Grand Admiral Nef Yoo Blackbeard
His origins shrouded by thee foggy mists of it's own mind , account's in Nefyoo's autobiography , " Tha Fissil Booke Ove Nefyoo BB " (sic) , must largely be ignored . The first reliable writting of thee nefyoo appears in thee Necroplankecon , Deluxe Dragon Hide Edition .
Thee rumor is , it bunked with thee notorious parrot Calico Jack aboard thee feared ghost ship , " Thee Pooppy Decke " .
It is thee common belief that they stowed away on passing ships that were foolish enough to brave thee stench that permeated through thee massive dreary hulk of a ship .
To this day no one will claim that they have braved a dump or a tinkle aboard thee dread ship for fear of violence from thee inhabitants of Portsmouth .
Promoted through the ranks at the tender age of 5 years before the mast (but mostly in thee bilge), his singin was feared across the seven seas of Rye Vitta. After studying diligently at the Portsmouth Pirate Public School Nef Yoo bunked off to join Black Bart's ship the Big Brenda at Portsmouth docks.
Half an hour later Black Bart had Nef Yoo thrown over board but fortunately for Nef Yoo the tide was out an he landed in a picnic basket belonging to Auntie Blackbeard. The rest is history with lots o lollipops thrown in. Grand Admiral Nef Yoo Blackbeard is the scourge of paddling pools the world over.
His later life endeavors in thee culinary arts gathered much attention from thee Portsmouth Pirate Gastronomic Institute , which awarded him thee coveted Poisoner Of Thee Year Award .
The prestigious award previously won three years successively by ChowMein , was presented in a lavish ceremony at thee Admiral Benbow in front of a vengeful crowd of Nefyoo's victims .
" Oi wuz robbed " (sic) , replied Chow .
A relative of thee esteemed , wise , and extremely attractive Auntie Blackbeard , who , in one of her famous displays of charity , gave nefyoo free room and board throughout his infant years .
Upon his escape from her bilge , nefyoo has been continuously honoring his debt of gratitude to his dear auntie by giving me at least fifty percent of his take , I always have a hot bowl of fish head stew ready for him .
Always thee pirate's pirate , nefyoo has proved himself to be a charmer with thee females , these wimmim should be pitied and professional help should be offered to thee poor unfortunates .
His latest baby sitter aka Yolanda Thee Mermaid , after a particular nasty turn at nefyoo's diaper has been in catatonic state since last Monday . However , tales of heartbreak or a foul stench cannot deter thee lovestruck from fawning over nefyoo .
Males are also not immune to his smooth talking ways , the stalwart Zankou has expressed his admiration on numerous occasions and secretly envies nefyoo's turn of a phrase .
"zankoo iz a pooh pooh ead"
an den i wint an savd portsmuff fwumm lottsa munsters an tha roil navee tri ta catch me but i sayd
an thay get mad et me an thay sayd
we gunna get ya nefyoo
no ya not
cos i band ya !
The blaggard wunce got tha Scurvy while orn a trip orn the shippe o' Detective Turtleholmes, The Good Shippe Fullasaboot, fer Stowaways don't git no citrussy limes. Nobiddy relly knowed, knor cared, whut was goanna happen to the blaggard, but wunce is teef got all mushy Cap'n Turtleholmes, the genteel fella that he be, tied Nef Yoo's arms behoind his back an' gave 'im an orange ta chew throo. Evenchooally, Nef Yoo gummed his way throo an' got a liddle bit better. Cap'n T then chucked 'im ovarrboard a hundrid metres outta Portsmouth ann' he had ta swim across the channel o' efflooance. The tayste nivvir left 'im, soes now he ets lotsa lollipops ta try an' git rid o' the tayste.