:: switch to camera 3 ::
We go now to a live, on-the-scene report from showbiz correspondent Sicko Fant:
"Here it comes, ladies and gentlemen, and what a sight it is, a thrilling one, just a marvellous sight, all of the nominees for 'Most Long-Winded Posting' are coming down from their tables, in anticipation, right toward us, and towards the stage. The mighty lungs arghing, the peglegs biting into the Turkey carpeting and throwing it back into assembled crowd like bilge rat corpses...
"No one wonders that their ships can travel through the world's waterways at such speed with these powerful pirates behind them. The setting sun is striking the Lucite panels of the awards podium on the port side of the dais and sparkling like glittering, stolen jewels against a background of black velvet...
"They've burst into a scuffle! Get this, Charlie, get this, Charlie. Get out of the way, please, oh, my, this is terrible, oh, my, get out of the way, please! They are swinging their fists and wielding their cutlasses and the crewe from each faction are firing pistols and falling from their mooring masts and crows nests and all the folks we...this is one of the worst catastrophes in the world! Oh, some of them were a hundred feet into the sky, it's a terrific crash, ladies and gentlemen. The aisle is soaking in blood and spilled rum, now. Oh, the humanity!
"Mayor Keith Liverpool has signaled the Attending Portsmouth Police, who have moved into the fracas and broken it up. The nominees are being frog-marched back to their seats...
"The crewe have been ordered to quickly swab the walkway and return -- immediately -- to their posts or be thrown out the door....
"It looks as though order has been restored, waiters are again fetching drinks, and the crowd turns back to the dais to hear this year's winner announced for 'Most Long-Winded Posting'. Back to you."
DIE SPAMMERS DIE
'Tis now the very witching time of night,
When churchyards yawn and hell itself breathes out
Contagion to this world.
There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls. ~George Carlin