Ye be the Weakest Link - Yer Dead

[walktheplank]

"So it is welcome to a Pirate version of the popular Quiz show 'Ye be the weakest link - Yer Dead' and I be Pirgella the glamorous but bitchy host who has slept with every blaggard here but don't tell Dave Lâ€￾

“T'nite we as a foine collection of Pirate Cap'n all trying to win the prize which is Cap'n Cronan's Treasure Map and guaranteed riches fer any of yer mad fools foolish enough to start looking fer itâ€￾

“In a slight amendment to the usual format as presented by that mad Welsh Woman Anne Robinson, fellow contestants get to first vote off their weakest link and then they can attack them with their cutlasses an pistols, should be fun ehâ€￾

“Without further ado let me introduce the 9 contestants on t'nite's show, they areâ€￾

The Black Spot
Dave L
Anthrobabe
Oz Nick
Rev Rowan Redbeard
Walk the Plank
Tanguerra
Black Bart
Dan(da haole guy)

“Now remember you have ter work as a team, not sure why as the winner gets the map and the rest of yers buggar allâ€￾

“We will start with the scariest Pirate first, that be The Black Spotâ€￾

“Spot, ye be one ugly blaggard, a nice easy question to start, can you tell me what is the main ingredient of Fish Head Stewâ€￾

The Black Spot fidgeted anxiously in his seat and then…

[tanguerra]

began to fiddle with something in his pocket. He hemmed and hawed and cleared his throat while furrowing his tumultuous brow.

"Do you have an answer for us Captain Spot?"crooned Pirgella.

[The Black Spot]

Arrrr, this be a trick question yer devious wench! Ye expect me t' say fish, don't ye? Well the actual answer be bones - them nasty bendy bones yer find in fishheads. The ones that get stuck between yer two good teeth.

[walktheplank]

"er yes correct Spot yer evil murdering varmint" said Pirgella "Next question is fer Dave L and may I say you look rather fetching in that pink dress, to the nearest 100 how many swabs did the Black Spot throw to the Sharks last week"

Dave L belched loudly and...

[DaveL]

YArrrrr...

As I recall that day, it was a blood bath. Black Spot was in a heck of a good mood that day, as it was his birthday. Oi thinks he only killed 200 or so.

The sharks were very disappointed.

[walktheplank]

"arrr Dave L my one true Love but only when February 29th falls on a Sunday I am afraid yer be incorrect. The Black Spot threw 2000 swabs to the Sharks that day not 200 which be a little down on his average"

Pirgella paused for breath fluttering her eyelids at The Black Spot "Now next question is fer Black Bart and loike Anne Robinson, gah I hate the Welsh, now if yer be sailing in a Southerly direction from Portsmouth what be the name of the Island yer will set ashore on"

Black Bart paused from sharpening his cutlass on Rev Rowan Redbeard's head "yarr I know this" he said "it be.."

[black bart]

China? No, hang on a minute...South...arrrr that be downwards...er...
I know, I know...CUBA!

[walktheplank]

"yarr apologies, we as to take a commercial break on account of the fact that The Black Spot as set fire to the answer sheet, so I'll give the benefit of doubt to ye Black Bart, ye be correct. Also Dave L can I av me dress back.

5 MINUTES LATER

"Right welcome back to The Weakest Link" Gushed Pirgella "Here I am with the dregs of society, next question is fer Oz Nick from Portsmouth What is the most suitable material for the manufacture of a peg leg"

[anthrobabe]

awakened from her thoughts about the authenticity of Pirgellas ,ahem, attributes (they be fakes ye know)
AB steps up to the challenge, she were never one ta wait in line

"Oz-Nicks asleep-- 'e wuz out raidin lat las nite

so's oil answers tha qwestin

whots tha qwestin - again?
Oh- peg legs---- well I suspekt that mos pirates inflates the amount o wood in their peg legs a bit- it being natural an all to make others think they be sportin a bit more wood than they actually be sportin"

" I memebers when me and old WTP firs started a steppin out- I was jus facinated wif his talk o his big cannon and peg-l;eg an all- ala when it gots down to it it were a sort o toothpick, a bit shrivvvled an......"

"What censors- whots a censor, I'm only talkin about peg legs ye dirty gomers"

"get yer mangy hands off o me- no I wont be calmin down now- did ye jus call me 'missy'. Oil missy you ye poor excuse for a bilge rat- jus


GO TO COMMERCIAL--- screams Pirgella

[black bart]

awakened from her thoughts about the authenticity of Pirgellas ,ahem, attributes (they be fakes ye know)

Arrrrrrr ye could be roight thar matey...I were watchin Pirgella Sexpress t'other night on TV an, just loik when the glue runs on Planky's wig, the heat from the oven and the studio lights was makin em droop...I has no idea wot she were cookin!

[walktheplank]

"gah I be losing the plot now, whatever the question were, it be correct, I shall probably regret this but lets continue" Pirgella paused to place her hand on The Black Spot's thigh. "Next question is fer Tanguerra and it be a multiple choice question which fer the benefit of all yer thick Pirate Cap'ns means I'll read out 3 answers an yer av ter pick one, gad how did I git this job "

Yer hear Cap'n Cronan is due in Port

1. Do yer fly out of the Admiral Benbow and set sail for some remote atoll in the South pacific where he'll never find ye.

2 Attach a rope to the beams in the tavern and hang yerself.

3 Choose the Black Bart option.

[black bart]

Arrrr...I knows I is goin ta regret this...but just fer clarificatamakashun...what be 'The Black Bart Opshun'?

[walktheplank]

"yarr I forget not everyone knows the Black Bart option, not least me, now where's me answer sheet"

Pirgella paused to kick Dave L who was trying to steal her dress

"arr yes to follow the Black Bart option yer sail out of Portsmouth and set yer Navigational equipment to sail in an Easterly direction. Ten days later yer end up in Barbados"

"So Tanguerra can I be aving yer answer please"

[black bart]

Arrrr...Lets just remind ourselves exactly what Walktheplank looks like in his new ginger wig:

[The Black Spot]

Arrrr...Lets just remind ourselves exactly what Walktheplank looks like in his new ginger wig:

I see 'is eyebrows 'ave grown back at last.