**POLICE CAUTION - this recipe could lead to you getting a weekend in the cells, an opportunity to 'fall down the stairs', and a criminal record for a violent crime unless you are a millionaire in good standing with the Tory Party**
One Charles Saatchi
One skewer (I find an 8' - 10' fencepost is ideal for the job)
Extra-hot chilli sauce (to taste)
First catch your Saatchi - they are usually lounging around restaurants or art galleries. Grab him by the throat, in the manner of a 'playful tiff', and ram the skewer up his fundament. Clean the Saatchi thoroughly with a wire brush, and marinade in extra-hot chilli sauce. Roast over a fire of Damien Hirsts, Tracy Emins etc. until you run out of fuel.
"I don't mean to sound bitter, cynical or cruel; but I am, so that's how it comes out." ~ Bill Hicks.
"To argue with a person who has renounced reason is like administering medicine to the dead." ~ Thomas Paine.
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"If you're making a political point wearing a balaclava, you're a c***. It was true for the IRA and it's true now." ~ daftbeaker.