The Annual Academy Awards Fer Piratical Arts (The Jim Lads)

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Postby The Black Spot on Wed Mar 19, 2008 7:28 am

"The next award," said Mayor Liversausage, "is a special award for the pirate with the largest number of body parts missing." The mayor looked at the hunched, mishapen audience and thought that this was going to be a close contest.

He read the nominations from a card:

"The nominees for the award of Pirate-With-Most-Missing-Bodyparts are as follows:

1.No-Chest Jake
2.One stump Murphy
3.Hoppy one-nostril O'Halloran
4.Headless Harry
5.Jigsaw Puzzle Pat.


And the winner is..."
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Postby black bart on Thu Mar 20, 2008 12:09 pm

Ken Livingstone called up Big Brenda to announce the award in her big booming voice...

"Yarrrrrrrrrrr", said Brenda, "The winner is...

HEADLESS HARRY!

A ripple of applause from the audience was followed by complete silence...

Brenda stepped up to the mike again: "HEADLESS HARRY? HEADLESS HARRY? HEADLESS HARRY?
The smoke wafted gently in the breeze across the poop deck and all seemed right in the world.
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Postby tanguerra on Fri Mar 21, 2008 7:27 am

Headless Harry made his way to the stage, gripped firmly by the arms by two peg-legged cronies. With some difficulty they managed to negotiate their way between the aisles and up the stairs.

Headless Harry gave the thumbs up while his crony, Jigsaw Puzzle Pat lowered the microphone for him....
Aaarrrrgggh!

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Postby Mad Willyum Bonney on Fri Mar 21, 2008 7:59 pm

...and had to lower it more to catch the rest of the tumbling fart that issued from between his cheeks .

Replied a wag from the audience , " I think he meant to say ...
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Postby Auntie Blackbeard on Fri Mar 21, 2008 8:08 pm

he'll not let success go to his head!"
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Postby tanguerra on Fri Mar 21, 2008 8:29 pm

"Aaargh! He has no head fer alcohol!" cried another.
Aaarrrrgggh!

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Postby anthrobabe on Sat Mar 22, 2008 12:33 pm

"Rum break they all cried."
My mantra
Just save the farkin Gorillas will you! They don't have spell check- but they do need YOU/US...
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Postby Mad Willyum Bonney on Sun Mar 23, 2008 6:45 pm

The assemblage heard this as " break wind " and sighed in unison from both set of cheeks . The Awards were interrupted when someone ...
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Postby tanguerra on Sun Mar 23, 2008 7:17 pm

decided to light a cigar, thus setting off a small explosion quickly followed by a fire in the back row and necessitating a visit from the Portsmouth Fire Brigade.
Aaarrrrgggh!

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Postby PantyGnawer on Tue Mar 25, 2008 3:00 am

PG sneaks in and steals all your rum
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Postby PantyGnawer on Mon Mar 31, 2008 6:48 am

Returned from the pirate hole I dug.
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Jim Lad

Postby black bart on Tue Apr 01, 2008 10:59 am

Arrrrrrrr...just brandishin me Jim Lad...

Image

I be goin on Jonathan Woss ta talk about it. Tryin ta think of loads o questions wiv R in.
The smoke wafted gently in the breeze across the poop deck and all seemed right in the world.
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Postby anthrobabe on Tue Apr 01, 2008 1:58 pm

tanguerra wrote:decided to light a cigar, thus setting off a small explosion quickly followed by a fire in the back row and necessitating a visit from the Portsmouth Fire Brigade.


it were qwite a time gettin tha fire all out, as the assorted pirates was attemptin to go back in as they'd forgotten sumpin or nother and the fire brigade couldn't put out the fire properly until all were safely outside. Once the fire was out it was determined that a certain someone had leaked out a fictitious story that there was an actual treasure chest backstage to be awarded to the pirate wif the largest set o curls at the end of the night- and all the buggers was trying to sneak in and gets to it so's all that'd be lef was an hempty box....
My mantra
Just save the farkin Gorillas will you! They don't have spell check- but they do need YOU/US...
www.gorillafund.org

I Ned Speil Cheek!!!!!!!!

I'm *not* the lowest rank on this ship. What about the laboratory mice? I tell them something and they jump straight to it. "Yes, Mr. Lister Sir, eek,eek."
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Re: The Annual Academy Awards Fer Piratical Arts (The Jim Lads)

Postby Auntie Blackbeard on Mon Feb 02, 2009 1:52 pm

The Black Spot wrote:The Annual Academy Awards Fer Piratical Arts (The Jim Lads)
By our showbiz correspondant: Sicko Fant

Image

Welcome one and all to this, the 158th Jim Lad Award Ceremony. Here, in the sumptuous surroundings of the Portsmouth Municipal Hall, the cream of Portsmouth's piratical society has gathered for a glittering night.

As I look around me, I am amazed by the wealth of piratical talent that is gathered here under one roof this evening. Over there, that wizened old chap gumming a fishhead - that must be Black Bart! And there - that shiny head could only belong to Walktheplank! Oh look - over there is a huge hairy man in a charming little pink number!

There are many categories for us to get through this evening, and plenty of acceptance speeches. And so, as Mayor Keith Liversausage takes to the stage to present the awards, we start this years JimLad awards!




Aroighte nows me dearies , it be thet tyme ove thee yeer agin !

Auntie be alla fluttar , start nomeenatin me now !
Ye Crows Nest be open fer business me dearies.
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Re: The Annual Academy Awards Fer Piratical Arts (The Jim Lads)

Postby black bart on Mon Feb 02, 2009 3:39 pm

Aaaarrrgh, maybe we needs a new category this year:

The Pirate wiv the most enhanced body part/s...I aint lookin at yer chest Aunty Honest. :wink:
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