New Excuses to Call Off Work.

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New Excuses to Call Off Work.

Postby ken worley on Mon Jan 15, 2007 10:46 am

It is cold and flu season, and with so many people calling off work, it behooves the thinking slacker
to come up with new and creative disorders to claim when wanting a "personal day"...

Here are some suggestions:

Sprained spleen...

Ingrown femur...

The twenty-four- hour rickets...

Black lung.

Itchy fingernails

Minor scurvy...

Athelete's torso...

Bruised aura...

Temporary psychotic dementia...

Vitamin "P" deficiency..(You guys know what I'm talkin' 'bout)...

Candied corns....

Compound fracture of the ego...

Detached retina..

Hair infection...

Liver stones...

The croup...

Congested groin...

Brain palpitations...

Hoof-in-Mouth....

Splinter-cell anemia...(Use this when you want to stay home to play video games)

Woke up with a pulled muscle... and your front door ajar.Image

Severe ocular spasms...

Lazy colon...

Abdominal ennui...

Excessive carbunkles...

Lead poisoning...

Ick...

Restless sphincter syndrome.

..and if you can have someone else call for you...

A perpetually recurring Monday coma...
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Postby EarthRise on Mon Jan 15, 2007 3:41 pm

"My eyes are ballooning. Do you want me to come in?"

"I have Ebola. I'll be back if I don't liquify."
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Postby Fatwalrus on Mon Jan 15, 2007 4:14 pm

LEAD: the miracle metal that makes you stupider than you already are
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Postby Duke on Tue Jan 16, 2007 1:45 pm

"My smell has become contagious."


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Postby Chimaera on Tue Jan 16, 2007 6:16 pm

"Nudge nudge, wink wink, say no more."
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Postby necronos on Wed Jan 17, 2007 9:59 am

To the boss: You wife is insatiable and I'm going to stay the course!


Chimaera wrote:[Eric Idol]"Nudge nudge, wink wink, say no more."[/Eric Idol]


Editted for clarification
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Postby smurf on Wed Jan 17, 2007 11:53 am

EarthRise wrote:"My eyes are ballooning. Do you want me to come in?"

"I have Ebola. I'll be back if I don't liquify."

That first one.
And it was true.
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Postby ke_mikiao on Wed Jan 17, 2007 12:44 pm

[call the boss]

I can't come in to work today. Why not? Well...my only clean shirt has a picture of my boss having sex with his secretary in his office. I can stay home? I get the rest of the week off paid? Thanks!
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Postby SpaghettiSawUs on Thu Jan 18, 2007 10:00 am

I have 24 hour tourettes you f**ing t**t, but the w**king doctor says I'll be ok by f**king tomorrow, c**t!
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Postby Duke on Thu Jan 18, 2007 1:43 pm

I'll come to work, but only if you let me play Kenny G on my cubicle speakers as loud as I want!


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"In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards."

--Mark Twain


He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.

--Friedrich Nietzsche


"If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil. But the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever."

--Woody Allen
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Re: New Excuses to Call Off Work.

Postby ken worley on Tue Nov 04, 2008 7:51 pm

Sorry, I can't come to work tomorrow, boss....
I have:

Longshoreman's Neck

Mexican Jumping Nipples

Sprained Ovaries

Explosive Constipation

Walking Leprosy

Migrating Brain Tumors

A Collapsed Urinary Bladder

Subcutaneous Dermabrasion

BitchSlappers' Wrist

Amphetamine Psychosis+Mild Gonorrhea(AKA "the monday morning special")

Authority-Figure-Stabbing-Impulse-Disorder
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Re: New Excuses to Call Off Work.

Postby fueledbycoffee on Tue Nov 04, 2008 7:56 pm

I always just called out with explosive diarrhea. They don't want to know the details, so I don't have to talk my way out of it, and they just suggest that I alter my eating habit every five times or so.
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Re: New Excuses to Call Off Work.

Postby black bart on Wed Nov 05, 2008 9:37 am

I can't come in today...I've been kidnapped by penguins.
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Re: New Excuses to Call Off Work.

Postby Rainswept on Wed Nov 05, 2008 11:37 am

fueledbycoffee wrote:I always just called out with explosive diarrhea. They don't want to know the details, so I don't have to talk my way out of it, and they just suggest that I alter my eating habit every five times or so.


If KW were your boss he'd demand you bring in a sample as proof.
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Re: New Excuses to Call Off Work.

Postby ken worley on Wed Nov 05, 2008 11:41 am

Rainswept wrote:
fueledbycoffee wrote:I always just called out with explosive diarrhea. They don't want to know the details, so I don't have to talk my way out of it, and they just suggest that I alter my eating habit every five times or so.


If KW were your boss he'd demand you bring in a sample as proof.



....or just to fuck with you/the other employees.

(PS, the use of caps on my initials is disrespectful/offensive to me.)
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