The Continuous Salty Tale

[DaveL]

(oops...ey be respondin' to me own here...bleedin time Aussie time zone)

...for it is located right under this neon sign say Buried Treasure here. Can't you read? Then following the removal of one of his two eye patches, Hossenfeffer did read the great revelation. Shiver me timbers he cried...

[Qwertyuiopasd]

..."tis a kings ransom! or at least a princes allowance." stunned, Hossenfefer looked at all the booty, it was wonderous, it was magnificent, it was...

[beagle]

...A huge gold filing cabinet, with hundreds of drawers. He were an openin one at random. It were stuffed , with folders, old crisp packets and bits of fluff. He started a-reading some of the labels on the folders:

"Current fax number of Amelia Erhart"
"Beethoven Symphonies, numbers 10 to 35"
"The Hitlers - photo-montage at their lovely Aspen home"
"H.M. Government Public Record Office - Cabinet discussions on WMD in Iraq , best lost till 2050"
"Bill Clinton's little black book, volumes 1 - 45"
"Where's the Jerk - The Secret Diary of Condoleeza Rice"
"The Gay Guide to the Vatican"
"My part in Barbarossa - by the Pope" *
"The Hollywood list of closet Republicans"
"Westminster Police Department - Domestic incidents at numbers 10/11 Downing Street"

Arr, this be worth a bit thought the capn, then right at the bottom he saw one entitled:

"The Secret Fundy conspiracy"

He pulled out the tattered brown folder and a started to read...



---------------------
* Just to annoy DeadPoet

[DaveL]

**Yarr that be a hell of a good bibliography there Beagle, OK back to the story**

...'Science: Let's dumb it down - How to make it less clever, so that it's consistent with our teachings.'

And Hossenfeffer did cough and gag and the brown book. Yarrrr what the...

[beagle]

... devil be these varmint's a-plannin. He bounded (ok hopped) down the beach, a-yellin to his crew "Avast there lads, we've got a new mission".

At anchor in the bay lay moored a fine new vessel 300ft from stern to poinyt-bit, 100ft from deck to crows nest, whittled out of coconut shells and palm trees. It were havin rather more, swimmin pools, gothic towers an golf courses than were strictly normal on yer average pirate ship, but Hosenfeffer was in too much of a hurry to notice. "Not bad " he yelled to his crew as he lugged his new treasure up the gangplank, "weigh anchor"...

[DaveL]

...we're headin to the nearest port for a bit of rum and wenchin'. For me mind be quite troubled about the events unfoldin' at oi' need to plan me next attack. YARRRR!"

The his coconut galleon did sail forth to the Isle of Hispanola where he docked his vessel. And the crew did thus head to the rum house for a bit of (YARRR!!)...

[Qwertyuiopasd]

...grog 'n' wenches. they had a lovely time, if lovely is the right word for pirates, anyhoo. when they were finished, they went back to the boat. on their way Captian Hossenfefer described their mission.

"well lads, it be seemin' thart them fundies are-a trying to take o'er thar world. an' we just canna let that happen..."

but as they turned the corner into the dock, they saw that their boat had been toilet papered.

"FSM BLAST IT! WHO THE RUDDY 'ELL DID THIS...

[beagle]

... were it capn Flint, who lost a leg to crocs, after we left him tied up naked in the everglades on 'is stag night, Were it capn Ahab, who'd been in a foul mood ever since catching Moby Dick, or...

[beagle]

... scene, and out of the corner of his eye, he saw a distant terrified figure running erratically towards him down the quay , taking huge bounds, tripping, then jumping again to his feet as if the devil were at his heels. As his bosun approached Hosenfeffer felt an icy grip close round his heart. "Yarrrr, Spit it out man. What's wrong" he said as the exhausted man collapsed in front of him. The bosun stared up at the capn with a despairing look of total horror. Finally he caught his breath and managed to gasp out, "Your ex-wife is aboard sir" ...

[DaveL]

...remember. The fundy wife you left behind from all those years ago to sail the seven seas.' Differences in opinions were a prime reason for their split.

YARRRRRR!!!!!! YARRRRRR!!!!! YARRRRR!!! were the cries - and that was just the parrot. The whole crew did thus scream much louder and longer. Hossenfeffer himself was doubled up in pain.

For this woman ('Panda' be her name) was a paid up member of the Discovery Institute the most...

[beagle]

...ironically named organisation since...

[fusiontortellini]

. . . the Department of Homeland Security.

Pandas tongue had grown longer and more pointed, and were those iron spikes on the forked end?

Perhaps differences of opinion hadn't been the prime reason; perhaps the regular floggings had simply become no fun anymore.

The crew, while writhing in agony, were covertly writhing more closely to Panda, as Hossenfeffer bravely sacrificed himself to draw her attention, and the parrot dive-bombed her head.

[DaveL]

...which was Irreducibly Complex, like her personality or lack thereof.

Following a savage mauling by SFM the Parrot. Panda did flee on her evil galleon, the SS Dumbke, laden with high school text books to sell in the schools afar.

And before SS Dumbke could make it past the headland, Hossenfeffer's cannoneers (not canoneers) opened up on the evil galleon, sending Panda and her crew to the bottom. YARRRRR screamed the lads, we...

[beagle]

...'s saved the capn a fortune in maintenance payments, Yarr reckon it'll be rum all round tonight, and indeed it were, with the capn becoming tired and emotional and surprisin 'em all with a viewing of his hornpipe. Meanwhile...

[DaveL]

...did decree to the lads his plans. He also used the opportunity to throw away a few wedding presents Panda had forced him to keep. "Yarrr I never did like plaid socks he snarled"

A great armada of fundy war vessels would need to be sunk before the kiddies of the world were safe.

And their next first mission was to sink the galleon the SS Wedge, skippered by Hossenfeffer's evil nemesis Cap'n Brucey Chap-person. For The Wedge was a galleon to be feared. It had many cannons, sendin many ships to the bottom of the ocean.

And it was belived that SS Wedge was moored at Kingston takin' on supplies of ID books, and prim and proper wenches.

Yarrrr lads hoist the main sail lads, we're bound for Kingston harbour...