1: Yar, â€˜twas revealed to me in a dream the origins of that shrill harpy Ann Coulter. Verily, â€˜twas no dream that brought to mine mindâ€™s eye that shrieking she-man beast, but a nightmare!
2: A vision of divine clarity filled me whilst I slumbered, though â€˜twas strange and terrible to behold. Wakefulness would have been a blessing, yet the vision continued to unfold.
3: Such clarity! No rum, no Holy Oregano alone could have sent me this dream, surely His Noodliness meant for me to see.
4: â€˜Twas shown me no human womb, no matter how vile, verily, not even the one that borne Dr. Atkins himself, could have spawned such a monstrosity as Ann Coulter.
5: Nay! Only a power greater than man could have wrought such a force of obnoxiousness!
6: His Noodliness shown me a calamity that occurred decades ago. I was taken to Heaven in my dream.
7: Such joy filled me! The balmy breeze brought to mine nostrils the malty scent spewed forth from the distant Beer Volcano. I grasped for me mug, but â€˜twas only a dream - strong though it was!
8: A flash! Lacy things and leather boots of impractical tallness of heel and eyelets innumerable surrounded me. â€˜Twas the Stripper Factory!
9: Something was amiss! Lights flashed, klaxons sounded, smoke belched, screams filled mine ears!
10: The assembly line had ground to a halt. â€˜Twas a sad place: a Stripper Factory with no strippers, bosoms abounce in taut lace!
11: In mine vision, A young engineer was brought before His Noodliness, his knees a-quake before the awesome power of the Creator.
12: His Noodliness was none too pleased, His appendages al dente in tense anger.
13: His Noodliness held aloft a woman of sorts; bony, angular, oddly masculine, shrill and of effusive obnoxiousness.
14: Recognition came upon me slowly, like the variety of Holy Oregano called â€œcreeperâ€ in some circles.
15: â€˜Twas none other than Ann Coulter being held aloft in His Noodly Appendages, which quaked with displeasure.
16: Unspoken and deafeningly loud, His Noodliness addressed the young engineer; in mine dream I was made privy to hear.
17: â€œWhat, in the name of all that is starchy, were you thinking?â€ His Noodliness demanded of the engineer.
18: â€œCan you not see this one is far too bony and masculine, to say nothing of her shrill obnoxiousness!â€
19: â€œThis is supposed to be Heaven!â€ His Noodliness continued. â€œWhy would you design in a manâ€™s Adamâ€™s apple on a stripper?â€
20: A pool grew around the young engineerâ€™s feet. His shame seemed to quell His Noodlinessâ€™ anger.
21: â€œBe still, mine child,â€ His Noodliness intoned, calmer now. â€œSome men are best at making the pasta, whilst others are best at making the sauce.â€
22: â€œYe shall not be punished, mine child. Reassigned, yes, but not punished - be calm,â€ His Noodliness told the young engineer, who rejoiced at His words.
23: â€œAs for this,â€ His Noodliness continued, holding the ghastly, wretched, prototype stripper, one that would thankfully never be put into full production, in his Noodly Appendage. â€œThis simply must go. Yech!â€
24. With a flick of His Noodly Appendage, the repulsive stripper prototype was cast down from Heaven.
25: It landed in New York City, circa 1961 and from there, grew only more annoying.