Scurvy Fleet Disciplinary Board Proceedings

[Griffin]

van Helsing leapt to his feet. "What would you like me to witness Lady Pru?" he asked, looking puzzled.

[black bart]

"AAAAARRRGH" cried Black Bart weariing a Hannibal Lecter mask from an iron cage at the back of the Court House, "Did someone mention the Pru?"

"GGGAAARRRRRRR I hates the Pru...they've refused to insure me and Cronan's ships!"

[walktheplank]

Judge Lady Prunella Boadicea Springer-Spaniel Bonehart, JD, MBE, DVM, RPh, EdD sighed "Good heavens will someone remove Bart from this court his constant interruptions are bringing on one of my heads, now pray continue prosecutorâ€￾

“Thank ye yer honourâ€￾ said Van Helsing “Auntie Backbeard remember you are under oath, please tell the court your tale of Tiddles the Catâ€￾

You could have heard a pin drop in the courtroom for what seemed like an eternity. Then a deep voice resounded around the courtroom and uttered 4 words that would change the life of Tiddles the Cat forever “TIDDLES ATE MY PARROTâ€￾

[black bart]

"YYYYAAAARRRRR...That be nothin" shouted Black Bart from his cage...

"Freddy Starr ate my Hamster!"

[walktheplank]

Judge Lady Prunella Boadicea Springer-Spaniel Bonehart, JD, MBE, DVM, RPh, EdD got out of her chair and had a word with the clerk of the court. The pair of them approached Black Bart and proceeded to give him a flogging that The Black Spot would have been proud of..

Judge Lady Prunella Boadicea Springer-Spaniel Bonehart, JD, MBE, DVM, RPh then sat down in her chair and adjusted her wig and clothes. "OK" she said breathing heavily "Please continue Mr Prosecutor"

Van Helsing looked at Judge Lady Prunella Boadicea Springer-Spaniel Bonehart, JD, MBE, DVM, RPh, EdD with newfound respect "Of course yer honour, where were we, Oh yes, Auntie Blackbeard you said that Tiddles ate yer parrott"

Auntie Blackbeard looked at the prosecutor and said "Yes she did but she didn't kill it"

Van Helsing "I may not be an expert on Parrots but I am led to believe that if a Cat eats a Parrot it usually results in death"

Auntie Blackbeard was visibly annoyed and raised her voice "No you imbecile, I meant that the Parrott was already dead when Tiddles ate it becuase it was killed by someone else, a well known Pirate Cap'n who killed it and gave it to her to eat", she then looked towards the public gallery and shouted with tears running down her face, "it was him...."

[DaveL]

YArrrr...

Sorry Aunty Blackbeard, he used to be a good puss. All he ate wuz Bilge rats. But when he became the most famous Bilge Ratter in the land, Oi promoted 'im to a life of luxury above deck.

Werse mistake Oi ever mades yer honour!! He developed a taste fer exotic parrots, gourmet cat food and snorted kitty biscuits up 'is nose. He grew fat and lazy and whens Oi punished 'im, he grew EVIL. He mutineered me ship with a bunch of Bilge Rat henchmen.

Tiddles be a victim of his own sucess yer honour....

[black bart]

AAARRGH...URRRRR...I just realised I baint got no cat on board my ship...I wonders where all the rats went! I must ave a word with the galley Cook about his ratatouille!

[Griffin]

Judge Lady Prunella Boadicea Springer-Spaniel Bonehart, JD, MBE, DVM, RPh, EdD stood up on her chair and yelled "Cut that man's tongue out and feed it to Tiddles".

[black bart]

Ha HAARRRR...I loiks a woman with spirit!

[DaveL]

Yarrrr...

Unfortunately yer honour, as Oi am a pirate, Tiddles did learn a thing or two from me about raidin' merchant shippin'.

Since Tiddles was empowered as the King of the Bilge Rats, they do all his bidding yer honour. They even charter their own ships to raid expensive cargoes laden with top gourmet produce headed for the courts of Europe.

King Louis XIV is most upset the Tiddle's Bilge Rat Navy is disrupting his Roquefort Cheese supply. He has called for urgent action to end Tiddle's domination of the English Channel.

Evil Tiddles has been giving a 30% cut of the plunder to the Bilge Rats for continued loyalty, while the rest gets sold on the black market.

He's been makin a fortune yer honour. YArrrrr...

[Griffin]

Lord Judge Superior N. Owitall Bar strode into the Chamber and cuffed Lady Pru round the head. "You, woman, are not fit to be a Judge" he said in a deep booming voice. Judge Lady Prunella Boadicea Springer-Spaniel Bonehart, JD, MBE, DVM, RPh, EdD fell off her podium into a vat of fish-head stew that had been left beside the bench as evidence.

Lord Judge Superior N. Owitall Bar banged his gavil. The noise shocked the court into silence. It was a sound they all feared.

"This case is dismissed", he said "It is an Ex-Case. It is no more. Polly has fallen off her perch and joined the choir all too visible. No one in their right mind would believe this nonsensical nonsense about a cat. Not if their lives depended on it. Tiddles is a CAT. A C-A-T. Those persons, assuming they are persons, which I am beginning to doubt, who have brought this farcical case will be thoroughly investigated. Hiding behind a CAT is a serious offense. You have not heard the end of this. Not by a long way. Tiddles - you are free to go."

Lord Judge Superior N. Owitall Bar banged his gavel once more and strode out of the courtroom.

[OZ_Nick]

Where he made the fatal mistake of stepping on Tiddles tail. As he turned to apologise he was "greeted" by Tiddles, Widdles, Piddles and the entire Tiddles-clone army. After a brief commotion Lord Judge Superior N. Owitall Bar's wig was seen blowing away on the breeze, but that was all that was ever seen of him again.

Meanwhile back in the courtroom faint cries of help were heard coming from the vat of Fish Head Stew.

[black bart]

From the back of the court in a cage, wearing a Hanibal Lecter mask and struggling to hold on to his tongue (in more ways than one!) Black Bart screamed:

"Dear God...

get her out or she'll mutate I tell thee!"

[The Black Spot]

Helped by a bailiff wearing a gasmask, Judge Lady Prunella Boadicea Springer-Spaniel Bonehart, JD, MBE, DVM, RPh, EdD pulled herself free of the stew, and with wounded dignity sat back on the bench.

She was not in the best of moods. Someone would pay for this afternoon's events.

She peered around the courtroom and spied her victim in the public gallery.

"The Scurvy Fleet Disciplinary Board calls..."

[walktheplank]

Judge Lady Prunella Boadicea Springer-Spaniel Bonehart, JD, MBE, DVM, RPh, EdD looked at the name on the charge sheet, she hesitated and looked nervously at an individual in the public gallery, a bead of sweat clearly visible on her brow.

"The Scurvy Fleet Disciplinary Board calls errr..."

Judge Lady Prunella Boadicea Springer-Spaniel Bonehart, JD, MBE, DVM, RPh, EdD then starts to shake violently and stops in mid sentence to take a swig out of her bottle of Rum.

The clerk of the court races over and grabs the judge's shaking hand, slowly she calms down but she has turned a deathly white.

After several minutes she regains her composure.

"The Scurvy Fleet Disciplinary Board calls Cap'n Cronan..."