Pirates and Equal Opportunities

[black bart]

Personally I don't encourage that sort of behaviour on board my ship...<shouts from outside Bart's cabin: "Cap'n, Cap'n good news Cap'n we've just taken delivery from the Kleenex Supply Ship the SS Ocean Tosser..." > Yes, er yes, very good Bosun ...I'm expecting a lot of colds and flu on this voyage, er...

[walktheplank]

yarr if it is a charity mebbe it can fund a care home for old Pirates, yer know we are not gitting any younger and when our legs get wood rot an fall off an yer hook git rusty we will need someone to look after us.

[OZ_Nick]

Yaaarrr! That be a goode idea there matey, we jest need ter inshoore that thye nurses look moore loike Pirgella than Big Brenda....

[DaveL]

YArrrr...

As long as Eunice O'Hare doesn't get a job in a hospital. That girl will cause more injuries than heal people.

[black bart]

I've come down with a nasty cold so I will be locking myself in my cabin until further notice...

[The Black Spot]

I've come down with a nasty cold so I will be locking myself in my cabin until further notice...

Arrrr... the newsagent's 'ad a new delivery o' magazines, 'as 'ee?

[black bart]

I've come down with a nasty cold so I will be locking myself in my cabin until further notice...

Arrrr... the newsagent's 'ad a new delivery o' magazines, 'as 'ee?

Er...Yes, quite right...the usual subscriptions: National Geographic, Top Mast monthly, Circumnavigator's Monthly, Pirate's Health, Peglegged monthly, Ahoy (full o pics o Victoriaaaarrgh Beckham as bleedin usual, even Knuckles throws them away), Cabinboy...

<Shout from outside door> "Cap'n, Cap'n as ye seen this months copy of 'Wobblin Wonder Wenches'...or 'Westward Ho Wangers?"

[The Black Spot]

Aye matey. I only has a subscription fer Wobbly Wenches 'cos I likes the crossword.

[black bart]

Aye you be roight thar, and Westward Ho Wangers has a delightful section on sea fishing from an Open Boat with only the string from your underpants and a carefully whittled toe nail clipping.

[The Black Spot]

Arrrr.... I coulda done wi' that issue a while back. There I were, cast adrift in an open boat thousands o' miles from anywhere. There were a length o' stout rope in the boat, so I had a go at shark fishin' wi' me cabin boy as bait.

Ye think a Christmas turkey lasts a long time? Try workin' yer way through a 20' Great White.

[black bart]

AARRRRRRRR...Ye must ave been livin on Great White Gristle sandwiches for months!

[The Black Spot]

Aye. I think I be the only castaway 'oo looked healthier after an ordeal.

Still, back t' magazines. I be findin' that Wobbly Wenches be gettin' fewer pages, an half o' them be adverts fer premium rate semaphore lines. Be there any other decent wa -er- nature mags out there?

[DaveL]

YArrrr...

Oi used to loves readin' 'Rigger', the pirate naturalist magazine. Lots of pictures of pirates and wenches goin about their daily lives - completely nude.

I used to to love the photos of the captain at the wheel of his ship, or the bosun doin his work with his natural assets on show. Nature can be 'a most humbling experience' even for a pirate.

Unfortunately the deck hands used to flog 'em from me quarters. At best it stopped 'em from fighting.

[Dan(da haole guy)]

Arr-oha..dis bin long time ago, but we onna "Weeping Pustule" boarded a swank ship 'n' found "Jolly Tars and Their Spars"..com-pleat vol. 1/1 to da las' one vol.1/6.5..dey look li' pizza crusts..it were a werry 'umblin' experryance...took us 2 months uv heavy-dooty recuperatin' in da Port Royal knockin' shoppes to feel see-cure again...brrrrrr..now we no go nevvah down da dank, festerin' holds uv da ships wot we plunder..jus' a cawshun-arry tale, me bruddahs 'n' seestahs...

[black bart]

YArrrr...

I used to to love the photos of the captain at the wheel of his ship, or the bosun doin his work with his natural assets on show. Nature can be 'a most humbling experience' even for a pirate.

AARRRRRRRR...appen the Cap'n be lookin at a copy o 'Wobbly Wenches' whilst drivin...that would be far too dangerous fer a Pirate o my stature...the wheel spinning furiously could do untold damage to me...