10,000 (more) Commandments

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Postby PantyGnawer on Mon Jul 16, 2007 12:18 am

9938: Thou shalt come up with more commandments or else this is going to take a really long time.
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Postby Land Shark on Mon Jul 16, 2007 12:22 am

9937: Thou shalt not even hint to thy children that thee and thy spouse still have sex.

9936: Thou shalt muck out thy living quarters occationally when thee hath aquired too much junk.
I became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity. -Edgar Allan Poe
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Postby ke_mikiao on Mon Jul 16, 2007 11:10 am

9935: If thou loseth a game to a child, thou shalt not pretend to have gone easy upon the child.

9934: If thou playeth games via internet, thou shalt NOT tell everyone, repeatedly, how "stoned" you are.

9933: Thou shall not use video game victories on a job application. (know a guy that does this)

9932: Thou shall love bacon in all forms. For all things are better with bacon.
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Postby SpaghettiSawUs on Mon Jul 16, 2007 11:11 am

9931 If thou purchaseth a computer, thou shall make sure thou has a frickin clue how to use it.

9930 If thou should visiteth the fora thou shall enter there into a dialogue. Thus shalt thou avoid the label "troll" which may be justifiably assigned to thee if thou dost not enter into the spirit of things honestly.

9929 Thou mayest call the plural of forum either "forums" or "fora" however thou mayest chooseth. None should berate thee for thine preference. If they dost berate thee for thine preference thou may goest on an on about it for as long as thou preferest.

9928 Whenever thou runnest the microsoft operating system thou shall be sure to avoid the newest release until at least the pack of service which is numbered "2" shall be available. And even then thou shouldst proceedeth with much caution.

9927 If thou should ignorest commanment 9928 and thou findest thyself in the place of much wailing and gnashing of teeth thou has onlythyself to blame. Any who laugheth at thy stupidity is certainly much justified in their humour, and laughter is a pleasing aroma to my nostrils.

9926 If thou runnest the GNU/Linux operating system thou art indeed enlightened. let not your enlightenment goeth to thine head as thou endeth up looking and sounding like a twat.

9925 If thou art set upon by hoodlums thou may smacketh their teeth in to the best of thy ability. Though thou mayest hope and pray for thine deliverance by the protectors which are called "police", thou should takest all action thou can in the interim, and beateth the idiots into kingdom come. A kicking for a bully is a pleasing odour.

9924 Thine children may grow up to do and be what they wisheth. It s a sign of wisom unto you that thou leadest not their lives for them. If they wisheth muchly for that which thee denyeth them, they shalt be likely to rebel against thee and do it anyway. Tis better to communicate with thine children ad share with them thine wisdom and guidance.

9923 If thine children are idiots thou shalt not seek to bring them onto the box which is called "television", in the program which is called Jerry Springer, or Jeremy Kile or any other program which encourageth sad low-life's to aireth their dirty washing in public.

9922 If thou art stupid, admit it. This is the first step to casting off stupidity. He who is stupid yet admideth it not be condemneth to eternal stupidity.
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Postby St John the Blasphemist on Tue Jul 31, 2007 3:59 am

9921: When thou art chided at work for something which art not thou fault, thou shalt maintain thy composure whilst thy supervisor screams at you, then thou shalt look at them with a cool, calm, collected, and unperturbed attitude on thy face and explain how the situation cameth into being. Then thou shalt give a smug half-smile with one of thy eyebrows raised when thou heareth them say "Oh."

9920: Thou shalt not get overly smug about it though, for this may cause the supervisor to bringeth retribution upon thee--especially when thy supervisor is on thy resume as one of thy referees and thou contract has nearly expireth'd.
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Intelligence: What stupid people think they have lots of.
Stupidity: What intelligent people wish they had less of.

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9919

Postby black bart on Tue Jul 31, 2007 5:34 am

9919: If thou buggereth something up at work, thou shalt be ready with the answer...verily it was already like that.

9918: If thou tippest they drink upon thy keyboard, tellest thy boss that thou canst washeth it under the tap (it worked for me).
The smoke wafted gently in the breeze across the poop deck and all seemed right in the world.
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Postby xinjinbei on Tue Jul 31, 2007 6:47 am

9917: Thou shall not inhale pasta through bong.
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Postby St John the Blasphemist on Tue Jul 31, 2007 8:26 am

9916: Thou shalt not put pasta in the bong in the first place, for bongwater flavoured pasta be-eth an abomination.

9915: Thou shalt spell 'shall' in its archaic form 'shalt'.
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Intelligence: What stupid people think they have lots of.
Stupidity: What intelligent people wish they had less of.

I want you to know that everything I did, I did for my country.
- Pol Pot

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Postby Rainswept on Tue Jul 31, 2007 8:26 am

9914: Thou shalt not pick thy nose at intersections. People can see thee sitting in thine car.
I believe it's time for mankind to set aside the crutch of religion and embrace morality born of reason and truth. Those crutches have long since proven treacherous when the ground gets slippery.
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Postby black bart on Tue Jul 31, 2007 9:33 am

9913: Thou shalt not pick thine nose at all...unless ye be Michael jackson!
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Postby farfalla on Tue Jul 31, 2007 10:04 am

9912: Thou shalt stand naked long before thine own reflection before even considering the wearing of spandex.
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Postby St John the Blasphemist on Wed Aug 01, 2007 5:05 am

9911: Thou shalt not speak to phone salespeople in English or Indian. Thou shalt say stupid things, such as "your shoes taste delicious" or "I am a postoffice", to them in a language they nay understand, such as Japanese, Maori, or Esperanto.
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Intelligence: What stupid people think they have lots of.
Stupidity: What intelligent people wish they had less of.

I want you to know that everything I did, I did for my country.
- Pol Pot

Check out St JtB's MySpace page here!!
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Postby farfalla on Wed Aug 01, 2007 9:15 am

9910 Though shalt honor the Internet and the Fortran that came before it
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Postby Rev. Rowan Redbeard on Wed Aug 01, 2007 9:16 pm

9909: Thou shalt always remember that any or all of these ten thousand commandments may be wrong.

9908 Thou shalt always remember that there is an exception to every rule, and that this is the exception to 9909.
—Captain the Reverend Lord C.S. Rowan, Lord of Glencoe, Minister of Pastafarianism, Gentleman Pirate

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The poster takes no responsibility for any offense taken where none was meant.
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Postby Dan(da haole guy) on Wed Aug 01, 2007 11:00 pm

9907: thou shalt eschew "thou"s and "shalt"s in the other fora or thou shalt surely be regarded as a pedantic fuckwit..& thy progeny shall shun thee like the plague..
KAULANA NA PUA A'O FSM..HANO HANO..FSM NO KA OI..
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