Catching Lions

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Postby Poincare's Stepchild on Thu Jul 13, 2006 10:36 pm

How a mathematician puts a lion into a cage in Africa.

1. Mathematician goes to Africa
2. ...builds cage.
3. ...posits the existence of at least one lion in Africa
4. ...checks to see if there is a lion already in cage
5. ...if yes, problem solved
6. ...if no, mathematician gets into cage
7. ...then defines himself to be outside the cage
8. ...which places all lions in Africa inside the cage...problem solved.

Edit...missed your #4, singi.
Reading is Knowledge
Knowledge is Power
Power Corrupts
Corruption is a Crime
Crime doesn't Pay

So...If you read, you will go broke.


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Postby Aeger on Thu Jul 13, 2006 11:19 pm

greatly amusing
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From lions to engineers...

Postby boghog on Fri Jul 14, 2006 9:47 am

Poincare's Stepchild wrote:How a mathematician puts a lion into a cage in Africa.


Reminds me of another joke:

Researchers ask an engineer and a mathematician to both go into a kitchen and make tea, while they watch from another room. The first time, they both do it the same way:

- find the kettle, teapot and teabags, take them out of the cupboard
- fill the kettle with water and place it on the stove
- turn the stove on and wait for the water to boil
- put the teabags in the teapot, then fill it with boiling water.

Later on, they ask the engineer and the mathematician to repeat the experiment. This time, though, when they go into the room the teabags are already in the teapot and there's a pot of boiling water sitting on the stove.

The engineer pours the boiling water into the teapot and says "done!"

The mathematician puts the teabags back in the box, dumps the boiling water down the drain, puts everything back in the cupboard and says "done! I've reduced it to a previously found solution!"
Now Hypercaffeinated! Share and Enjoy!

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Postby Poincare's Stepchild on Fri Jul 14, 2006 1:58 pm

A doctor, a lawyer and a mathematician are having lunch together, when they get into a discussion of whether it is better to have a wife or a mistress.

The doctor holds that it is better to have a wife, since there is a commitment to the relationship. This reduces stress, which is healthier.

The lawyer holds that it is better to have a mistress, since there are no legal entanglements. So when the relationship ends, there is no messy divorce.

They turn to the mathematician to settle the question.

He thinks for a moment, then says, "Both. That way your wife will think you are with your mistress, your mistress will think you are with your wife, and you can get some real math done."
Reading is Knowledge
Knowledge is Power
Power Corrupts
Corruption is a Crime
Crime doesn't Pay

So...If you read, you will go broke.


:worship: :worship: :worship: :fsm:

TTFN
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Postby St John the Blasphemist on Fri Jul 14, 2006 11:06 pm

On the subject of engineers:

An electrical engineer, a mechanical engineer, and a Microsoft engineer are car pooling to an engineers' convention, when suddenly the car breaks down.

The electrical engineer inspects all the wiring under the dash & bonnet & concludes "It isn't an electrical problem, so I can't fix it."

So the mechanical engineer inspects the engine & concludes "Well I can't see anything wrong with the mechanics, so I can't fix it."

Then the Microsoft engineer says, "Hey I've got an idea! Why don't we try closing the windows & opening them again?"


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Postby Adelbert on Sat Jul 15, 2006 12:18 pm

A wealthy millionnaire wants to find a way of perfectly predicting the outcome of horse racing events, so he can vastly increase his money through gambling. He decides to try it out with one race, and calls a mathematician, a biologist and a physicist to work out which horse is going to win.

The next day, the mathematician calls up and says "I know which horse is going to win. It has to be number 3. He's won every race he's entered in the last year; statistically, he can't fail". the millionnaire smiles to himself, and wonders what he'll do with all the money he wins.

The day after that, the biologist calls up and says "I know which horse is going to win. It has to be number 7. His father was one of the most expensive studs available, and his mother was shockingly fast; genetically, he can't fail". The millionnaire is worried by this development, and decides to wait and see what the physicist will say.

The millionnaire waits, but the physicist doesn't call him until the morning of the race. The millionnaire answers his phone, and the physicist tells him "I know which horse is going to win. It has to be number 1". "How do you know?" asks the millionnaire. "Well," says the physicist, "you assume the horses are all perfect spheres on a frictionless plane..."
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Postby lordpunkmonk on Sun May 18, 2008 6:43 pm

I agree
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"The man with a clear conscience probably has a poor memory." --Lawrence J. Peter
111111111 x 111111111 = 12345678987654321
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