Scurvy Fleet Disciplinary Board Proceedings

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Exhibit A

Postby black bart on Wed Jul 26, 2006 10:29 am

Prosecution...

Your witness.

Before I begin might I pass exhibit 'A' around the Court Room. I feel this might take some explainin yer honour:

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Postby DaveL on Wed Jul 26, 2006 6:08 pm

YArrrr...

I protest yer Honour. Tiddles is nuthin but a spoilt 'bilge ratter' gone wrong. Oi pampered 'im far too much yer Honour and 'e stole me AARGGHH 9000. He's totally evil.

Me ships security camera snapped Tiddles durin the ARRGHH 9000 mutiny...

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The prosecution was first to cross examine Tiddles...
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Postby The Black Spot on Wed Jul 26, 2006 9:00 pm

Doctor Van Helsing stepped forward for the prosecution.

"I have encountered much evil during my career," he began. "But This..." he pointed his silver topped cane in Tiddles direction, "is the foulest, most evil thing I have encountered."

Judge Lady Prunella Boadicea Springer-Spaniel Bonehart, JD, MBE, DVM, RPh, EdD seemed impressed.

"What say you Tiddles?" she asked.

Tiddles looked up with the utter contempt that all cats hold for humans. "Miaowwww..." it said.

Van Helsing addressed the court. "It is my intention to prove that this vile creature is responsible for several shipwrecks, the mutiny on the Bounty, the first world war, global warming, the death of the dinosaurs, and England getting knocked out of the World Cup."

Judge Lady Prunella Boadicea Springer-Spaniel Bonehart, JD, MBE, DVM, RPh, EdD took a deep breath. "You're barking mad, aren't you" she said.

"No," said Van Helsing. "I implore you to look at my research. Here is a ancient cuneiform text that quite plainly states..."

But Judge Lady Prunella Boadicea Springer-Spaniel Bonehart, JD, MBE, DVM, RPh, EdD wasn't listening. Tiddles had jumped on her lap, and she was tickling him behind his ears.
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Postby OZ_Nick on Wed Jul 26, 2006 10:14 pm

"Oh, don't ooo listen to that nasty man, Tiddles. You're not evil are you? What a nice little pussy. How could anyone say anything naughty about such a ceeuuuute little kitty? Ooo's a pretty puss, then? Does ooo want Auntie Pru to give ooo a little fishy? Yes, of course ooo wants a little fishy..."

Tiddles purred contentedly.

Judge Lady Prunella Boadicea Springer-Spaniel Bonehart, JD, MBE, DVM, RPh, EdD lokked up and said "Bailiff, get me some kippers, quickly if you please!"
----

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Postby walktheplank on Thu Jul 27, 2006 6:00 am

The atmosphere in the court was relaxed, no one could believe that this sweet looking cat could have been the cause of so many disasters.

Judge Lady Prunella Boadicea Springer-Spaniel Bonehart, JD, MBE, DVM, RPh, EdD said "I know you all want to stroke the cat but you have to form an orderly queue".

It seemed that the prosecutor Van Helsing is going to have his work cut out to secure a conviction.
The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who in the name of charity and goodwill shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.
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Postby OZ_Nick on Thu Jul 27, 2006 7:45 am

No one noticed the faint red glow emenating from under Tiddles's closed eye lids. The purr continued, was there a sort of edge to it? Again no one seemed to notice...
----

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Postby DaveL on Thu Jul 27, 2006 8:27 am

...that Tiddles had begun to testify in Satan-ese. 'Scarbala neetoongoo argkalha sevungu epana DaveL redoono seebungu Arggh 9000!'

Holy crap, said The Judge, that's one scary cat!! Can we get a court translator (and an exorcist) in here quick smart...
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Postby walktheplank on Thu Jul 27, 2006 9:17 am

...suddenly the doors at the back of the cortroom opened and a a large creature dressed in a red robe and a hood walked into the court and up to the bench.

The creature picked up Tiddles and cradled it back forth mumbling slowly in its ear. The large creature then left the courtroom the way it came in.

"Blimey" said Tiddles "who on earth was that"

There was uproar in court did the cat speak, what could this mean. The only person who seemed unsurprised by this startling turn of events was The Black Spot who was sitting quietly in the public gallery sharpening his cutlass.
The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who in the name of charity and goodwill shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.
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Postby The Black Spot on Thu Jul 27, 2006 9:20 pm

"What's happening," asked Brian the plumber.

"Arrrr...," said The Black Spot glancing around him. "'Tis a portent I tells 'ee. Summit unholy be about t' happen."

"What does it mean?" asked Brian, glad to have another speaking part.

"It be meanin' that the gates o' hell be open."

Almost on cue, Van Helsing addressed the court.

"If it pleases the court, I call my next witness. I call the entity known as Auntie Blackbeard."

The doors to the courtroom burst open and a hard to see figure slouched toward the witness box.
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Postby The Black Spot on Fri Jul 28, 2006 10:40 pm

Judge Lady Prunella Boadicea Springer-Spaniel Bonehart, JD, MBE, DVM, RPh, EdD peered at the witness box. She couldn't really make out what Auntie Blackbeard looked like. It was odd; sometimes she looked young, sometimes she looked old. Sometimes male, sometimes female.

Judge Lady Prunella Boadicea Springer-Spaniel Bonehart, JD, MBE, DVM, RPh, EdD rubbed her eyes and decided to ask Auntie Blackbeard a question to settle the matter.

"You are Auntie Blackbeard?" asked Judge Lady Prunella Boadicea Springer-Spaniel Bonehart, JD, MBE, DVM, RPh, EdD.

"I am," said the figure in an unclear voice. A strange voice - partly sympathetic, partly mocking, and partly sadistic.
Judge Lady Prunella Boadicea Springer-Spaniel Bonehart, JD, MBE, DVM, RPh, EdD couldn't make this out at all. Perhaps the prosecution could could help clarify matters.

"Van Helsing," said Judge Lady Prunella Boadicea Springer-Spaniel Bonehart, JD, MBE, DVM, RPh, EdD. "your witness..."
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Postby Griffin on Sat Jul 29, 2006 7:45 pm

van Helsing leapt to his feet. "What would you like me to witness Lady Pru?" he asked, looking puzzled.
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Pru

Postby black bart on Mon Jul 31, 2006 7:35 am

"AAAAARRRGH" cried Black Bart weariing a Hannibal Lecter mask from an iron cage at the back of the Court House, "Did someone mention the Pru?"

"GGGAAARRRRRRR I hates the Pru...they've refused to insure me and Cronan's ships!"
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Postby walktheplank on Mon Jul 31, 2006 8:34 am

Judge Lady Prunella Boadicea Springer-Spaniel Bonehart, JD, MBE, DVM, RPh, EdD sighed "Good heavens will someone remove Bart from this court his constant interruptions are bringing on one of my heads, now pray continue prosecutorâ€￾

“Thank ye yer honourâ€￾ said Van Helsing “Auntie Backbeard remember you are under oath, please tell the court your tale of Tiddles the Catâ€￾

You could have heard a pin drop in the courtroom for what seemed like an eternity. Then a deep voice resounded around the courtroom and uttered 4 words that would change the life of Tiddles the Cat forever “TIDDLES ATE MY PARROTâ€￾
The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who in the name of charity and goodwill shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.
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Freddy

Postby black bart on Mon Jul 31, 2006 10:04 am

"YYYYAAAARRRRR...That be nothin" shouted Black Bart from his cage...

"Freddy Starr ate my Hamster!" :D
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Postby walktheplank on Mon Jul 31, 2006 12:51 pm

Judge Lady Prunella Boadicea Springer-Spaniel Bonehart, JD, MBE, DVM, RPh, EdD got out of her chair and had a word with the clerk of the court. The pair of them approached Black Bart and proceeded to give him a flogging that The Black Spot would have been proud of..

Judge Lady Prunella Boadicea Springer-Spaniel Bonehart, JD, MBE, DVM, RPh then sat down in her chair and adjusted her wig and clothes. "OK" she said breathing heavily "Please continue Mr Prosecutor"

Van Helsing looked at Judge Lady Prunella Boadicea Springer-Spaniel Bonehart, JD, MBE, DVM, RPh, EdD with newfound respect "Of course yer honour, where were we, Oh yes, Auntie Blackbeard you said that Tiddles ate yer parrott"

Auntie Blackbeard looked at the prosecutor and said "Yes she did but she didn't kill it"

Van Helsing "I may not be an expert on Parrots but I am led to believe that if a Cat eats a Parrot it usually results in death"

Auntie Blackbeard was visibly annoyed and raised her voice "No you imbecile, I meant that the Parrott was already dead when Tiddles ate it becuase it was killed by someone else, a well known Pirate Cap'n who killed it and gave it to her to eat", she then looked towards the public gallery and shouted with tears running down her face, "it was him...."
The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who in the name of charity and goodwill shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.
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