Pirate Jokes

Arrr, I be a pirate!

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Pontius Pirate
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Pirate Jokes

Postby Pontius Pirate » Thu Jan 31, 2008 2:05 am

There's probably been a thread like this made already, so I apologize. Anyway, post your pirate jokes here.



Q: A pirate ship filled with blue paint is sailing towards a pirate ship filled with red paint. What happens when they crash?
A: They get marooned!
When I give food to the poor, they call me a saint. When I ask why the poor have no food, they call me a communist.

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black bart
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paracetamol

Postby black bart » Thu Jan 31, 2008 12:13 pm

Why is there no aspirin on a Pirate ship?

Ans: Because the paracetamol
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Auntie Blackbeard
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jokes

Postby Auntie Blackbeard » Fri Feb 01, 2008 6:58 am

Arrrrr...BB...that be the last toim ye tells that joke on this Forum...I has warned ye afore about tellin bad jokes. Now the only way ta cheer everyone up is to tell a good joke:

What has 8 arms and 8 legs?

8 Pirates!

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pieces o'nine
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Postby pieces o'nine » Fri Feb 01, 2008 1:46 pm

Yarrrrr!

What do you get when you cross a pirate with a zuchnni?
A squashbuckler!
:fsm_yarr:
I will honor Monkey in my heart, and try to keep it all the year.
~Charles "Darwin" Dickens

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black bart
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Legs

Postby black bart » Sun Feb 03, 2008 5:30 pm

Aaarrgh...what's got 8 arms and 8 legs?

Ans: 8 Pirates.
The smoke wafted gently in the breeze across the poop deck and all seemed right in the world.

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Postby Pirate Bard » Sun Feb 03, 2008 11:52 pm

What is a pirate's favorite pattern?

ARRRRRRgyle.

What is a pirate's peg leg made of?

Any kind o ARRRRRRd wood will do.

What is a pirate's favorite drink (besides grog)?

mARRRRRRRRGaritas.

What is a pirate's favorite letter?

You'd think it was R, but it's I Matey!
The Pirate Bard

If a man means me no offense and I am offended, I am a fool. If a man means me offense and I am offended, I am still a fool.

* * *
"I am weary of chickens. How they look up at us with their small eyes as though we were unimportant." - Pablo Naruda
"Well they do. And we are. It's just hard to take it from a damn chicken!" - Greg Brown

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pieces o'nine
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Postby pieces o'nine » Mon Feb 04, 2008 2:13 am

Yarrr!

Q. What has 8 arms and 8 legs?
A. 8 Pirates!





(Jes followin' convention, loike, to post this as every other joke. Whatever ye does, don' break the chain, matey!)
I will honor Monkey in my heart, and try to keep it all the year.
~Charles "Darwin" Dickens

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black bart
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laugh

Postby black bart » Mon Feb 04, 2008 8:02 am

Arrrgh...I wuz laughin too much ta remember conwenshuns!

Q: How many Pirates does it take ta change a light bulb?

Ans: None...they aint inwented light bulbs yer blaggard!
The smoke wafted gently in the breeze across the poop deck and all seemed right in the world.

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Postby lordpunkmonk » Mon Feb 04, 2008 9:47 pm

the most feared pirate of all of europe gets a bounty on his head for 50k so one day the pirate sees an enemy ship on the horizon and asks his cabinboy to bring him his red shirt they fight the enemy win and move on.
the next day he sees two ships on the horizon so he asks for his red shirt they fight and they win.
this continues for seven days and the cabin boy finaly asks "why do you keep asking for your red shirt?" and the pirate responds "so that if I happen to get shot my crew won't know it and they will keep fighting.
the next day the pirate sees 20 enemy ships on the horizon. so he looks at his cabin boy and says bring me my brown pants
--LPM lord of the apocalypse
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pieces o'nine
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Postby pieces o'nine » Mon Feb 04, 2008 11:48 pm

Q. Where do pirates find their birds?
A. Parrots Without Partners.
I will honor Monkey in my heart, and try to keep it all the year.
~Charles "Darwin" Dickens

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Postby Pirate Bard » Tue Feb 05, 2008 1:02 am

A pirate with a peg leg, hook hand, and an eye patch was sitting at a bar when the bartender asked him, "How'd you get the peg leg?"

The pirate replied, "Arr, back when I were but a First Mate, we 'ad a run in with a Spanish Galleon, an I lost me leg ta' a round o grapeshot from one o their cannons."

The bartender nodded, impressed and asked, "How about the hook?"

"Oh, I were in a duel with a foppish laird o'er a foine young lass. The blaggard took me hand, but I took his life!"

"Wow," the bartender replied, duly impressed, and finally asked, "How'd you lose your eye?"

"Well, me matey, one day I were walkin down on the docks, I looked up, and a seagull crapped in me eye," the pirate reported sadly.

"That's it?" asked the bartender, incredulously. "Bird shit made you lose your eye?"

"Twas me first day with the hook..."
The Pirate Bard



If a man means me no offense and I am offended, I am a fool. If a man means me offense and I am offended, I am still a fool.



* * *

"I am weary of chickens. How they look up at us with their small eyes as though we were unimportant." - Pablo Naruda

"Well they do. And we are. It's just hard to take it from a damn chicken!" - Greg Brown

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Pontius Pirate
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Postby Pontius Pirate » Tue Feb 05, 2008 1:02 am

Q. What has 8 arms and 8 legs?
A. C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER!!
When I give food to the poor, they call me a saint. When I ask why the poor have no food, they call me a communist.

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black bart
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CCCC

Postby black bart » Tue Feb 05, 2008 5:21 am

Arrrgh...sorry matey...what be a CCC Combo Breaker in the name o Neptune?
The smoke wafted gently in the breeze across the poop deck and all seemed right in the world.

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pieces o'nine
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Postby pieces o'nine » Tue Feb 05, 2008 10:15 pm

Q. Who is the top pirate musician?
A. Carrrrrlos Bandana.
I will honor Monkey in my heart, and try to keep it all the year.
~Charles "Darwin" Dickens

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Postby big jeff » Wed Feb 06, 2008 6:24 am

"What is a pirate's favorite letter?

You'd think it was R, but it's I Matey!"

No, it's P, 'cause it's an R with one leg missing


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