Fun Stuff to Do When You're Bored

[ken worley]

No, you could get wigs, and trick mustaches(sic) from, I don't know, a yard sale at Ron Jeremy's house...

(Making the rule about growing real ones would be a gender-exclusionist rule.....I hope....)

[ken worley]

Dressed up like an extra from Deliverance, set up a driftwood stand on the sidewalk outside an office building.
Sit beside the stand, grinning like a maniac, holding a gas-powered line trimmer in one hand, and a beer in the other.
Around your neck hang a crudely-lettered sign which reads,
----"Brazillyun Wax- $1"---

Don't forget the 3-gallon glass jar on the counter of the stand that reads,
TIPS

[ken worley]

Go to the grocery store, and sit on the bench by customer service.
"Drop" a fake grocery list nearby, with normal items interspersed with things like
'coconut nipples',
'lg. jar hummingbird tongues',
'ground chicken feet',
etc., and watch the confused expressions of the nosy people who pick it up and read it.
Old people are especially entertaining.

[Duke]

If you're really bored, start a neighborhood hip-hop group.


Duke

[Fatwalrus]

go to a fast food restaurant drive-thru and order a cheeseburger with extra no cheese

or

grab a few superballs, go to a grocery store or department store, and throw the superballs down the aisles while shouting "go pikachu!"

[necronos]

The old classic: Put a coat hanger in the back of your shirt and act like the people telling you about it are crazy

Or you could see if you could speed 'radar' people with a hair dryer.

[ken worley]

^ Go to a pizza place and order a large pepperoni, onion, mushroom, blk olive, green pepper, and anchovy pizza with double-extra-cheese...hold the crust.

[ken worley]

Place ads in your local free classifieds for, say, a five-legged dog, and wait to see what type of freakos call you.


..other "products"..

some loose "lava" (lamp busted)

homemade toilet paper

one hazel glass eye

a bushel basket of miscellaneous doll shoes

The number '3' off a zenith tv remote

2 strips of Faberge' bacon

head-cleaning videotape-betamax

naked photos of your granparents

Herman Goering's frozen-off Plantar's wart

Nose-hair curler

The senate appropriations committee coloring book for children ages 3-10

A pair of women's size small gloves for a woman with 7 fingers on her left hand, 9 on her right.

[Duke]

Put a time-release charge on the power hub of the movie theater, go watch a film and when the power goes out, ask for your money back.


Duke

[ken worley]

Purposely mispronounce something repeatedly, until someone finally snaps and corrects you...Make it something everyone knows, like, the tv show Seinfeld....Keep pronouncing it Steinfeld.

Or call parmesan cheese (par MEE zee-ehn)

A variation is to pick a word that everyone knows that you are mispronouncing, yet which no one else feels confident enough about the true pronunciation of to dare to correct you.

Like Quetzlcoatlpetl...pronounce it {keet' sool kwaddle' peedel}
Or Nebucchadnezzar... (NEB-you kad-NEE zer)

It will be extremely annoying....that in itself abates boredome...watching those little signs of others' increasing discomfort...the line down the center of the forehead...the hardening of the eyes at each irritating repetition....

And if someone finally breaks down and says something, you get the satisfying feeling of controlling them...
The whole process can easily kill an hour or more.

[Duke]

Improvise an epic poem.


Duke

[Jean Bart]

Improvise an epic poem.


Duke

And then mail it to Duke, so he can review it.

[Duke]

Heck yeah!

I did improvise an epic poem once, during lunch. As I recall, it was about a submarine.


Duke

[Jean Bart]

Heck yeah!

I did improvise an epic poem once, during lunch. As I recall, it was about a submarine.


Duke

That's how intellectuals have evoluted: it took the Middle Ages' poets months and years to make an epic poem... the lack of submarines, yellow ones above all, they're the best.

[ken worley]

...wait for it...