I dunno, a pure stroke of inspiration:
The Gospel of John the Pastafarian
1. Hark, as I speak the words of which I proclaim to be truth,
2. That blessed be me whom His holy visage did come upon me,
3. And spoke unto to me as I ate of His body in holy worship;
4. â€œYea shall be the tenets that I shall proclaim.â€ In a voice of no voice he spoke.
5. In the purest of words, he said unto me:
6. â€œEat not of the Semolina, in itâ€™s unfinished state,
7. For only when added with water, can it be considered complete.
8. For in life, as in pasta, there is need for balance and companionship.
9. And every ingredient has its own specific role.
10. And when choosing your sauce, choose of your heart,
11. For even in the simplest of forms, the sauce only compliments.
12. Whether it be meat, or cheese, or oil of the olive,
13. All such are equal, and equal they shall remain.
14. Spare you the meat balls, to only but a few,â€ and to this I beseeched:
15. â€œTruely, your Noodliness, I am but a humble servant, though I must confess
16. I cannot restrict myself this pleasure, for I do admit
17. I am in love with my meat, and I am in love with my balls.â€
18. And the Flying Spaghetti Monster touched me with his noodly appendage
19. And said unto me â€œSurely my son, I do understand,
20. But what if you fill of the meat and the balls? Then you will not have tasted
21. The gloriousness of the pasta which has been presented unto you.â€
22. And I humbled myself, and listened to his truth,
23. For in life, as in pasta, there is need for balance and companionship.
24. And every ingredient has its own specific role.
25. And the Flying Spaghetti Monster did speak unto me:
26. â€œTake not the garlic on into excess,
27. For it is a privilege and not yours by right.
28. If thou heedeth not this warning, then let thy body be plagued,
29. Until the end of the night, with gas and bloating and breath that is foul.
30. And take not the parmesano on into excess,
31. For it is a privilege and not yours by right.
32. If thou heedeth not this warning, then let thy body be plagued,
33. Until the end of the night, with gas and bloating and breath that is foul.
34. Heed of these warnings, as you eat of My Body,
35. And proclaim them to thy world around,
36. That what is spoken is truth, and through this truth is happiness
37. For through these words youâ€™ll keep friendship, and through friendship good nights.â€
I am particularily in love with line 17. Am I on the right track? Would you like more Gospels according to John the Pastafarian? (Currently, me, unless it has been otherwise taken.) I do not have my copy of the Pastafarian Gospel yet so this may already have been used.
- Pull the other one, it's got bells on it.