Cap'n Dan(da h'oly guy)'s "feel-mo'bettah-confeshun-bo

[DaveL]

YArrrrr...

Those silicon balloons sure are hard to burst. O'id hate to try that trick in Hollywood.

[black bart]

Of course... I just can't find one big enough!

[Dan(da haole guy)]

ARR-oha..yez alla goin' t' purge-gatorry fer da unsin..insem..AARRGGHH!! tacky comments, ya? 'n' a hint t' mah bruddah DaveL..ye cannae pop da silly-cones..yez gotta jus' be dilly-gent 'n' rub, rub, rub..practice, mah bruddah, practice!!

oi've bin thinkin' (& yez all ARRe gonna suffer f' that, oi can tell ya!) 'n' da kwal-itee uv da confeshuns lately 'ave bin..'ow kin oi put dis delicately??..kiddy-kine!! 'ave yez forgots we's be PYRATES?? we duz nasty, ovahdatop stuff wot goes dahn in dose "penny-dreadfuls" wot yer parents ferbid ya t' read wen yer a inno-sink chil'...nose-slicin', ear-notchin', eye-gougin' (& 'at's jes' a ordn'ry noight at da Admiral B!)..so, bredren/cistern uv da coast..sack up (egg up fo' da wahine kine) & dee-liver! oi 'xpects 'orrible, rotten behav-yore f' yez all & da confishies betta reflec' it..or oi'll rat yez out to Pert Gert & da udda wenches @ da Admiral B & yez'll be for it!!!

[black bart]

Allright, allright...ye be gettin a confession out o me...

It were me

With the bleedin sharp Morrocan cutlass

In the Hall

(That governor o Jamaica had it comin I tells ye!)

[Dan(da haole guy)]

ARR-oha..naow DAT be wuddim talkin' abaht! tho, oi seem t'recall da title, "governor o' Jamaica" iz found inna "Clarsy Pyrate's Nims o' Sin 'n' Dubble Log-book Keepin'" under da headin' "Methods of Retirement..Early & Fatal..Illustrated with Examples of Job Titles & Estimated Life Expectancy for Each.."

bruddah black bart 'as bin shown t'have stones..naow, abaht da rest uv yez wee furtive blaggards..geddout thARR 'n' do som'pin worry-thee uv da confishin boot'..(a bad rep takes constant practice, y'know!)

[ChowMein]

...Tis a damned lie Bartie! Fadder Dan Twas me dat stuck em wid me bodkin...then Uh kilt em en ez bedrum .

[black bart]

In da bedroom...no way Hosay...I were in the bedroom wid dat governors loverly dusky daughter...bugger, that be anover confeshin!!

[ChowMein]

Tis anudder damned lie ! Fadder Dan , Twas me dat dun buttered the gubnoors dottor affer I dun finnish wid da gubnoor .

[black bart]

WHAT! You buttered the govnor and is daughter?????

Ye be takin Piracy to new heights matey!

[ChowMein]

psst...Fadder Dan....Lass nite at da Benbow I been drinkin two much en Uh be kockin grog all awares ... Saucy Gert cums in en screams owt sum sorta matin ritooal en gets ta tossin about marinara sauce (missed me) , peanut ( a bit me hair but da virmin dare need a change of diet ) and lemon sauces (missed agin ! ) at us. Uh nut be ponzabull id eye ?

[black bart]

ARRRR, now that be comin under Pirate Law no4...That what is deemd to ave bin done under the hinfluence o grog be turned a blind eye unto*

* Unless ye ave stolen the Captain's jewelery which be punishable by Maroonin.

[Dan(da haole guy)]

ARR-oha *adjusts aloha shirt wit' collar frontside*..ahh, da wages uv lechery be small but usually itchy..oi suggest a dip inta "Dr. Phibes' Patent(ly unsafe & toxic) Post-Lechery Lotion"..& yez kin ARRGHue all yez wan' abaht oo did in da guvnor..point is, 'e's extinc', late, DC'st, nuhmor', lef' da buildin', 'n' zo on..& good riddance, sez i..(oi'd rec. yez fer a medal, but yez already boinked 'is winsome, dee-lek'able, slightly poxy offspring so's yez already gots yer ree-wAARd..)


ChowMein, mah bruddah..ye cannae be ponzabul f' wot da gentler sex (HAH!) gets up ta..groggy er no, i 'ope after she finished tryin' t' wet yez doon wid da sauces, ya responded in kine wit' summa yer oon..(she may 'ave hadda point, tho..did she fin' out abaht yer dallyin' wit' da guvnor's dottir? if so, yer f***ed 'n' not inna fun way..yer bes' bet iz jewellery an' lots uv it..chicks dig it 'n' tend t'let bygones be bygones, in my 'xperience..but ya may wanna keep da sharp, pointy things away f/ Saucy Gert f' a bit, jus' t'be onna safe side, ya?)

[DaveL]

Dear Dan

During the course of me Piracy career, I have murdered approximately 150 people, burnt 6 villages and stolen the life savings of the poor and destitute.

Other than that, I'm a perfectly normal, happy, well balanced human being.

Do yer think life's going well for me?

[black bart]

Dear Dan

During the course of me Piracy career, I have murdered approximately 150 people, burnt 6 villages and stolen the life savings of the poor and destitute.

Other than that, I'm a perfectly normal, happy, well balanced human being.

Do yer think life's going well for me?

Aye, and all o that in a Pink Dress!!!

[Dan(da haole guy)]

ARR-oha..Cap'n DaveL..oi see a glARRin' mistake in yer litany of awful deeds and rotten actions..how d'ye 'xpec' t' prosper as a amoral, hateful, virgin-despoilin', burner-uv-willages wen you go steal da life-saving of............POOR peoples!!! you gotta pillage a lotta poor folks hovels t'get anna-ware near wot ye'd get by pillagin' jes' one rich person's swank town-house..too much labour 'n' not much ree-turn, y'see..an' as we get older (well, you mos'ly..) we wanna get mo' bettah L.s.d./$AUS/$US/doubloons fer ARRe nefARRious efforts, ya? so, pliz t' avoid like da plague (or da "....Bisque") poor pipples..loiter abaht da swells wot frekwent da "Glass Cistern of Wine & (Y)Uppity Coffee Bar" ( 2 blox inshore & several tax-brackets above da Admiral Benbough..) & y'll be rollin' in swag wot yez nevvah dreamt uv! ('n' kin 'xpand yer dress-sense..try a light coral or p'raps a blushy rose as a refreshing change from dusky pink..)

'sfar's "well-balanced, normal, happy" goes-yez a friggin' pyrate, an' if yez pillage/burn/slaughter, ya oughta be "w-b,n,h"! it's part uv da "pyrate package", yunno..(pink dresses be op-shunall..but nize touch..)