Pirate Etiquette

Arrr, I be a pirate!

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Postby walktheplank on Thu Sep 13, 2007 8:16 am

ye discover one of yer crew is Welsh, do ye

1) Give him a Charlotte Church CD and leave the sad blaggard alone in his quarters.

2) Get a group of his crew mates together and when they are roaring drunk they'll form a Welsh Male Voice Choir.

3) Give him a leek for his birthday but remember that he'll probably cook it rather than use it as a sex aid.

4) Drop him off in Swansea on a Friday night, he'll be mugged within the hour.
The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who in the name of charity and goodwill shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.
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Postby The Black Spot on Thu Sep 13, 2007 10:21 am

5) Tell 'im it's his round. Ee'll soon scarper then.
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Postby black bart on Thu Sep 13, 2007 12:19 pm

walktheplank wrote:ye discover one of yer crew is Welsh, do ye

4) Drop him off in Swansea on a Friday night, he'll be mugged within the hour.


Arrrrrrrrrr, I was wonderin why the bleedin ell I has moved ta Portsmouth!!!!!?????
The smoke wafted gently in the breeze across the poop deck and all seemed right in the world.
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Postby The Black Spot on Fri Sep 21, 2007 3:59 pm

Ye be writin' a ransom note, when yer victim sez that if ye let 'im go, ee'll 'elp yer kidnap someone far more valuable. Does ye:

a) Throw the swab back in the bilge

b) Go along with 'is plan

c) Kidnap the new victim, but do the dirty an' keep the original one a prisoner

d) Sign this enterprisin' feller up fer yer crew.
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Postby walktheplank on Fri Sep 21, 2007 6:25 pm

Yer Wench burns yer Stew, do ye:

1) Beat her up an throw her in the bilge

2) Buy her the latest book from Big Ron '100 things to do with sausages' in the hope that it improves her cooking.

3) Sod it, go ashore for a curry.

4) Combine options 1 and 3
The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who in the name of charity and goodwill shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.
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Postby anthrobabe on Fri Sep 21, 2007 7:08 pm

Ye arrives at the tavern door at the same time as ye captain

how does ye 'andle it

1) shove the blaggard out o the way- after all this ain't onboard his ship

2) step swiftly to tha side while doffin ye hat an openin tha door for 'em

3) throw ye arm around the buggar and greet 'im wif a "Well howdy capn- I be so glad to see ya" all this with havin in mind that he/she be so impressed he/she will buy a round or two for ye

4) scurry as fast as ye can tha other direktion--- ye's on watch after all and can't be caught portside or else ye'll 'ave to go back to Walk the Planks crew for bein insubboardanant an all
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I'm *not* the lowest rank on this ship. What about the laboratory mice? I tell them something and they jump straight to it. "Yes, Mr. Lister Sir, eek,eek."
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Postby The Black Spot on Fri Sep 21, 2007 7:36 pm

Ye arrives at the tavern door at the same time as one o' yer swabs.

Does ye:

a) Kick the blaggard in the nadgers to show 'im 'oo be in charge

b) Wait for 'im to open the door fer yer

c) Use 'is head to open the door

d) Greet 'im like an old friend, an buy 'im loads o' drinks so 'ee lets slip when the next mutiny be takin place
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cast adrift

Postby black bart on Fri Sep 21, 2007 8:10 pm

Ye be cast adrift on an open boat arter yet another mutiny...does ye:

a. Refer to Captain William Bligh's work 'How to survive being cast adrift on an Open Boat and other amusing voyages'.

b. Refer to The Black Spot's excellent work "I'll get ye, ye scurvy Blaggards!"

c. Refer to Cap'n Dave L's rather far fetched effort published by Faber and Faber: "How to use your pink dress as a sail and hence proceed to East Timor".

or

d. Refer to the Rev Rowan Redbeard's timeless epistle: "How I bored the other survivors to death with my Theological Diatribe and survived by eating their corpses".
The smoke wafted gently in the breeze across the poop deck and all seemed right in the world.
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Postby Rev. Rowan Redbeard on Sat Sep 22, 2007 11:35 am

I'll go with d.
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Postby The Black Spot on Sat Sep 22, 2007 6:45 pm

Arrr, D fer me too.

If yer abandoned in the Pacific wi' no food or water, yer must read it. After a few pages ye'll come to view death as a merciful release.
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Postby anthrobabe on Sat Sep 22, 2007 9:26 pm

Yar---- D fer me as well

as an alternative one could read "survivor type" a short story by Steven King

besides that pink dress has holes in it in places I don't even want to think about- wouldn't make a good sail
My mantra
Just save the farkin Gorillas will you! They don't have spell check- but they do need YOU/US...
www.gorillafund.org

I Ned Speil Cheek!!!!!!!!

I'm *not* the lowest rank on this ship. What about the laboratory mice? I tell them something and they jump straight to it. "Yes, Mr. Lister Sir, eek,eek."
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Postby Rev. Rowan Redbeard on Sat Sep 22, 2007 9:58 pm

You ask for tea at the Scurvy Dog, but are presented with a liquid that is almost, but not quite, entirely unlike tea.

Do you...

a. slaughter the bugger who served it to you?

b. slaughter the cabin boy who went to fetch the tea?

c. slaughter everyone in the tavern in a fit of pique?

d. refer to the Rev. Rowan Redbeard's timeless epistle: How to brew tea with a portable teapot.

e. laugh and order Captain's Delight XO because you are a silly bugger who doesn't understand the wonderful properties of real tea?
—Captain the Reverend Lord C.S. Rowan, Lord of Glencoe, Minister of Pastafarianism, Gentleman Pirate

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Postby Dan(da haole guy) on Sun Sep 23, 2007 7:07 am

ARR-oha..definitely "d"..(begs the question: who in their right mind would order tea @ the Scurvy Dog in the first place?).."a", "b", & "c" might cause a constabulary visit of questionable utility..& "d" would be OK, but the Captain's Delight XO @ the 'Dog is (to put it politely) bear whiz blended with possum droppings..
KAULANA NA PUA A'O FSM..HANO HANO..FSM NO KA OI..
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Postby tanguerra on Mon Sep 24, 2007 9:22 am

Oh Aarrgh! Dan (Aloha). I wondered what gave it that extraordinarrrry flavour. Toothless Kate has been experimentin' in the galley all week tryin' to replicate it, with highly questionable results.

Captin (The Rev) Rowan, I'd have ter go for either d or e. I find slaughterin' people in the tavern tends to put a dampener on the evenin', especially if it's their round, and also ruins the decor of an establishment. (Yer takes 'em outside if yer wants ter 'talk to em' like).
Aaarrrrgggh!

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Postby Rev. Rowan Redbeard on Mon Sep 24, 2007 9:34 am

ESSAY QUESTION:

Ye find a couple of new swabbies stumbling over storylines and getting them tangled up while wandering through the Continuous Salty Tale. What do you do?
—Captain the Reverend Lord C.S. Rowan, Lord of Glencoe, Minister of Pastafarianism, Gentleman Pirate

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