Off Shore Pirate Radio Phone in

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Off Shore Pirate Radio Phone in

Postby black bart on Fri Nov 02, 2007 7:43 am

Host: Welcome to the 'Off Shore Pirate Radio' helpful citizen hour. Today we have special guest 'The Dark Avenger' taking your calls and answering your questions on 'How to become a Superhero'. So it's over to you Dark Avenger and we have a caller on line 1...it's the Black Spot's Cabin Boy Jim...

Jim: Hello, I have a question for The Dark Avenger.

DA: Hi Jim, you are talking to The Dark Avenger himself, don't be over awed, I'm just a normal chap really, with one or two special powers of course, ha ha ha, but I'm not that different to your pa, ask me anything you like.

Jim: I would like to be a Super Hero like you how do I learn the necessary skills.

DA: Well, now Jim, there's a lot to learn. You have to be very fit of course and brave...fearless infact. You need to be able to respond to all the emergencies those darstardly Pirates create. You need courage, resourcefulness, honesty, tenasity and many more of the qualities which I possess. You need to be able to take everything Portsmouth's neer-do-wells throw at you and come bouncing right back at them.

But tell me Jim...what makes you think that you can be a Superhero just like me?

Jim: Well...do you want me to be honest?

DA: Of course Jim, tells us what you have in common with me, The Dark Avenger.

Jim: Well...I'm really good at taking it up the ****!

<Click>
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Postby DaveL on Mon Nov 05, 2007 10:02 pm

YArrrrr...

Oi think Dark Avenger's Mrs, 'The Aproned Scrubber' was werkin in the radio control room...
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Socks

Postby black bart on Thu Nov 08, 2007 7:00 am

Host: Welcome to the 'Off Shore Pirate Radio' talk to a pirate hour. Today we have the infamous Cap'n Dave L in the studio to take your calls. Over to you Cap'n, we have a caller on line 1 and it's our old friend Jim the Black Spot's cabin boy...

Jim: Hello, I have a question for Captain Dave.

DL: Hi Jim, how are ye matey and what be yer question?

Jim: I'm fine thankee. My question is this: If ye were cast adrift in an open boat and ye'd run out of food after 4 days, what would ye do to survive?

DL: Well matey...ye has several hoptions.

a. Ye fashions a makeshift fishing tackle out of yer sock twine and a bent needle. Ye tries ter catch stuff loik Fish, Sharks an turtles.

b. Ye eats yer socks.

c. Ye eats whoever else be in the boat.

Does that answer yer question Jim...

Jim: Er...hang on a minute (talks to someone in background..."Yes Captain Spot, more salt on the other sock".)

DL: Hello, Jim...are ye still there?

Jim: Oh hello, sorry about that...can you let me mum know that I probably wont be home for Christmas this year <click>.
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Re: Socks

Postby walktheplank on Fri Nov 09, 2007 5:12 pm

yarr don't hang up, its Black Spot here, regarding option c what wine goes best whilst eating a cabin boy

Host: Arr Spot yer blaggard it be Dave L ere, don't waste decent grog on that snotty blaggard, open up a tin of cheap beer and save the wine fer a decent meal, now who's next.

click
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Re: Socks

Postby ChowMein on Sat Nov 10, 2007 5:10 pm

walktheplank wrote:yarr don't hang up, its Black Spot here, regarding option c what wine goes best whilst eating a cabin boy

Host: Arr Spot yer blaggard it be Dave L ere, don't waste decent grog on that snotty blaggard, open up a tin of cheap beer and save the wine fer a decent meal, now who's next.

click
AAAAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHH!!!
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Wind

Postby black bart on Sun Nov 11, 2007 4:05 pm

Host: Welcome to the 'Off Shore Pirate Radio' talk to a pirate hour. Today we have the infamous and long lost Cap'n Chow Mein in the studio to take your calls. Over to you Cap'n, we have a caller on line 1 and it's our long lost matey Cap'n Taichi:

Taichi: Hello, I have a question for Cap'n Chow Mein.

Host: Hi Taichi, nice to hear from you, what is your question?

Taichi: I would like to know how Chow mein would deal with a Force 10 Sow Westerly wind in heavy seas of the Cape Horn.

Chow Mein: AAAAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHH!!!

Taichi: I was hoping for a little more detail than that...

Chow Mein: AAAAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHH!!!

Taichi: OK how about a Squadron of Corsairs in tight formation coming in off the Port Bow?

Chow Mein: AAAAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHH!!!

Taichi: Please hurry with answer matey...it's getting critical!

Chow Mein: AAAAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHH!!!

Taichi: What does it take ro get a sensible answer of you lot?

Chow Mein: AAAAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHH!!!

Taichi: YYYYYYYAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH <click>
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Postby Detective TurtleHolmes on Mon Dec 03, 2007 5:03 pm

YAAAARRRGGGGHHHH!

I dun get it. Can we dus arr own phone un's?

What be the point o' this here thread?

Not that it be bad. I loike it, i do.
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Radio

Postby black bart on Mon Dec 03, 2007 5:11 pm

There isn't any point to this thread. Many of these threads have evolved to concern an imaginery 'Portsmouth' from yesteryear. Portsmouth isn't an imaginery place and in many ways resembles our Piratey Portsmouth...it doesn't get so many Pirates these days unfortunately. This is supposed to be an imaginery radio station which pirates can call in for a advice or a chat about such diverse things as Kidnapping, Murder, Crew members...whatever you think might be amusing.
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Postby DaveL on Mon Dec 03, 2007 5:22 pm

YArrrrr...

Just to explain, Taichi was a smarty pants who came unstuck in the Pirate Forum, trying to demonstrate his superior knowledge...it came to a hilarious end. Although, I think his thread is still going...

http://www.venganza.org/forum/viewtopic.php?t=5876
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Quiz

Postby black bart on Mon Dec 03, 2007 6:09 pm

Host:...and now for the weather and shipping forecast....

<ring, ring>

Host:Hello.

Caller: ARRRR...When be the next high tide?

Host: Oh, er, High Tide in Portsmouth Harbour...4pm.

Caller:Arrrr, Thankee...OK lads peg the Mayor out on the sand...

Host:Sigh, Just a minute...how much are you ransoming the mayor for this time?

Caller:Arrrrrr...we wants 400 Cronan or mayor Liversausage drowns...use the heavy chains ye scurvy, usless, blaggards...he'll just float up with them ropes! Ye can't get the crew these days.

Host: Wouldn't you rather enter our Topical Quiz at 3pm...there's a first prize of 500 Cronan!

Caller: Give us a sample question an Oy'll think about it.

Host: Ok, Ok...The questions are multiple choice...

The Capital of France is:
a. Paris Hilton
b. Camembert
c. Paris

Caller: Arrrrrr...Me First Mate be the only one of us what can write an e reckons...the capital of France be F...

Host: Well...a good try, but it's not on the list...

Caller: Arrrrrr, Give us a clue or the mayor gets it...

Host: Alright...the answer is nothing to do with cheese.

Caller: Arrrrrrrr....Camembert?

<click>
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Postby The Black Spot on Mon Dec 03, 2007 7:43 pm

Host: Hello caller, you're through on line 1.

Caller: The mayor's gone!

Host: Yes, it's terrible isn't it?

Caller: Ees not bin at the Town Hall all day!

Host: I know. I hear that he's been kidnapped.

Caller: What! 'Oo did that then?

Host: It was a group of unknown men who--

Caller: Gah! Put that sack away lads. Some bastid got 'im first. <click>
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Postby Auntie Blackbeard on Tue Dec 04, 2007 12:37 pm

ARRGH! ,

Ahoy listenarrs , I have tracked down the trolling callarr CM , he has been given his lashes and is waiting for more... Iffen he continues he shall be demoted...ye may count onnit !!
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Postby Detective TurtleHolmes on Tue Dec 04, 2007 2:21 pm

Oi duz unnerstand it noiw.

Hey Folks and Welcome to Pirate Radio Phone-In Time! I be yarr host, Shoutin' Bill Smythe! The switchblade is lightin' up! Here's our first caller, an 'is name be... Cap'n Neckface!

Bill Smythe: Good day, matey! Where be you hailin' from?

Cap'n Neckface:Well, I be escapin' the port o' spain, I am. I dain't know that they think so 'ighly of their galleons, or else I would'a burnt the lot o' em.

Bill Smythe:Ah, I remember when me an' my old mam raided the port o' Spain. They never watered doon their ale after that, I tell ye.

Cap'n Neckface:Great, great. Err, do ye know how to fashin' gunpowder outta nuthin but a packit o' soap? It's err, the only ting we got on board. We 'ave the 'ole Spanish inquisition on us.

Bill Smythe:Yarr! Ye not need gunpowder. Just get on board and giv' em all a right whack over the 'ead wit' ye cannon.

Cap'n Neckface:Okey dokey.

Twenty seconds of crashing, gunfire, and yarrs later...

Cap'n Neckface:Yarr! Thanks f'r that, matey. Ye shall always be welcome in me ship.

Bill Smythe:Ye be welcome.

Cap'n Neckface:I have another question for ye. 'Ow do ye re-attach arms?

**click**[/i][/b]
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Radio

Postby black bart on Tue Dec 04, 2007 4:12 pm

Har harrr...that be the spirit matey.

Host: Good evening and welcome to the Pirates request hour, we have a caller on line one...Hello Black Bart and what record would you like?

BB:Arrrrrrr...I'd like to make a request fer Walktheplank who'll soon be leavin these shores for Down Under.

Host: OK...what'l it be?

BB: Arrrr, can I have more than one request?

Host: I suppose so...go ahead

BB: Arrrrrr, I'll ave 'Aint got no hair' by Professor Long Hair and 'Saturday Night' by Whigfield...Bwa ha ha ha!
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Postby PantyGnawer on Tue Mar 25, 2008 3:09 am

PG sneaks in and steals all your rum
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