Picking your nose and other evils, privacy in close quarters

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Picking your nose and other evils, privacy in close quarters

Postby DaveL on Mon Aug 06, 2007 5:15 am

Lads,

Being cooped up in close quarters can be a right pain at the best of times. Bein stuck on a ship with no privacy sometimes introduces a few issues that require some covert actions to ensure you don't annoy your cabin mates.

Oi wuz wunderin' if yer had any tips for werkin' in close quarters. If yer need to 'scratch yer nether regions' or 'let off a few trouserly emissions' what's the best way to do it?

The world of confined quarters is a realm of invention for the clever pirate.

What be yer tips?
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Postby The Black Spot on Mon Aug 06, 2007 11:20 am

Arrr, there be a particularly gassy crewman on me ship - Otis Chuffer. Confined spaces be a problem wi' someone like 'im on board.

When I hears the warnin' signs (his stomach starts makin' noises like a gallon o' treacle goin' down a plughole) I orders Otis straight up to the crow's nest. This serves a dual purpose - it prevents our noses from rottin' away, an' 'ee makes a handy foghorn when it be misty. I also ensures that 'ee faces the direction o' travel.

I'd better stop at this point afore I ends up writin' another far-fetched tale instead.
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Postby black bart on Mon Aug 06, 2007 4:40 pm

ARRRR...arter a round o Fish Head Stew for the whole crew, thar be nowt for it but to order every man jack o em over board. Keeps the air on board fresh, but turns the ocean into a rather pungent jacussi!
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Postby DaveL on Mon Aug 06, 2007 9:10 pm

YArrrr...

I quite like to let off the cannons after a night on the curry. The smell of gun powder and extra noise masks it quite well.
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Postby walktheplank on Tue Aug 07, 2007 6:37 am

aye we were 20 miles off the coast an quite safe I thought, then Slippery Smallballs me wizzened old navigator let off a belch that the navy thought was cannon fire and within the hour we had two of the blaggards on our tails.

He blamed it on some dodgy dates picked up from a Moroccan Bazaar, we'll keep him on the ship when we dock at foreign ports in future.
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Postby The Black Spot on Tue Aug 07, 2007 7:26 am

walktheplank wrote:He blamed it on some dodgy dates picked up from a Moroccan Bazaar...


Aye. I's picked something up after a dodgy date in Morocco too.
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Postby DaveL on Tue Aug 07, 2007 5:09 pm

YArrrrrr...

Do yer mean that 'applause disease'? I still can't hear it meself.

The Cabin Boy caught me undertakin a major excavation on me left nostril one time. I had to tell him that me 'inner nasal passage was itchy and Oi wuz tryin to scratch it.'

He didn't believe me, so I had to bribe him to keep him quiet. This was after he started saying stuff like 'Dave's a boogy picker' really loud. The little bugger, the next time I catch him doin sumthin untoward, there will be hell to pay.
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Postby Pachyderm on Tue Aug 07, 2007 6:22 pm

Oi solves all the problems by being the biggest, nastiest pirate on board.

Course weighin' a couple o' ton, and 'aving two whackin' great skewers attached ter me gob 'elps.

An' if'n Oi lets rip arter a night on the grog an' a helping o' stoo, who is gonna give me grief? Oi is the Cap'n, see. It be moi ship, an' Oi'll farrrgght if Oi want to...

If we be in port, I just blames the nearest nav-ee bods, an' they gets the doin'.
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Postby The Black Spot on Tue Aug 07, 2007 6:49 pm

Pachyderm wrote:An' if'n Oi lets rip arter a night on the grog an' a helping o' stoo, who is gonna give me grief? Oi is the Cap'n, see. It be moi ship, an' Oi'll farrrgght if Oi want to...


Arrr... I forsees a trip in an open boat comin' yer way.
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Postby DaveL on Wed Aug 08, 2007 5:38 am

YArrrrr...

Forget the seabreeze Pachy. Just point yerself towards the mainsail.
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Postby Pachyderm on Wed Aug 08, 2007 8:46 pm

Never been caught in the Doldrums, me. Burnt through a few sails in me time, loike.
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Postby DaveL on Thu Aug 09, 2007 6:58 am

YArrrr...

That'll teach ye to smoke a pipe while you are auto-sailing!
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Postby Pachyderm on Thu Aug 09, 2007 10:53 am

Oi doesn't smoke it no more. Some blaggard mixed gunpowder in wif me 'baccy.
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Postby DaveL on Fri Aug 10, 2007 5:10 am

Can any of yers tell me the best way to let off a big belch without scarin the tavern wenches?

It's hard enuff letting off a few 'trouser-air-biscuits' in mixed company, let alone burpin'.
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Postby The Black Spot on Fri Aug 10, 2007 6:37 am

DaveL wrote:Can any of yers tell me the best way to let off a big belch without scarin the tavern wenches?


I finds that a suffishently loud fart covers it up nicely.
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