cap'n, see. It be moi ship, an' Oi'll farrrgght if Oi want to...

If we be in port, I just blames the nearest nav-ee bods, an' they gets the doin'.

[The Black Spot]

An' if'n Oi lets rip arter a night on the grog an' a helping o' stoo, who is gonna give me grief? Oi is the Cap'n, see. It be moi ship, an' Oi'll farrrgght if Oi want to...

Arrr... I forsees a trip in an open boat comin' yer way.

[DaveL]

YArrrrr...

Forget the seabreeze Pachy. Just point yerself towards the mainsail.

[Pachyderm]

Never been caught in the Doldrums, me. Burnt through a few sails in me time, loike.

[DaveL]

YArrrr...

That'll teach ye to smoke a pipe while you are auto-sailing!

[Pachyderm]

Oi doesn't smoke it no more. Some blaggard mixed gunpowder in wif me 'baccy.

[DaveL]

Can any of yers tell me the best way to let off a big belch without scarin the tavern wenches?

It's hard enuff letting off a few 'trouser-air-biscuits' in mixed company, let alone burpin'.

[The Black Spot]

Can any of yers tell me the best way to let off a big belch without scarin the tavern wenches?

I finds that a suffishently loud fart covers it up nicely.